12-24 months and up support group

JBen good news!  Keep on holding on for your final healing.  As for me, I am sorry to say that my results from yesterday’s pelvic scan are a little scary.  Trigger warning…..I apologize to any of the male buddies who may not want to hear too much of the following information, so you can click off now.  The scan showed a thickening in the uterine wall, which in a woman of my age can be a sign of a change in the cells in the lining.  I will go in for a biopsy on July 5th, and move forward from there.  I may be laying low for a while as I try not to freak out until a diagnoses is given.

 

Thinking of all of you.  Prayers are appreciated!

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

 

JBen,

So happy to hear that you are doing better! I hope it continues to improve.

 

GG,

I'm happy to hear that you don't have shingles. I'm so sorry to hear now you have to have a test that could be stressing you out. Just try and stay positive I have read that this can happen to women and it doesn't necessarily mean that anything is seriously wrong. I'm hoping and wishing you all the best. Let us know the results when you find them out. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Hugs to all!

 

LiveLife

 

 

Hi all, just wondered if any of you experienced this. Last couple weeks just feel totally exhausted physically as well as mentally, new symptom. Whether it’s combination of recovery from Covid, hay fever absolutely awful every day, plus over  3 years. dealing with this not sure .Normally only get about 4 hours sleep, but been bit  better recently but feel even more tired when I get up. Husband feeling same so wondering maybe a virus. Impossible to see a GP here so not even bothering with that, Did wonder if damaged nervous system reacting to the allergy never been this bad before. Anyone else feel like this? Not depression just really knackered.

I don't know if this helps, leann

But after a cold I felt tired all the time for over a month and lost sleep. I think I am starting to sleep a little better, but now terrified of getting sick.

But then another time I felt exhausted after waking and had to lay there for two hours before I could get up for a long time. And that was part of withdrawal I think.

 

Are are immune systems wreaked?

Think it might be hay fever, says can make you fatigued, guess when nervous system is shot makes it worse if get any allergies. We both had Covid couple months ago so probably still recovering from that. Does ease bit by lunchtime.

Hi all, just wondered if any of you experienced this. Last couple weeks just feel totally exhausted physically as well as mentally, new symptom. Whether it’s combination of recovery from Covid, hay fever absolutely awful every day, plus over  3 years. dealing with this not sure .Normally only get about 4 hours sleep, but been bit  better recently but feel even more tired when I get up. Husband feeling same so wondering maybe a virus. Impossible to see a GP here so not even bothering with that, Did wonder if damaged nervous system reacting to the allergy never been this bad before. Anyone else feel like this? Not depression just really knackered.

 

Hey Leann - Fatigue is one of those symptoms that could be linked to so many potential causes.  I read once that fatigue presents Drs with the most difficult diagnostic conundrum.  Certainly could be a virus - I had a ton of fatigue related to withdrawal though.  Would come and go.  It improved a LOT when I gave up gluten and inflammatory foods.  Could also be gut related with microbiome being off but again due to so many potential causes.  Just keep drinking enough water, make sure you get your electrolytes, lots of fruits and veggies, minimal processed food which is nutrient poor anyway.  Get your vitamin D! And get exercise if you can.  This gives us the best chance for feeling well.  Hope it eases soon :-)

Thanks, Lady Den!  So sorry you are having a rough morning.  I am still in bed!  I know getting up and moving around helps, but I am just so hard when I feel poorly.  Feel really discouraged today, so I appreciate your encouragement.  Yes, the Benzo Bully is making his rounds.  He needs to leave us alone.    So thankful for you and the rest of my Benzo Buddies.      Hoping we all get a break soon!!!

You’re awesome! Never forget that…in bed or not! 

 

Yes this is enough to discourage even the most courageous person. But, it’s just a symptom like all the rest. I view it as that and say to myself “ well, this is how it feels now but it won’t always. I am healing in spite of what I’m feeling because feeling means I’m healing. “

Benzo Bully is going to do his job for sure. Guess what I do? I wave at him with my middle finger! 

This too shall pass!I appreciate your encouragement too.

GG,

So glad to hear it's not shingles. Maybe it is just a rash from the icy hot and it will clear up for you soon. Please let us know when you get your results back from your sonogram.

 

Lisa,

I'm so sorry to hear that your flared up again and your anxiety has returned. The fact you've been doing as well as you have let's hope it's not going to last that long. I know it can be so frustrating when you are doing better and then have a flare-up. Hang in there the end is in sight I'm sure.

 

LadyDen,

Congratulations on your new granddaughter! It's so wonderful they're staying with you and you can be well enough to help out and connect with her. It's a beautiful thing! It sounds like you're doing somewhat better and that is marvelous. Although I think you mentioned you're having a bad morning so I hope the rest of the day improves for you. And as always thank you so much for your words of encouragement they mean a lot.

 

JBen,

Hope things are doing better for you today.

 

Dea,

Sorry you're still having symptoms,  but if you take care of yourself and rest up I'm sure they'll be a thing of the past and you might even have a better base line when you're finished.

 

As for me still riding this horrific wave and Hope it ends soon.

 

Sending much love and hugs to all,

 

LiveLife

Happy healing hugs and wishes to you too, Live. Thanks for the congrats. Mother and baby are leaving today. I will miss her sweet little face. But I’ve enjoyed bonding with her. She’s a beautiful blessing!

I pray today will be a window for you. It’s time for you to have a much needed break. So I wouldn’t be surprised if you get one today or very soon. The minute I think I’m at a breaking point, I go into a window. I’ve heard the same thing from others. Pretty much this is a crap show. We didn’t buy a ticket to see it but here we are. So, we moan and groan crush and push give our might and continue to fight. All we can do is what we can when we can. Sometimes that means to just breathe through a day or just lay around doing nothing. That is OK! Believe it and you will see it. Healing. It is happening.

Love and hugs 🤗❤️

Ok so things are better with me.  I am far from baseline but it has improved.  I am hoping and praying this is just a big giant wave and not a setback.  It is not acting like the setback I had in October so there is hope for me!!!  I’ll be posting daily updates on my blog to track progress and inform future buddies.

Wonderful news! Thanks for letting us know.please continue to get better. Big 🤗🙏❤️

JBen good news!  Keep on holding on for your final healing.  As for me, I am sorry to say that my results from yesterday’s pelvic scan are a little scary.  Trigger warning…..I apologize to any of the male buddies who may not want to hear too much of the following information, so you can click off now.  The scan showed a thickening in the uterine wall, which in a woman of my age can be a sign of a change in the cells in the lining.  I will go in for a biopsy on July 5th, and move forward from there.  I may be laying low for a while as I try not to freak out until a diagnoses is given.

 

Thinking of all of you.  Prayers are appreciated!

 

Hugs,

 

GG

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Prayingggggggggggg!

For now, until you get that biopsy, try to put it out of your mind. Keep your mind busy with positive things you enjoy. It could be other things. There’s a chance!

 

:mybuddy: :mybuddy: :mybuddy: :hug: :hug:

I don't know if this helps, leann

But after a cold I felt tired all the time for over a month and lost sleep. I think I am starting to sleep a little better, but now terrified of getting sick.

But then another time I felt exhausted after waking and had to lay there for two hours before I could get up for a long time. And that was part of withdrawal I think.

 

Are are immune systems wreaked?

I’ve had that happen to me too. I just had to lay there until it let up giving me enough strength to get up. I remember praying that I didn’t get a full bladder until I can get up. WD fatigue is terrible. Also anytime the body is fighting something especially a virus, it makes the body it invaded become tired. That’s the body’s way of making you rest while it’s in battle. So Leann you might still be fighting something off or it’s the after effects of COVID or WD circling back fatigue. There’s no telling. 

Yes think maybe it’s a virus, and as you say bit of Covid fatigue as well, my stomach been a bit off. Was reading what Deanna said, I can’t really eat fruit as it caused frequent water infections in past was permanently on antibiotics. But go for walk and go on treadmill everyday, and Pilates once week. How you doing, I’m not too bad , but just seem be stuck on repeat play, can’t move forward with mental symptoms no matter what I try. Listening to a hypnotherapy CD, and doing the 6 minute diary every day, hoping it will flick a switch in my brain😱

OK so just now had the  chance to read through the last few day's worth of posts, so I may be almost caught up!

 

First of all:  LadyDen CONGRATULAYIONS on your new grandaughter!!!!    Having new life in our midst is such a glorius blessing and a reminder of all that is good and right in the world.  I hope you thoroughly enjoyed the visit, and KUDOS for being able to handle having a newborn in the house with you! You are certainly improving as well AND CONGRATS ALSO for hitting that 2 year mark!!  Was thinking about you and all our buddies lying in bed and realized you must have hit your milestone as you are 5 weeks ahead of me.  I remember signing on for the first time 2 years ago around this time and meeting you    I count you as a dear friend and wish you complete healing ASAP!!!!

 

GG:  Glad you don't have shingles but sorry about the uterine lining thickening.  That could be from the infection and you might have no issues going forward, I will be thinking about you as you go through biopsy.  You have been through SO MUCH and I wish for you to have all issues to settle down and find that blissful window again :-)  The garden misses you 

 

Leann - I see improvement in your posts! Do not be discouraged, the fatigue could just be one of those cycling odd symptoms that come and go during the latter stages of healing.  Fatigue is a very common symptom of BWD! Just rest when your body wants to, and you will bounce back soon!!!

 

JBen - so happy to hear you are doing better!  News like that keeps us alll going strong so thanks for sharing :-)

 

LL: I wish you some relief in your waves - they will indeed come and stay for longer and longer.  Have faith and keep up your brave journey.  We all know how hard it is sometimes.  But it will end.  And it will all be in the rear-view mirror for good.

 

Decatur - Same for you! I know the benzo bully is beating you up but you are in the right place here for support while you battle the beast!  Keep us updated and I hope you are feeling better 

 

If I missed anyone I am truly sorry.  My heart and thoughts are always with you all.  I have been having a strange emotion last week or so.  My daughter came to visit (bless her as we had the COVID) and I sometimes feel she loves my husband more than she loves me.  I sense/perceive that she laughs with him and shares a special bond, but with me she is all business and serious talk.  I think/feel that she thinks I am "odd" or something.  Presumably because I know I am a different person than I used to be.  I'm all c razy about my healthy diet, etc, and that conflicts with "fun" ....I suppose I am indeed not fun anymore, but I just am coming through this BWD nightmare....I don't feel like being jovial.  I may have PTSD of a sort...IDK.  Can anyone relate to this?

 

Smooches to ALL....

 

 

Yes I feel same about my son. I’ve written how my mother treated me, resulted in a sticky relationship at times with him, as he  thought I should just get over it. I got no support from him when found out the nasty woman secretly cut me out her will. Have you always felt like that, if so therapy might help. I did have quite lot therapy helped me repair our relationship, I think he is on autistic spectrum so not entirely his fault. We nearly didn’t go to his wedding as things got so bad at one stage. So yes can totally relate to it, when my husband nearly died, he was very caring towards him, I did think would he feel same if it was me, so yep totally get it🙂

Thanks Leann, no never felt that way before about her, just noticing lately that she rolls her eyes when I say something and she sides with my husband when there is a minor disagreement between us.  They have a special bond because they are very alike personality wise, and I am more like her husband, so in essence she "married her mother"...We do joke about that.  I guess I'm noticing that our (my daughter and my) relationship is changing.  I know that happens with kids as they mature.  She's always been very loving towards me and not really so much anymore.  I know this BWD experience was more than she could understand, as it was for my husband.  So I guess they both just don't understand. 

 

Nobody likes to be not understood.  So I guess that's just the isolating aspect of it. 

 

Thanks for responding.  Smooches!

That’s good she’s not normally like that. In that case sure it will improve once you  get over this horrible withdrawal. It is really hard for others, most my friends keep saying aren’t you better yet. Funny my son and I are very similar think that’s why we clash, both tend to shoot from hip if you know what I mean. Watching Elbow at Glastonbury at moment, one my favourite bands. Glad I was able to help instead moaning to people😊

 

 

Hello to all,

 

LadyDen,

I so appreciate your words of encouragement. It always makes me feel better to hear from someone else, instead of just my own words in my head. I'm hoping for that window any moment. I also use breathing techniques and positive self-talk. Although that can be very difficult when you're suffering tremendously but, that's the way I get through the day.

 

So happy that you had time to spend with your granddaughter.  I'm sure you enjoyed the time and will miss her sweet little face. But it's wonderful you had the opportunity to bond.

 

Dea,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I really like the idea of looking at all this in my rearview mirror. I am so more than ready for that.

 

Hugs to all!

 

LiveLife

Hello to all!  Checking in to see how everyone is faring on this new day of a new week?  And, maybe to get some much needed support!  I am waiting to hear from my GP who was going to call my OBGYN office this morning and get a more detailed explanation for the diagnosis of a thickening of my uterine wall.  My understanding is that the thickening width is important and measured in millimeters.  Coupled with this is my extreme nausea that has been going on since I took the two antibiotics, both of which I have been off of for several days.  I am waking up each morning with bad nausea, and an overall rebound of some of my earliest withdrawal symptoms, while now in my 27th month.  I seem to feel better by mid-afternoon and definitely by evening.  What is beyond belief is that two years ago I presented with almost the same symptoms of stomach and pelvic pain, nausea, and headaches and was tested for kidney stones, uti, and female issues.  CAT scan and pelvic sonogram all were normal, except for a cyst located between the kidney and the left ovary.  At present I have had all the same tests for the same symptoms, with the CAT scan and blood work normal, but the recent pelvic scan showed the thickening of the uterine wall.  Will see my OBGYN on July 5th to discuss further.

 

Could most of this still be bwd?  With the complication of the pelvic scan results?

 

Three weeks ago I felt so good and really thought this battle was over!

 

Sorry to whine but this is not a good feeling, especially the nausea.  Haven’t had this in a long time.  Maybe the antibiotics have really upset the apple cart?

 

Hugs to each and everyone of you😍😍😍😍😍

 

GG

Hi all.  My story just gets worse.  Omg.  I just keep thinking is this going to happen over and over and over again.

 

Something set me back last week, Tuesday.  It was bad.  Really bad.  You all have been there.  Over the week it eased up just enough to be tolerable and then yesterday I had such intense leg pain I took advil (ibuprofren) just to cope.  After about 8 hours all hell broke loose and I am in the most intense wave yet.  Wow I cant believe how much your body can torture you and you still live through it!!  Advil is now on the no-no list!!

 

Sorry to be such a downer today.  Today is a hard one for me.  Ugh.

 

Hugs to you all. 

I felt like I was in acute again for a couple of weeks after getting Covid. It did eventually pass. I couldn’t believe this far out would still get waves like that. It will pass for you. I’m suddenly feeling extremely fatigued all the time recently. This is so non linear it keeps giving  you new presents to deal with. Hope you soon improve.

I felt like I was in acute again for a couple of weeks after getting Covid. It did eventually pass. I couldn’t believe this far out would still get waves like that. It will pass for you. I’m suddenly feeling extremely fatigued all the time recently. This is so non linear it keeps giving  you new presents to deal with. Hope you soon improve.

 

Thanks leann.  I would like to return this present please.

 

We are in this together.  Sending healing thoughts and energy your way.  Hugs!

I will be 21 months off valium tomorrow.

 

In a very nasty & painful wave. My lower back and abdomen (virtually always on my right side) have been locked up for several days now.  Could barely walk and move yesterday.  Hunched over and shuffling along. 

 

Anyone else had a bad wave so far along?

Hello to all!  Checking in to see how everyone is faring on this new day of a new week?  And, maybe to get some much needed support!  I am waiting to hear from my GP who was going to call my OBGYN office this morning and get a more detailed explanation for the diagnosis of a thickening of my uterine wall.  My understanding is that the thickening width is important and measured in millimeters.  Coupled with this is my extreme nausea that has been going on since I took the two antibiotics, both of which I have been off of for several days.  I am waking up each morning with bad nausea, and an overall rebound of some of my earliest withdrawal symptoms, while now in my 27th month.  I seem to feel better by mid-afternoon and definitely by evening.  What is beyond belief is that two years ago I presented with almost the same symptoms of stomach and pelvic pain, nausea, and headaches and was tested for kidney stones, uti, and female issues.  CAT scan and pelvic sonogram all were normal, except for a cyst located between the kidney and the left ovary.  At present I have had all the same tests for the same symptoms, with the CAT scan and blood work normal, but the recent pelvic scan showed the thickening of the uterine wall.  Will see my OBGYN on July 5th to discuss further.

 

Could most of this still be bwd?  With the complication of the pelvic scan results?

 

Three weeks ago I felt so good and really thought this battle was over!

 

Sorry to whine but this is not a good feeling, especially the nausea.  Haven’t had this in a long time.  Maybe the antibiotics have really upset the apple cart?

 

Hugs to each and everyone of you😍😍😍😍😍

 

GG

 

Hi GG....Knowing everything I do about this horror of a withdrawal experience I have some thoughts on your situation.  You took two antibiotics which are known in general to impact our gut microbiome, and some antibiotics impact the very receptors that were damaged by the benzos.  And didn't you have that GI bug just before those antibiotics? So putting these impacts together can very much lead to a return of early withdrawal symptoms in my opinion.  Very happy to hear that you are off the antibiotics now, but it takes awhile for the gut to recover.  I have read it could take several months for the microbiome to bounce back from antibiotic use.  How about taking those probiotics your GP once advised you about? 

 

My personal opinion about our healing is that even when we are FULLY over this mess, our bodies remember the trauma.  Not from a psychological perspective (although that could also be true) but from a cellular memory perspective.  Our immune system and nervous systems have a memory, at least in the shorter term.  When presented with similar insults the body goes right back to the processes that were in place before.  Just as with any traumatic injury to the body, we likely never can go back to the state of being that existed before this injury occurred.

 

I know it must be unsettling to have the OB/GYN stuff hanging over your head, but you are so good at having medical issues promptly reviewed.  I'm sure it will turn out to be either nothing or something that can easily be dealt with if necessary.  So while this is easy to say and very hard to do, try not to stress too much.  Be very very good to yourself.  Pamper yourself, and rest, and eat well.  Take a bath and soak.  Watch some funny movies!  This too shall pass 

Deanna, I sent you a pm.  Thank you for your important and well thought out response to my concerns!

 

GG

JBen, we need to get off this awful hamster wheel we seem to be on.  I almost wrote a success story on May 5th, and now look at me…..and you!

 

We are hanging on by a toenail, but at least we are hanging on!

 

Hugs my friend,

 

GG