Benzo confessions...feel free to add yours

Sometimes, I'm afraid to open my email because it might be more than I can handle.

 

I have a phobia of my phone and checking messages

 

Sometimes, I go weeks without going to my mailbox.

 

I'm kinda terrified of my mom because she knocks too loudly and comes unexpectedly.

 

I strongly dislike the smell of food cooking like bread, cookies, garlic, and most everything.

 

The smell of my neighbor's  barbecue is too strong.

 

I strongly dislike the smell of fabric softener and dryer sheets in the air outside.

 

When my neighbors slam their cupboard doors, it makes me go crazy in my head.

 

 

 

Glitter. I'm so sorry you feel so bad. Is there anyone you can talk to? 

Glitter. I'm so sorry you feel so bad. Is there anyone you can talk to? 

 

You're so kind, Translator, and thank you.  I don't actually feel bad, but have developed some sensitivities and phobias over the benzo years. 

 

I thought they were normal phobias and sensitivities for benzo users, but maybe not, and hopefully not. Yes, there are people I talk to.  Thanks again for your kindness.  You're sweet. I hope your day is a good one and that you're doing well. 

Its good to 'see' you again Glitter. 

Aww, thanks Pamster.  It's nice to see you too! 

I understand Well the point with someone coming in suddenly without a knock! My confession is very similar:

 

I absolutely love my best friend who is also my flatmate. I sometimes call her Zunami because her Adhd is just making her being everywhere at once. She is a real babbler too and really likes to talk to dogs, cats, flies, bees, ants or just by herself. A real sensory overload as a form of humans. I love her on my good days but it's be coming hard to tolerate her on my worst days and her presence can sometimes easily spin me back to madness!

Glitter. I forgot to write that I recognize your symptoms; Sometimes I’m scared of e-mail and PM. And phobia of my phone.    I’m so sensitive, and I’m so tired of this.

 

Glitter. I forgot to write that I recognize your symptoms; Sometimes I’m scared of e-mail and PM. And phobia of my phone.    I’m so sensitive, and I’m so tired of this.

 

 

Thank you, Translator 200, for relating.  I appreciate that, and I'm sorry you sometimes experience these things too. 

I understand Well the point with someone coming in suddenly without a knock! My confession is very similar:

 

I absolutely love my best friend who is also my flatmate. I sometimes call her Zunami because her Adhd is just making her being everywhere at once. She is a real babbler too and really likes to talk to dogs, cats, flies, bees, ants or just by herself. A real sensory overload as a form of humans. I love her on my good days but it's be coming hard to tolerate her on my worst days and her presence can sometimes easily spin me back to madness!

 

Narconomicon, I want to laugh! "She is a real babbler too and really likes to talk to dogs, cats, flies, bees, ants or just by herself." Your flatmate is hilarious, but it would drive me nuts too at times (most times), LOL.  I love earplugs, headphones, and white noise (the combo of all three, lol).

I don't like making phonecalls or talking or even receiving them.  I keep my phone on DND all the time so I won't hear it ringing.

 

Getting the mail is always traumatic for me.  I'm always afraid that I won't be able to handle what's in there, but I get it everyday anyway because eventually I'll have to deal what's in there.

 

Glitter, it sounds like you're sensitive to odors now.  I am too.  Use Unscented laundry detergent and/or fabric softener.  Unscented Free and Clear Arm and Hammer is a good one.  I also used Free and Clear Downy too.  Dryer sheets are out for me.  They stink, and so do all scented laundry detergents.  I used to use them before and had no problem with them, but now I do.  I also can't tolerate the odor of certain soaps or even deodorants either.  I use a body wash from Walmart called Equate for sensitive skin and use Mitchum women's gel deodorant. 

 

Glitter,

 

So sorry you are going through that. I get it. I am 6 weeks benzo free and finally really starting to have so much improvement.

 

I used to be afraid of who might message me on my phone and blocked certain people because it triggered me. I still have them blocked.

 

My new neighbors are having so much work done on their house and it is so loud as well as his car that is all supped up. Oh and music from parties. Literally has made me feel like I was going to lose my mind. I even had to mover my bedroom to another part of the house.

 

I also HATE the smell of fabric softener in the air. It literally used to make me sick. Now when I smell it I initially get triggered that it will but slowly getting better and realizing that is doesn't anymore. I also switched to everything fragrance free and my husband has as well.

 

Foods used to make me sick to smell and eat but that has passed. My husband would cook food and I would be so sick from the smell.

 

When my husband would watch tv I constantly had to ask him to turn it down and change what he was watching. I was so easily triggered by sounds. I had even started to wear headphone for a while to block noises it was so bad. I understand my my students with Autism experience now and why they need to wear headphones to block noises.

 

I pray you begin to improve and receive full healing.

 

 

 

Glitter,

 

So sorry you are going through that. I get it. I am 6 weeks benzo free and finally really starting to have so much improvement.

 

I used to be afraid of who might message me on my phone and blocked certain people because it triggered me. I still have them blocked.

 

My new neighbors are having so much work done on their house and it is so loud as well as his car that is all supped up. Oh and music from parties. Literally has made me feel like I was going to lose my mind. I even had to mover my bedroom to another part of the house.

 

I also HATE the smell of fabric softener in the air. It literally used to make me sick. Now when I smell it I initially get triggered that it will but slowly getting better and realizing that is doesn't anymore. I also switched to everything fragrance free and my husband has as well.

 

Foods used to make me sick to smell and eat but that has passed. My husband would cook food and I would be so sick from the smell.

 

When my husband would watch tv I constantly had to ask him to turn it down and change what he was watching. I was so easily triggered by sounds. I had even started to wear headphone for a while to block noises it was so bad. I understand my students with Autism experience now and why they need to wear headphones to block noises.

 

I pray you begin to improve and receive full healing.

 

God's Girl, CONGRATULATIONS on being six-weeks benzo-free!  How awesome for you! 

 

Wow, I can relate to everything you said.  I buy everything unscented, though there's still a scent to them, and it's pretty strong, but it's better than scented.  I can't even watch TV at all, lol, not even with full control of the volume.

 

Like you, I can relate to the symptoms of autism, though I know it's only congenital. It's good there's a bright side, you being able to identify with your students now.

 

 

We do share alot of symptoms with autistic people.  I had a mailman once who had a child with autism.  I mentioned my symptoms and he said his son had the same ones.

I don't like making phonecalls or talking or even receiving them.  I keep my phone on DND all the time so I won't hear it ringing.

 

Getting the mail is always traumatic for me.  I'm always afraid that I won't be able to handle what's in there, but I get it everyday anyway because eventually I'll have to deal what's in there.

 

Glitter, it sounds like you're sensitive to odors now.  I am too.  Use Unscented laundry detergent and/or fabric softener.  Unscented Free and Clear Arm and Hammer is a good one.  I also used Free and Clear Downy too.  Dryer sheets are out for me.  They stink, and so do all scented laundry detergents.  I used to use them before and had no problem with them, but now I do.  I also can't tolerate the odor of certain soaps or even deodorants either.  I use a body wash from Walmart called Equate for sensitive skin and use Mitchum women's gel deodorant.

 

Hey, Becks, my friend!  I keep my phone volume off too.  At least you're brave enough to go get your mail every day.  It isn't so traumatic anymore, now that my bills are on autopay, yay! 

 

Dryer sheets, fabric softeners, detergents, deodorants, perfumes, etc, are all so difficult to deal with.  I use unscented everything.  I can even smell a scent in tissues where there shouldn't be one like tissues.

We do share alot of symptoms with autistic people.  I had a mailman once who had a child with autism.  I mentioned my symptoms and he said his son had the same ones.

 

I believe that, Becks. We identify with them a lot.

I “found” about 8500 unread emails recently..

 

Yes,, it seems common to develop many sensitivities, but iv noticed more periods where its a non issue now.. Sudden noises still shatter me, but light is much better, to mention a couple, but initiating fone calls esp technical ones is a struggle still..

I’m Scared of opening mail.

I’m waiting for the next bad thing to happen

I’m incapable of chasing things up without having some kind of meltdown.

I can only handle a smidgeon of what I could before BWD

I’m terrified something will happen to my lil dog before I heal I want him to experience a grounded, balanced me again.

Sometimes I’m still to frightened to face the world.

Other stuff - lots of other stuff. But I’m tired & just wanted you to know I can totally relate to what you’re experiencing. So please know you’re not alone. At all.

Oh and I can't wear certain colors, which is so strange. I just started to listen to music a little again but they have to be new songs. Well I actually was able to listen to 2 older songs. I cried like a baby for half of the one as it brought back memories of my daughter and the time we used to spend together when she was little. A good memory but they still tend to be stressful a lot right now. I am able to watch those 2 tv shows thankfully. My husband s a pastor and I can't even listen to his recorded sermons the last few months. It is so strange that I can talk to him but can't listen online.

Oh and I can't wear certain colors, which is so strange. I just started to listen to music a little again but they have to be new songs. Well I actually was able to listen to 2 older songs. I cried like a baby for half of the one as it brought back memories of my daughter and the time we used to spend together when she was little. A good memory but they still tend to be stressful a lot right now. I am able to watch those 2 tv shows thankfully. My husband s a pastor and I can't even listen to his recorded sermons the last few months. It is so strange that I can talk to him but can't listen online.

 

Sorry!  Yeah, music brings back too many memories.  I have a problem with music too and can only tolerate  music I've never heard, LOL.  And there can't be singing.   So, I listen to instrumental jazz, and the tunes are all unfamiliar.  I do listen to a lot of sermons though, but when they talk loud or yell, it's hard.

That's great you can at least listened to jazz and sermons. I had started to listen to Gospel and had to stop as those songs started to develop memories and then no music so being able to listen to those songs now is great. I have even been able to start listening to klove radio and some songs that are older. Can't thank God enough:)

That's great you can at least listened to jazz and sermons. I had started to listen to Gospel and had to stop as those songs started to develop memories and then no music so being able to listen to those songs now is great. I have even been able to start listening to klove radio and some songs that are older. Can't thank God enough:)

 

This is great news, God's Girl.  It's good you can listen to some songs now.  Because of my last major withdrawal episode, I believe I now have a better understanding of what you're talking about with music and memories.  During that episode, I was so haunted by memories, good and bad.  I didn't want any of them.  I even wished for amnesia and felt envious of those who don't have any memories.

 

New confession:  I think I have agoraphobia, not fear of leaving the house, but of people coming in, like repairmen.  I'm fine once they're here, but the negative anticipation is intense, especially if they're late.

Glitter I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. Good memories should be just that, GOOD. I have to admit I am still nervous to touch plants or grass due to reaction to them as well as breating outside air for the same reason but it gets easier each time I do not have a bad experience. I am now listeing to music everyday and even more songs that had memories attached so praise God for that!!