Think I'm Reinstating

My medical news got worse and worse. I was being sent to the ER to control the pain (sadly not from benzo, but worsened by wd) on a daily basis, which naturally I didn't just keep going. I finally became hopeless and in a very bad state, almost got thrown in the hospital by people who thought I was a danger to myself, and of course when I explained it was all due to physical pain that isn't being treated + benzo wd they understood but asked why, in my state, I had even remotely considered tapering off.....lol....well, I do want to be off this horrible drug. I enjoyed my free days thinking this was all behind me and I'd never have to be chained to a drug again. Then the pain got too much and new docs proposed cymbalta, gabapentin, opiates and muscle relaxants.....I mean, I was in better shape with only one benzo than all of that, and those all have withdrawal syndromes as well. Surgery (or 2 surgeries) are still on the table and unavoidable. So perhaps back to maybe just where I was when I got maimed last year? .5 or so? See how it goes?

 

Simple fact is I was misdiagnosed physically, got two horrid surgeries that need correction and still need to treat the underlying issue. I took a rescue dose almost a week ago, and it was not remotely a 100% fix but it also did relieve a lot of the pain. OK, I was in so much pain I took a rescue dose after taking an opiate as well. And it sort of made me able to sleep. I do wish I could just make it through.

 

On the upside, I know I can get off this drug. I've done it. I also now know I can get a good night's sleep and some pain relief. The downside is the obvious not making it off a taper, but I honestly didn't know what else to do and the docs didn't call anything in quickly enough except cymbalta and muscle relaxers.

 

 

Goodness, it sounds like you are having a really rough time, I'm sorry.  Your signature says you've reinstated so perhaps you've made the decision?  I'll hope for you that getting some sleep will help you through the day in a more comfortable manner AriadneIrene.

yeah. I wasn't sure, they keep giving me inadequate measures to address the pain and I found myself admitted to a hospital trying to figure out how to do surgery while in withdrawals within two weeks of jumping. Within another few weeks I was back in the ER saying I didn't want to live anymore in this much pain, it just wasn't worth it trying to pursue my healthcare issues that exploded during my taper in this state. Without withdrawal it would actually be a lot to handle. it's sad as I preferred my brain off this (and any other) drugs but I was hitting such high levels of pain that sort of wiped away the clear headed joy of being off the drug. Whew. This is a rough road.