Rapid taper, panic all day and night

i was on diazepam for over ten years and had to do a rapid taper, its nearly six weeks since day zero and the panic is all day and all night all the time and i cannot cope and i dont know what to do as i feel so physically ill as well, i am underweight and it has destroyed my life and i just want to die but cannot think of a sure way to achieve that .. but i also want to get better but feel like i cannot as i cannot sleep and i really really need help but live rurally and there is no help and i also have to move house and everying is just too much for me and i dont know waht to do can aboybody please please help me

Edit: Split post and added title.

I am so sorry, Frep.  Your fear is so very palpable and all I can offer is my sincere empathy for your situation.  I was a rapid taper as well but only after short-term use and it was an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone.  There are no words for the suffering that happens during withdrawal.  You are in acute withdrawal.  Nothing anyone will say or do will help this acute process (but we definitely can empathize because we know what you are going through).  It just has to happen.  You can do this though.  Others have done it before you, including those who were prescribed long term use as well. 

 

You note that you "also want to get better."  This is your mantra now.  Keep saying to yourself that you want to get better and that you WILL get better.  It just takes TIME.  A lot of time that will feel impossible, but it IS possible.  Just get through each moment. That's how we do this. We just have to survive the moments that turn into the days, that turn into the weeks, that turn into the months until we begin to see those signs of getting better.  It does happen. 

 

You say you have to move in the middle of this.  Is this a definite thing that has to happen or are you making a choice to move?  If it's something that absolutely has to happen, do you have any family members or friends that you can enlist the aid of?  Even someone who might not live close you but would be willing to come to your aid?  We don't know your situation so just trying to run through possibilities here.  If there is absolutely no one, then perhaps you can hire out someone to move you?  Unlike the pain of your acute withdrawal, these are wholly logistical issues, things that can be worked out in one way or another. 

 

As for your pain and panic, please just hold on.  I know this is hard to do. 

I can literally feel the pain and anguish in your post Frep. You said you had to do a rapid taper. Why were you not allowed to slowly taper? I do agree that acute benzo w/d can literally make one think that you are dying. That was how I felt during my inpatient rehab in 06, but you can get better and recover, even tho that might seem like a remote possibility ATM.

 

How much Valium were you on, and how quickly did you have to go from that amount to zero?

your words are a grim reminder of exactly where I was. my taper and aftermath was pure hell. I was miserable day and night. but my will to live and not let this evil overtake me was just as strong. just know this isn't permanent. I'm not gonna lie. It's really tough. take it moment by moment. you will sleep when your body needs it. I hardly slept at all for so long I was perpetually exhausted for quite a long time BUT I knew I was free from that awful poison and that slowly I would heal in time. and slowly I did. you are never alone even if you feel you are. try and remember this. we all know exactly how truly awful you feel. YOU WILL HEAL.  :smitten:

I felt horrid after my CT and finally added a gabapentinoid. It changed my life.

Frep,

I am so sorry you are struggling. I feel your pain. I am on a liquid taper but I have anxiety and insomnia every day/night. I understand. Time will heal. I have been tapering for about 6 weeks and that's about how long ago you went CT. Everyone heals. It just takes time. Hang in there. Benzo WD is as bad as it gets. Your a hero for staying as strong as you have.

 

We're here for you. We can offer support and empathy.

 

HM

I did a rapid taper too...yes all it feels like hell on earth. But I am 15 months from that now and am quite functional now. Mental/emotional I'm good a lot of the time now. I still deal with some physical stuff.

 

It takes time. Time for your body to heal. CNS is very fragile from the benzo usage ok? It gets better. But you need to dig your heels in and accept this is a journey. Find positive, gentle ways to distract yourself. Chemical transmissions are out of whack right now and your body is working hard to find equilibrium.

 

You're not crazy and you are not alone.  your body is trying to heal

Clarifying post - I am not providing medical advice. If you felt that I did, I apologize. Please check with you doctor on any medicine. I am not advising to do anything without the advice of your doctor.