Mutiple Tapers/long haulers/high dosages

[[Buddie]]

It's cool to read all of your challenges, successes, and processes. I had multiple tapers off many meds before finally tackling 6mg klonopin. What a ride! 3 months off as of yesterday after 6 yr taper. Brutal, but free now. Bless you all and hang tough

[...] congratulations! Many of your posts have made me feel much better over these two years as your optimism is so contagious. I'm tapering at snail pace, more holding than tapering, and who knos, maybe one day I'll be off like you are, or not, I try to no longer obsess about it. Bless you too!

A "snail pace" is just fine! It seems like a lot of people put pressure on themselves to get off the benzo as soon as possible. Rushing the process only makes things worse. Perfection usually doesn't happen quickly, so I'm sure you'll be just fine while listening to your body and doing what's best for you. I just haven't seen people do well after rushing things. There's a lot of truth when someone says that "we need to heal faster than we taper". Your race is different than everyone else, so we need to not compare. Little by little, a little becomes a lot

Keep going!

[[Buddie]]

Great advice Ultra 2007 👍😊🎂🎊

[[Buddie]]

Great work Ultra! Also, very encouraging. It is going to take me many years to taper unless my body decides to let me make bigger cuts then what I can do now.

[[Buddie]]

Hello everyone,

 I couldn't agree more that this is not a competition and that you want your healing to be on par with your tapering. I am still not making a cut until July 2nd, after some stressful events take place that i want to be 'well' for. My GAD is mild but my insomnia is still severe. I did sleep some last night and, as usual, I am very grateful for what I get.

Have a good Friday

[...]

[[Buddie]]

Hi All,

I am so pleased this group has been conceived. It already feels like my spiritual home. I am off the chart again, having updosed and need to get back on the straight and narrow for the long, slow push. I have been up and down so many times; as we say here in the UK, "Up and down like a whores drawers (i.e. knickers)."

I hope that phrase has not offended anyone, and I am just trying to spread some amusement with a saying which pre-dates political correctness by at least a century.

I am realising now that I have already had severe and protracted withdrawals from my previous outing with the benzos, c.2013. I did not know what to look for and dulled the pain with wine. I ended up becoming dependent on alcohol eventually. It was a miserable time.

I have not had a drink in over 18 months, and the intention with my latest benzo episode was for a short-term fix for severe anxiety at the start of Covid and lockdown. Here I am just over a year later, and this time I know there's no escaping it. I have BWS  on stilts.

What I have noticed over my variety of tapers is how susceptible we become to outside influence. Good stuff can happen, and sx. can go into remission; then a knockback can come and BOOM!

Desperate to keep is slow and steady as advised this time. I need to get stable at 10mg yet again, starting this weekend/next week.

[[Buddie]]

Welcome [...]. I think so far, you and I are at the highest doses. We may be the long haulers in this forum as we work through some very long tapers.  For me, making a doctor approved updose taking me to 9 Mg was the worst thing I did in this process. and I am paying for it. I get cheating and bumping, I have done it for far too long and am determined to stay steady and accept that my life will be altered, that it is painful, and that it is also more important than anything else. I must get off of this poison. I am right there with you.

[[Buddie]]

[...],

  I admire your conviction. I feel the same way. I only hope as I taper that I heal so the anxiety is bearable and I start to get some sleep. We all need to get off this poison. Especially Xanax.

[...]

[[Buddie]]

Hi [...],

Thanks for the comment; I am ashamed to say that my previous doses have occasionally been totally off the scale. I have been very foolish and blase about the potential for damage. I had previously been labouring under the mistaken idea that ageing was a process that only occurred to others. I have landed with quite a bump now - I wasn't Superman after all. It all makes sense now. I thought the last bout of BWS was purely existential angst, but my brain has been damaged for years. My benzo history is long and convoluted. I wrote it all out as a piece of narrative over several thousand words for my blog the other day and somehow deleted the whole thing. I guess I will have to write it out again. Detailing it, with all its twists and turns, was very enlightening; now, I have the specific knowledge of what BWS is and does. I must have been through it, to varying degrees, at least 5 times since I was in my very early 20's. It is now all starting to make sense—what a disaster.

Still, the battle is back on again, and this time is definitely the last. I hope I get to the other side without permanent damage, but that remains a distinct possibility, such has been my disregard for common sense for this drug. I used to think it was just perfect like it was made for me.

Act in haste and repent in agony, I guess.

Thanks for the welcome, and good to meet you, plus the others (some of whom I am lucky enough to have already had the pleasure of chatting with).   


[...]

[[Buddie]]

I'm glad to see so many long haulers here who haven't lost hope completely. I'm just making a cut here and there when I can. I make a little cut and then wait two or three months. I can't do more than that. I like to read many experiences that aren't so different from my own in this group.

[[Buddie]]

I feel like my RX is safe for now. However, if my pdoc retires or there is a policy change it is not. I can't worry about that, it takes too much out of me.

I have not stabilized on my third dose, which is only .16 lower than dose 1 and 2. It is pure agony. Dose 1 and 2 are definitely withdraw, but not like number 3. It's been not quite 2 weeks. I am going to make it the same as dose 1 and 2 tomorrow, see if it makes any difference.

I am not getting out much, the anxiety has been pretty high. I question if I will stabilize. What happens if I never do? What if in 2/3 weeks from tomorrow at this dose I still feel this bad. I am really scared I can't taper without being in the agony of dose 3. It feels like a paradox.  Input appreciated.

I have seriously been thinking of doing a CT, as this taper is going to take years the way I can barely cut. I know that my dose is too high for that right now. I also would have to have care set up. I really don't want to go CT, last time was a nightmare beyond explaining. I am so frustrated.