Looking back over my taper and worse, having actually 'forgotten' that I took if for several months prior to my pregnancy and stopped cold turkey without ANY issues whatsoever, I truly have to [...] if it's what made this taper so much harder for me. I know far too many people who even after several years of use, at a significant dose, were able to discontinue with relatively mild symptoms.
I'm actually blown away that my taper has been this difficult. I didn't see it coming. When I joined BB years ago and read the many horrific stories, I crossed it off to many having been poly-drugged. I honestly was not prepared for a painfully long and symptom riddled journey.
My length of use and high dose probably contributed immensely to the problems I've had but you really have to [...] if the second or third time is more problematic.
Additionally, I think that once you become tolerant to the benzo, all hell breaks loose. I know that during my last year of grad school and internship, I started to [...] what was wrong with me. I'd be in the middle of a session with a client and could feel the room starting to spin, my face would drain of color, and I was preoccupied with "does my client see that I'm not 'right" right now?" It really bothered me. I would cross it off to having not eaten in 4 hours, etc. Only to find as the next year or so went on, that it started happening more frequently.. even if I was sitting at home and relaxed. This is what prompted to me start looking into Xanax At that point, I had been taking it for close to 15 years, as prescribed, as a compliant patient, and never thought twice about it. Well, as we all know, after that research... the rest is history! In a nutshell, I think that the minute you reach tolerance to a drug, and start experiencing interdose withdrawal like I did, every dose seems to be paradoxical in the sense that it no longer alleviates symptoms. And then you can only continue to updose so much before nothing works anymore. At least that was my experience. I did not feel ANY better at 6 milligrams than I did at 4. That's when I knew that it I absolutely had to come off of them.
Of course, what I found out during those months of research back @ 2015-2016 were devastating! The internet was non-existent when I started Xanax and I had never even heard of the word Benzodiazepine. Never! I thought I was taking some sort of SSRI (not kidding). I was THAT naïve! My doctor who had initially prescribed them blew off my questions with a swipe of the hand telling me that these were perfectly safe to use long term and non addictive! I KID YOU NOT! Those were his words in 1998... because I asked!
I honestly believe that length of use, duration, and of course multiple tapers or C/T's all play a major role in the degree of difficulty getting off. However, I think it's worth it! A year ago, I never thought I'd get this far. I was ready to give up! But here I am... only a few months left.
You got this, [...]! I swear you can do it!!!
Love,
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