WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO ENJOY A DRINK?

Hey fellow BBs.

First off thank you everyone for their ongoing support. I am just over a month over my taper, and I am feeling a lot better for sure. I want to do a post on that soon to support others but firstly, here goes...

Before benzo's came into my life, I was an avid wine lover, I always had a glass on an eve with my dinner. I gave it all up once diazepam took over my life, and during my detox kept well clear to not make the horrendous taper anymore difficult than it needed to be.

For the first time in a very long time (covid, and tapering misery) I hadn't seen friends or family for a pleasant eve in a long time. It was my daughters birthday this weekend past, and I like everyone else wanted to raise a glass. I had a few white wines and need I say anymore? I spend the entire day vomiting on Sunday. Now this is where I want some advice, its not a hangover vomiting or even a normal sickness virus type feeling, its unique, and if anyone has had it they will hopefully know what I mean. Disabling, crippling, and scary. I had this 6 times last year and landed myself in hospital for 3 days a time on drips. It's like my stomach just won't stop pumping despite its empty. It frightened me silly. Now, is this the benzos? Is this what it has done to my poor little tummy?

On my last admission I was diagnosed after a endoscopy I had duodenitis, but again, is that from vomiting constantly, or did the benzos cause the duodenitis? Can you see why I go in circles. 

Every time I have had wine in the past 18 months I have ended up in AMU.

Will I ever be free from the curse of Diazepam. I won the demon in my taper and I just wanted my old life back, foolish me. 

Please share stories of alcohol and benzo recovery with me guys. Hope I will feel less mad when I know someone else gets this. 

AJ xx