Impossible Situation?

Hi

I started on a low dose of Valium over 14 years ago for anxiety (PRN - taken as required.) Over the years I have arrived at a dose of 25mg (+5 when I feel overwhelmed.)

I am currently trying to hold down a job, very depressed and struggling with terrible SA. I'm also struggling to deal with a break up of over 12 years.

I only have a small monthly prescription and as my tolerance grew I sought valium elsewhere.

At the moment I don't feel I can start to taper and feel age and the amount I take is against me?

Apart from family members and lack of local support I feel like I'm in an impossible situation.

I'd be grateful for any advice.

Hi harmonia71, it can be quite scary once we realize the predicament we are in.  Are you feeling any withdrawal symptoms besides the depression and sa?  What amount does your doctor prescribe you? Is there a possibility of asking your doctor to prescribe some more so you can stabilize and taper. I know it can be hard here in the USA to get a doctor to prescribe more of a narcotic drug. They are cracking down on prescribing these types of  drugs, which is good so other people don’t have to go through what we are going through...But the ones who have been prescribed it a long time (like yourself) should be able to do a slow taper, and that requires more of the medication. 25mgs of Valium is not a huge dose. Many members have and are currently tapering from a higher dose than you. You are already on Valium, so that is already in your favor. I hope you stabilize shortly. Then you can tackle the taper. You can post on the tapering board once you decide to start a taper. There are many members, administrators, and moderators who have helped thousands of people taper off these drugs. You do not have to feel alone. Everyone here is in the same boat or has been in the same boat as you.

I know this feels impossible and I can tell you're overwhelmed but is there something in your life that feels manageable at the moment, can we talk about your successes rather than your challenges right now?  I'd like to get to know the person who is strong enough to hold down a job while most likely experiencing horrific symptoms and dealing a significant breakup, you sound like a very strong person.

 

I don't know your age but I hope you won't let that stop you from seeking quality of life, you deserve it, we all do no matter how old we are.

 

 

Hi

Thanks for your replies.

Actually Pamster despite the difficulties of holding down a job my job is currently at risk due to changes in the workplace which has added extra stress. The job is the only thing that is keeping me together right now giving me structure in my life and interaction with others. I have struggled with depression and anxiety/social anxiety since my teens and been through most SSRI's, SNRI's, Tricyclics, MAOI's and even an Seroquel. The most effective was Nardil and MAOI but it's effectiveness gradually wore off and it is a drug that has to be taken with caution as interaction with foods can cause hypertensive crisis which can be fatal. The other AD's I don't think helped my anxiety which I feel is the cause of the depression. At the moment this feels like the most difficult time I've had in my life. I feel pretty helpless. My resilience is not what it was.

TouchdownIrish I'm very reluctant to ask my doctor for an increase of my prescription. Here in the UK it is difficult enough to get a prescription from a doctor for a benzo and the prescription was given by a doctor from a hospital as an outpatient. I certainly wouldn't tell any professional I have been getting more from another source.

I am looking for local groups but there aren't any in my local area.

 

 

There are too many things in your life that feel out of your control, I know this is very discouraging, when will you know if your job is safe, if it isn't, will you be given options?  I understand how important structure is when our life feels so unmanageable, I sure hope you can keep your job.

 

Your medication balance sounds tricky, I've heard medications can lose their effectiveness, I'm sure it's scary to have to experiment on yourself to find another one that might be effective.

 

I'm concerned about your other source for Valium, I've heard from other members that it's difficult to know you're actually getting Valium, how much are you supplementing your prescribed dose?

Thanks Pamster. Not sure what's going to happen. We are being kept in the dark about the changes. The uncertainty doesn't help.

The Valium has definitely lost it's effectiveness which was bound to happen. Trying to keep the dosage the same, though tapering right now seems impossible.

I have a monthly prescription that amounts to 5mg daily (supposed to be 3 daily when required); I'm taking 20, 25 sometimes 30 depending on what situations I face.

I'm positive my source is legit.

I'm glad your source is legitimate, there's some scary stuff out there.  I'm sure it's stressful to have to worry about getting enough to supplement your prescription, and who needs that piled on top of everything else?

 

Can you get on a steady dose each day, can you figure out an average and take only that for a couple of weeks to see if you can establish a baseline so a taper can be the next step?

 

 

Thanks Pamster

I am trying to stay on 25mg at the moment. Maybe twice a week I might take an extra 5mg if there is a meeting or something that causes me extreme social anxiety. The uncertainty of my job at the moment is causing deep depression and anxiety.

Hopefully in a week things will calm down at work I can set to stabilizing on 25mg and see if I can slowly taper from there.

At weekends I only take 20mg.

I hope you are able to stabilize on your 25 mg a day and, eventually, start a taper to get off it. It sounds like it isn't working like it used to and you're hitting tolerance. While the temptation may be to updose to get relief, sometimes that's a sign you need to taper off. But..you want to be moderately stable first. Maybe after you find out what's going on with your job, you can address your Valium issues.

 

I wish you the best and look forward to exchanging support with you,

 

HM

Thanks for the advice. It's very difficult at the moment.

Harmonia,

 

Tapering is never easy for anyone. Well, I take that back. There are a select few that have an easy time, but for the rest of us, it's difficult. I started my taper because Xanax turned on me and quit working but it sounds like you still benefit from the Valium making it harder to quit. The good news is; Valium is the best benzo to taper from because of it's long have life. Maybe if you feel strong enough, you could start a taper and see how you feel? If you go slow enough, you may tolerate it well and be on your way to being benzo free. Benzo's impact us negatively even when they are 'working' a lot of the time, according to what i have heard/read and my personal experience.

 

No matter what you do or when (if ever) you taper, I wish you the best days you can have,

 

HM

Thanks HeartMost

I will definitely have to try a slow taper. I am concerned about having nothing after coming off valium as I have struggled with very bad anxiety/SA since my early twenties.

They seem like miracle drugs until they stop working for you. I am happy Valium is still working for you after all this time. Xanax quit working for me and I take it now (as I taper) only to avoid the backlash of WD symptoms. Benzos are bad for your brain whether they are working or not. I hope you take advantage of the threads on here that can help you with your taper. Many very anxious people have tapered and are now benzo free and manage to handle their anxiety without meds. I know that's impossible to believe but it's true. My anxiety is the same despite dropping my dose by 75%. I am down to 1 mg from 4 mg. It can be done. Your brain can acclimate over months to no medication and you can learn to manage your anxiety without the meds.

 

Let us know when you begin your taper.

 

HM

Thanks Heartmost

It's been some time since I posted. I'm struggling with anxiety and depression...The last two months have ben very bad. I struggle to do anything and find it hard to even go out.

I'm currently off sick but my sicknote will run out soon. I am terrified of going back to work with the excruciating anxiety.

I've tried to maintain 15mg of diazepam and have updosed on occasions to see if I can stabalise...I know I have reached tolerance.

I know there's no miracle answers to my post but any support would be good right now.

I worked full time after my cold turkey except for the first 3 weeks, I know it's tough to work but it can also be a blessing, it actually helped me to focus on something other than my symptoms.  It was often overwhelming, being around people was excruciating but I found ways to manage my work day and they really helped. 

 

I know dreading going back to work is probably exacerbating your symptoms but maybe once you do you'll find ways to make it work for you.  I found that taking notes and making lists helped me make it through.  I often had to take my work home because of my cognition deficit but that was helpful too because it gave me something to do at night.  I soon found that I was dreading weekends because they gave me too much time with my thoughts, hard to believe but its true.

 

When I had to get away from people I'd go into a bathroom stall or take a walk around the building.  I confided in two people I worked with about my situation and they were so good to me, they actually became quite protective and cleared the way for me to step away when things got too much, I'll always be grateful to them.

 

We have a full time workers group in the support group board you could post to to help you find ways to cope with your situation.

Thanks Pamster

It's a terrible dilemma...Not working leaves me with full days and I am becoming more and more withdrawn and worry about the future and going through the whole process of being unemployed.

My ability to concentrate and remember things is quite bad right now. I work in an environment very focused on others with a lot of multi-tasking.

However right now I'm struggling with terrible social anxiety and depression...A constant feeling of dread. I'm hoping I will stabalise before the time comes where I have to make a decision.

I will check out the full time workers support group.

 

Hi Harmonia,

 

It's been a few months since I posted here. When I talked with you last, I was down to 1mg and my anxiety was manageable. Now, I am down to .12mg a day and my anxiety is worse. I am also anxious and depressed. I have been on SSDI (Social Security Disability) for 5 years and I very much want to go back to work but I am consumed with anxiety. I hope your anxiety and depression is lifted a little. Where are you with your Valium?

 

Hope you're doing well. Just thought I'd check in.

 

HM

harmonia and heart,

I am sorry we are all feeling so crappy.

 

harmonia -- you say you are now down to 15mg of valium and a few month ago you were at 25 and sometimes 30....that just seems awfully quick --- do you think that could be contributing to the increase in anxiety? 

 

heart, you as well have tapered a ton over the last few months ---

 

believe me, I am not lecturing here --- I am STUCK on my taper and trying to see if I can stabilize -- I was just wondering if maybe the speed of the taper could be contributing

Hello 300days Yes I think I've underestimated that I've made a sharp decrease over the past couple of months. I think it's over a month now that I've been on 15mg and I've felt no relief...Terrible anxiety and feelings of hopelessness but also a fear of up dosing.

I'm still struggling at 15mg Diazepam, no doubt due to dropping my dose too quickly but also external life factors that are impacting me. Would anyone suggest trying to up dose until I work out my other problems and try and stabilize? I know it's not recommended but I am suffering terribly at the moment and can't see how I am going to move forward.

What was the last dose you felt stable on?

I think 20mgs... It wasn't perfect but I was managing to work.