Author Topic: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore  (Read 2917 times)

[Buddie]

Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« on: June 20, 2021, 01:58:52 pm »
10years after taking 2mg clonazepal a day.
This year, my lyme was a bit better and i wanted to reduced my meds, and as the clona wasnt working anymore for a long time, i stopped ct, as i was told this was a soft med anyway.


 10days later i crashed, severly...  got back up to 2mg. Stabalised after 5 days.  No withdrawal symptoms stayed.

2 weeks later, Decided to taper (fast), 0,1mg / 2weeks, still clueless what clona or a benzo was,  was ok till 0,5mg but started having issues after that , even though i started to get panick atacks  anxiety, insomnia i never related it to the clonazepam.

 I wanted to stabelise on 0,2mg but it never did. That last part from 0,5mg to 0,2mg in aboit a month was obviously to fast. But i didnt want to go up, so i decided to just bite the bullet... i sucked at it. Every day the withdrawel would get heavier. I always thought, one more day ! One more day !  Expecting it to last a week max.

 got the crappy AZ vaccin, 2 weeks after i was on 0,2mg,  and i crashed. Hard !!  The vacvin pushed me over the edge. Worse than c/t. Anxiety attack that lasted 5 days nonstop, couldnt have my wife or son near me without panick atacks, heartbeat of 140 non stop, no sleep, cried nonstop and all the other mental crap.  My wife Called the doc, and my doc told me to go back to 0,4mg and stabelise there. I was than 17 days on 0,2mg.

Im now 8days back on 0,4mg and i feel drugged. [...] wake up.
I sleep/rest all day.  The ànxiety atack is gone, the vaccin fever is gone, but i feel very fragile and on the edge. I try to ignore thoughts , just sit out. Small crys, just waiting to stabelise.

Weird thing, at 8pm it goes away and i feel normal. 10pm i take my clona like usual and back to being drugged.

My first idea is, 0,4mg might be to high !!
But why am.i having small anxiety atacks? Why still crying? Why still depressed?
That is withdrawel, so that means im to low / not stable yet? 


I took one night 0,3mg just to test watters, and anxiety was trough the roof, so back to 0,4mg but im not stabelising and i feel drugged 8days in.    When i went ct i was stable after 5 days, now im 8 days on 0,4mg and nothing except feeling like its way to much clona yet getting interdose withdrawel symptoms. Im confused. To high , to low,  need more time?

I dont want to move up and down and jojo to much.
I just want to stabelise !! No matter what dose, so i can do this properly.
I have my scale, ashton manual, micro dry tapering program.

But i Have no idea if i should lower, increase or do nothing.
I havent worked at my job since 0,2mg but i need to get back soon or i could get in trouble. And i [...] just say hey, im a benzo adict and very unstable.


Im seeing my docter tomorow to discuss it, but want a seconth opinion.
How come im not stable or starting to feel improvement after 8days,?
Fatigue could be from the vaccin, or physical result of the 5day anxiety atack, but than it would not make sense it dissapears at 8pm ?!  Everything dissapears. I can even smile and feel normal.
This must be the clona wearing off?

« Last Edit: June 20, 2021, 02:04:12 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2021, 01:26:07 pm »
Back from the md.

Bad news. As i'm not eating, not getting out of bed anymore, anxiety is unbearable, about to loose my job, she wants me to stop and go back on my old benzo dose.  I'm to fragile from the lyme, i just had 2year of very heavy treatment, i couldnt take this suffering for another week.  8 days should be more than enough to get a window and im spiraling down.

Even though this is the worst choice. Ive read about kindling and i wish i would see another option, but i can't give any good reason to continu this. At least i know nowwhat benzo are and do, i know now what not to do,  ive been on them for a decade without issues, ill be back one day to do this 100% sure !  But for now, this is a bust.

I know loads of people have adviced me to go on, not get back up, but there is no options left. Trust me when i say that this decision hurts alot. I have tried, but the fast tšper and my weak body just couldnt hold it together.  Ive had lyme for 15yezrs, im a fighter ! Iven been trough hell many times, but even I have to know when its time to call it a day and chose for safety.

I know im gonna get destroyed by all the comments. Pls keep in mind that im very fragile at the moment. I already feel bad for giving up. Making it worse wont help. Its either back up or ill get incarserated wich is no option as i have a sick wife and kid to take care off.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2021, 05:54:07 pm »
Sorry to hear that youíre struggling so much. I know how hard this can be. I donít think many here will judge you for doing whatís best for you. If youíre not eating and stuck in bed all day as an anxiety riddled mess, then maybe you should listen to your doctor and stabilize for the time being. I know the thought of going back up in dose and realizing that one day you will probably have to taper again can be extremely frustrating.  Benzo withdrawal coupled with Lyme disease can no doubt be very painful.

Good luck and be strong. I hope you get the relief you are looking for. If you do find relief just try to enjoy it for the time being. Once you are stable and have a good head on your shoulders then you can think about tackling the benzos.

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2021, 07:08:40 pm »
Thanks for the reply.
Im so happy to finaly hear a friendly echo.
Feels like ive been talking to myself , just turning around in my head on what to do for ages, just making it harder then it should. Lost in translation.

Tonight i was going to reinstate, but i had my 2th window in a week. Its not much. Two days ago i had a first window from 8pm to 10pm. Today , my doc ordered me to go for a walk. At 7pm i had a window, i ate dinner and went for a walk. Thats one hour sooner !

Its been 8days since i updosed to 0,4mg with no effect. Ive read klono takes 5days to build up, so its late, but this window
Is something ! I know when i wake up ill be a mess again, but maybe tomorow ill get another window?  Maybe the lyme and my general weakness just makes my body need more time than average...

Maybe i should wait 1 day with reinstating. I can always do that. Im not sure im trying to talk myself out of reinstating, but who knows? Is this small window worth it to wait out? Or am i just hopeless holding on.

Just when i had made peace with the idea Ô get a window. Aaaargh im confused !


Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2021, 09:00:22 pm »
Glad to hear windows are occurring for you. They may be short or small, but weíll take them. I agree with this being so f*****g frustrating and confusing. I wish I knew I could just quit and get the short term acute hell and then get better. As with other narcotic drugs like opiates. With them at least you know you will get better in a short time period, but these pills are so unpredictable. People take them for 2 months and quit, then find themselves in literal hell for the next several years. Itís almost unbelievable. I have quit cold turkey a long term semi high dose before without withdrawal. Now Iím stuck doing a slow taper with no idea how it will go. Iíve been functional so far, so I guess I canít complain too much.

I hope things continue to improve for you. We are all stuck doing this bullshit together, so we might as well help each other as best we can.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2021, 09:53:26 pm »
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. And I don't have an answer for you. My story is similar to yours as I also rapidly tapered from 2mg K.

You can look at my signature and see at the beginning I also had a tough ride and went into acute withdrawal. When I reinstated at 1mg after cutting to 0.5  I didn't want to "undo" the progress and suffering of 3 weeks but the wd got so bad I couldn't stand it anymore and I reinstated. (And I don't even have the additional medical complications you have!). I'm not saying you should reinstate. I'm just saying I understand what you're going through.

I was able to stabilize at 1mg and now tapering down gently every two weeks. The best decision for me was to reinstate, stabilize and taking it slow. I'm functioning, I haven't had to take sick leave since I crashed at 1mg and I can take care of my family. However, what worked for me, is not necessarily going to work for you.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I wish we had clear cut answer to navigate this. Unfortunately it's trial and learn for each of us. I sincerely hope you catch another window to make this decision easier!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2021, 10:04:10 am »
[...],

Don't worry. This was actually exactly what i needed to hear.someone who is in the same case and that says it worked for them. I know  nothing is sure with benzos, but what you did is exactly how i wanted to do it. Reinstate, stabelise, DMT, keep fonctioning.

Before coming here i was on fb group where i would get shouted at for even thinking to updose. Never mind reinstate.
They told me my doc is wrong, that i was ill adviced and needed to ignore her. But i was a total mess for 3 weeks.
Missed work, missed my sons bday, missed diner, all i would do i close myself up.in my room, earplugs in, eyes closed and wait till the day was over. I had a gut feeling this was going wrong but i was clueless and a benzo group told me to go on.
Then your wife and doc screams you to stop this madness and reinstate  , and you are in the middle with a f***** up brain trying to make sense... anxcious of staying on the dose, anxious of reinstating.

That made me so insecure and made me keep going longer than i should have. Now all i hope is i didnt overdo it and i can stabelise. Even though i had a 3hour window, its still a 21hour wave left, so i decided to reinstate...  my wife had to leave yesterday night for a vaccin, and i wasnt able to handle my own kid for 1 hour. That was just not acceptable. Window or not. That was one step to far. i allready missed his birtday i promised i would be better by then. I'm not doing that anymore.

So:
Day 1 : 1mg clonazepam. 

I should start feeling it in 3 days and be better by friday.
I hope !!!! I stabelise and i didnt f*** it up.

Edit: Profanity






« Last Edit: June 26, 2021, 11:25:06 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2021, 06:28:38 pm »
Wow I'm so sorry that you got berated for your choices. That's why I have such appreciation for this forum because we don't tell people what to do, we give advice and whatever they decide we still support them.

I really hope you're able to find some relief after reinstating. Emotionally you sound more positive and determined to beat this and I am so pleased to hear that. Please keep us updated on your progress.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2021, 09:03:15 pm »
Yes, this place is amazing !!
Its a whole different experience and nice to not be judged.

Yes i feel better mentally because i have a plan !! and a md who stands behind my plan instead of just waiting i  agony for something to come that might never come or to late. In 2 days the 1mg should kick in, i have hope again. !

My doc ordered me to eat again. Still strugling but found out i had no problems drinking proteine shakes during waves. Thats 600kcal !! 

She also ordered me to get out of the house, so i went to get my kid from school. My neighbour came with me just in case, and it went ok, even with 100.kids screaming around me. I was actually more anxcious in the hour before than during the actual moment. So weirf.  I never had anxiety, so im learning how this works.

Then it started to rain, im a big cigar afficionado, i took a 2h cigar and went for a loooong walk in the rain. The cold wind, the rain, alone in the street, it felt amazing. I felt real again. Not like in a parralel universe. Does this make sense? I had my night window at that time too. It felt like i was drowning for weeks and this was my first breath of air at the surface.

Still couldnt handle my kid after school during my wave, god thanks for tv. but when i had my window at nighgt , we spend time reading his book, making jokes, puting him to bed. I feel a dad again !

If i wasnt working, not maried, no responsabilities, i would just go c/t, lock myself up and just do it. But i can't and i need to be functioning so thats the plan.

Did a quick  calculation.
1mg clono 5%/14days would give 4 years! 😳
1mg clono 7%/14 days would give 2 years.
1mg clono 0,001/day and slow end taper 1600 days 🤣

Who cares  anyhing is better than this acute agony.
Done 15y of lyme, i can do 4y of benzo 😎👊

Thx for all the suport. This is priceless.
😍 my Botb : brothers of the benzos
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Increasing dose after fast taper, not stabelising anymore
« Reply #9 on: June 23, 2021, 10:10:34 am »
Short updatre: 2th day at 1mg reinstatement.

Feeling sooooo tired. No idea if it is normal. Couldnt get out of bed. Lets hope its just a bad day and by friday the.1mg is doing its job. There is always that litlle voice who is saying, nothing will work. Gotta keep my s$%t together but wasnt expecting a worse day.  :sick:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.