30 months of symptoms, zero quality of life.

Wondering if anyone else still got mental symptoms nearly 29 months off zop, could support each other ?The physical symptoms dissipated within first 6 months. Did briefly try SSRI's but symptoms remained same throughout so has been solid 29 months symptoms.Mine mainly OCD type symptoms fear may have hurt people, have changed a bit, the 24/7 depression has eased plus thoughts not wanting to be here. But the underlying anxiety, and having keep checking certain things never eases. Never had a window. Just feel I'm a burden to my husband and got little quality of life, as so limited to what I can do outside the home. Despair has crept in that I might have to adjust in the future to fact my world has just got smaller. Have had lot emotional stress recently definitely increased t

my symptoms. My family set on destroying what little sanity I had left. Only future looking bit bleak at moment.

 

I know I'm like a broken record but just feel so alone with no windows after all this time.

I know I'm like a broken record but just feel so alone with no windows after all this time.

 

Leann I do wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better. I have been following your situation with your sister. I am so sorry you have to deal with so much stress. Sometimes we have to cut ourselves off from toxic people in order to save our own lives. Pamper yourself and concentrate on your needs and revisit the drama after you have healed more if you wish.

 

Don't give up!! Keep going and I want to let you know that I see and hear you!!

 

PG :smitten:

leann, I am so sorry. I really think it's worth trying a different med. Even Ashton recommends this.

 

If you have not tried a neurosteroid increasing SSRI, this could be really beneficial. Zoloft is one of the best tolerated antidepressants. When I did it, I started with 2.5mg. At this dose, it doesn't bind serotonin but might increase neurosteroids. I didn't feel it at all. I increased to 5mg and had some weird dreams so I stopped but I was only 6 months out, so really sensitive. I have several friends who have done remarkably on this.

 

You could also consider the Circadia / Fisher Wallace. Their trials look pretty great and its been out for a very long time.

 

There are some decent studies on pregabalin too for anxiety, depression, OCD and PTSD. You don't have to take megadoses. I currently am trying out just 8mg (1/3 capsule!) It calms me instantly.

 

Carefully trying some treatment might be really helpful. It doesn't have to be forever, you can go slow, and it might change your life. You could wait it out - there are people who heal after many year, so it's up to you. Let me know if you are tired of hearing from me - I suspect I sound like a broken record too and may not be saying what you want to hear.

Thank you both, just feel very alone at times. No I never get tired of you fluffernutter, appreciate you caring. Just my experience of other meds not been great, but pleased you found something to help you. Did see a psych he gave me script fir duloxetine, made me feel awful totally spaced out. When things were really unbearable with family did  take a couple rescue doses of half zop but felt really depressed next day.So wary trying anything else. Plus you can only have phone appt with gp's so doubt they'd give me anything. Off to bed now as 10.15 pm here, but thank you for caring.

 

 

leann,

I just want to say i am sorry that you are struggling and I care. I, too, wish there was something I could do to help. I have a lot of anxiety too and I meditate a lot or I just lay down and 'rest' for a while (I have insomnia) and focus on things that are calming. Maybe that isn't possible in your situation but I wish you reprieve. Hang in there! Things will get better. I have read about your family issues and I am sorry about that. This will all, eventually, pass and you will be in a better place. I am not an expert on AD's but maybe there is one that can help.

 

My very best to you. Take good care.

 

HM

2 cups of coffee a day made me feel healed for atleast 6 months. I would atleast try it if you havent. it wont work forever but it just may give you a break from having no windows

I took Tofranil and Norpramin, old tricyclic AD's, back in the 80's and they worked good and came off them with no problems.  They've been on the market for over 40 years and have a track record. Why does everyone always recommend the new SSRI's, etc? 

I seem to be in reverse situation Leann.  Mental symptoms improving.  Now hit with physical.  Pain all over.  Wtf.

 

Twenty seven months.  How can this be so!

 

I have been under enormous stress with my daughter's mental illness.  Seriously Leann, I had to step back. Let go.  There was no other way.  And I don't feel guilty anymore. I can only give what I am capable of giving. Not much, to be sure.  It's worked out better for both of us. Subtle change for the better.

 

Stress is the only thing I can attribute it to.  Not minor, normal stress, but phenomenal stress. I will never allow myself to go through it again. It will kill me.

 

I don't know what the situation is with your sister Leann, but I'd be stepping back. Right back. 

 

Sorry you are going through family stress as well. Just so sick of getting these B***dy awful waves with never any respite. Seem be getting rapid cycling symptoms. Had years of emotional abuse from mother, when she died couple months ago final parting shot was leave everything to sister, lives in Oz saw her once year since emigrating  20 years ago. Just so tired of this after 29 months, just got try and cope without chemical help but really hard.

I'm so sorry Leann.  I'm trying (forced) into letting go of everything that is not Recovery related.  I won't survive otherwise. 

 

I posted reply about mental symptoms in other thread.  I'm in exactly same state - no respite, and it's caving me in. 

 

Hope you find some respite, soon. 

 

Where is Oz?  The only Oz I know is the The Wizard of Oz.

Oz is Australia? Maybe you don't called it that in US.

leann,

 

  Hoping this Sunday is meeting you with a little, well deserved window. Keep us posted on your progress. I slept an hour last night and am grateful that is my only symptom today as tired as I am. I still have a long ways to go in my taper.

 

HM

 

 

Feel like I'm loosing my mind at moment. Went for meal last night had good time. Today anxiety through the roof, spent most day crying stressing over family again, son skyped could barely talk to him, can't eat, got jelly legs. Seem be having rapid cycling of symptoms last couple weeks. Got no idea if it's withdrawal, stress or hopefully my brain trying repair itself. Good luck with the tapering, I really think could of been spared all this if I'd been able to taper.

leann,

 

  I am glad you were able to go out and have a meal and enjoy yourself last night. I'm sorry today isn't as fun .

Your brain HAS to be healing. That's what damaged brains do. We are all healing. I feel a little crazy too, from lack of sleep.

 

 

HM

I wonder at times, 29 months and no windows just b awful waves. Shouldn't compare but most people seem to be improving this far out, not get more symptoms. Get frustrated as felt so much better and normal on the zopiclone, wasn't give choice whether to stop them. Good luck tapering.

Just want to remind, encourage you Leann. 

 

The mental symptoms really do get better.  I'm not totally out of the woods, but sooo much improved.  I'm 27 months and only last 2 months could I see them going for good. That's the plan.

 

Dee

Leann...I am soon 43 months off now. I have been where you are. And sometimes I still am. Its crazy how the brain is doing what it is doing I have NO control of it anymore. Stupid strange thoughts that gets worse when I have DR/DP bad like now. This mental torture is often making me super scared. Like you my thoughts speed up and gets intrusive in looops for days. Often about harm thoughts. For many its just OK its only thoughts. But when it is like this all the time it gets too much. I have had them for over 4 years now. Not as often anymore I tried to fight them make it stop but it got worse like my fear trigger harm thoughts. Now when it is bad I selftalk I say stop it to myself you dont want that! Or OK here we go again. It helps me little. I have had so strong harm thoughts I had to hide knifes at home.

 

The most common OCD thought is harm thoughts.

OCD feeds on fear and anxiety/anxious feeling.

I have had a long time with a lot of better mood and less intense symptoms. It started when I forced myself to live normal as much as I can. Now these days I walk 2 h outside every morning. I have started to drive and read books again. I follow my husband away from home (super scary)

But for soon 3 weeks ago I had to do surgery in mouth anestehezied and that stress gave me a setback with both wave mental/physical.

I doubt that the food you ate  you posted about in another pist gave you setback. More the stress you have/feel.

I am my worst own enemy

Its hard its brutal but we can do this ❤

My symptoms that is left you can see in my sign.

Worst are the zaps/electric feeling inside my body and pain incl dr/dp ocd thoughts...and tinnitus omg

Sundance! I sent you a message. No I meant I am a mom too of a 12yrs old little boy! So sorry for that lack of a comma

Leann...I am soon 43 months off now. I have been where you are. And sometimes I still am. Its crazy how the brain is doing what it is doing I have NO control of it anymore. Stupid strange thoughts that gets worse when I have DR/DP bad like now. This mental torture is often making me super scared. Like you my thoughts speed up and gets intrusive in looops for days. Often about harm thoughts. For many its just OK its only thoughts. But when it is like this all the time it gets toho much. I have had them for over 4 years now. Not as often anymore I tried to fight them make it stop but it got worse like my fear trigger harm thoughts. Now when it is bad I selftalk I say stop it to myself you dont want that! Or OK here we go again. It helps me little. I have had so strong harm thoughts I had to hide knifes at home.

 

The most common OCD thought is harm thoughts.

OCD feeds on fear and anxiety/anxious feeling.

I have had a long time with a lot of better mood and less intense symptoms. It started when I forced myself to live normal as much as I can. Now these days I walk 2 h outside every morning. I have started to drive and read books again. I follow my husband away from home (super scary)

But for soon 3 weeks ago I had to do surgery in mouth anestehezied and that stress gave me a setback with both wave mental/physical.

I doubt that the food you ate  you posted about in another pist gave you setback. More the stress you have/feel.

I am my worst own enemy

Its hard its brutal but we can do this ❤

My symptoms that is left you can see in my sign.

Worst are the zaps/electric feeling inside my body and pain incl dr/dp ocd thoughts...and tinnitus omg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks sundance glad things have calmed down for you. Not too bad at the moment, the rapid cycling stopped for the now. Haven't been sleeping coz humid weather which seems rack up symptomsI don't think it's anything I've eaten personally. Just seems every so often get these horrible waves, could cope bit better if they were followed by a window. Almost feel like I have flu, exhausted , feeing nauseous and ache a lot not sure what symptoms of the benzo flu are, maybe it's just lack of sleep, but better than I was. Look forward to seeing your new name😋

Clarifying post - I am not providing medical advice. If you felt that I did, I apologize. Please check with you doctor on any medicine. I am not advising to do anything without the advice of your doctor.

Lovely, you can do this. Please don’t limit yourself to not believing you will heal & that it’s going to be this way forever:.  This is your Benzo brain talking. We have all felt this way: totally understandable:. You will heal. You will get better. Hang in there. One breath at a time: one foot in front of the other: you can do this. Do not do not lose hope. You have to cultivate one positive thought - just one & then grow it. You are doing well. Keep going.

Went away for couple nights sort of coped OK, came back anxiety full throttle . Get day or so the anxiety just about manageable, then back to feeling hopeless again. After 2 and half years without lot improvement you start feeling it's mission impossible. Just wish there was something I could take short term just to repair my brain without causing more damage. This rapid cycling is so hard, only just year off anti depressants, so possibly it's withdrawal from them. Just feel any hope of normal life returning is slipping through my fingers, never getting a window so  B hard

Leann:

 

I think I have mentioned this before, but your jump date is when you stopped your last psychotropic drug.  You said you stopped your AD one year ago, so that is how many months you have been in post acute withdrawal - 12 months.  I would think this would be encouraging to you - you are still well within the 12-18 month timeframe of healing.  Also, you have been kindled pretty severely, so that is part of the equation as well.  You will get better; it is just a matter of time.  There is really nothing you can take to help with withdrawal.  Try to focus on the positive and take one day at a time.