Spouse is constantly angry and stressed

How am I supposed to gain equanimity if my partner REFUSES to tone down his anger and stress around me?  He doesn't believe I will divorce him over this as I try to taper off these benzos, but what choice do I have?

Wow I can't believe you have the same issue I do!  My hubby is a very anxious, stressed and anger is his go-to emotion.

 

I have had numerous discussions with him about how sensitive my CNS was/is....of course he can't relate, no one knows what we go through.  Here are a few things I did, little by little to change up our routine.

 

- Politics is a BIG TRIGGER for hubby, so I explained that his reactions to the constant divisive news stories are a problem.  We turned off the news and I instituted an 8:30pm curfew on political topics of any nature.  If he wants to consume that crap, he does it in another room away from me.

 

- No R-rated movies!

 

- We sleep apart!  My sleep is paramount.  This gives me plenty on me-time and me-space.

 

- When he goes negative in front of me for whatever reason, I leave the room or house entirely.  I refuse to engage him on any of this maladjusted thinking.  Subliminally I'm hoping that this negatively reinforces his behavior, and he'll tone it down.

 

Surround yourself with positive people and activities.  Put limits on the behavior and stick to it.

 

Good Luck!

Wow I can't believe you have the same issue I do!  My hubby is a very anxious, stressed and anger is his go-to emotion.

 

I have had numerous discussions with him about how sensitive my CNS was/is....of course he can't relate, no one knows what we go through.  Here are a few things I did, little by little to change up our routine.

 

- Politics is a BIG TRIGGER for hubby, so I explained that his reactions to the constant divisive news stories are a problem.  We turned off the news and I instituted an 8:30pm curfew on political topics of any nature.  If he wants to consume that crap, he does it in another room away from me.

 

- No R-rated movies!

 

- We sleep apart!  My sleep is paramount.  This gives me plenty on me-time and me-space.

 

- When he goes negative in front of me for whatever reason, I leave the room or house entirely.  I refuse to engage him on any of this maladjusted thinking.  Subliminally I'm hoping that this negatively reinforces his behavior, and he'll tone it down.

 

Surround yourself with positive people and activities.  Put limits on the behavior and stick to it.

 

Good Luck!

 

I know this may be hard or impossible, but when Anger flares for me, I get to hear it from my spouse and always feel bad after the anger passes .  Can you somehow suggest to him that it's the chemicals talking...... or would that just p*ss him off more?

 

Easy to say, but try not to take it to heart. 

 

At least it may help you to know, you're not alone!

I know that people being angry with me or whatever really amps up my nervous system.

Wow I can't believe you have the same issue I do!  My hubby is a very anxious, stressed and anger is his go-to emotion.

 

I have had numerous discussions with him about how sensitive my CNS was/is....of course he can't relate, no one knows what we go through.  Here are a few things I did, little by little to change up our routine.

 

- Politics is a BIG TRIGGER for hubby, so I explained that his reactions to the constant divisive news stories are a problem.  We turned off the news and I instituted an 8:30pm curfew on political topics of any nature.  If he wants to consume that crap, he does it in another room away from me.

 

- No R-rated movies!

 

- We sleep apart!  My sleep is paramount.  This gives me plenty on me-time and me-space.

 

- When he goes negative in front of me for whatever reason, I leave the room or house entirely.  I refuse to engage him on any of this maladjusted thinking.  Subliminally I'm hoping that this negatively reinforces his behavior, and he'll tone it down.

 

Surround yourself with positive people and activities.  Put limits on the behavior and stick to it.

 

Good Luck!

 

I know this may be hard or impossible, but when Anger flares for me, I get to hear it from my spouse and always feel bad after the anger passes .  Can you somehow suggest to him that it's the chemicals talking...... or would that just p*ss him off more?

 

Easy to say, but try not to take it to heart. 

 

At least it may help you to know, you're not alone!

 

Yes I figure I can't be the only wife with this issue lol....

 

But do you mean that I should tell him it's the neurotransmitters talking?  He isn't on any drugs, although he does medicate with alcohol.  When I do point such things out he just gets angrier and explains this is his way of dealing with issues.  In our younger days I was working and busy with life instead of being constantly home convalescing.  I do intend to get a life once my recovery gets better.

Thanks.  He is not on any meds or alcohol.  He woke up angry again this morning.  It's unbelievable.

I can relate to all of this I’m having a hard time managing anger/resentment towards me over my taper. I know I’m no picnic but going through this is so hard he doesn’t understand. No one does but all of you. I saw some you tube videos people made to help spouses family members but I was on my pic at the time and couldn’t access to forward. My cognitive skills kept me from forwarding and refining.

Why aren't your spouses able to express what they're angry about?

Oh my hubby says what he is angry about - the issue is that he is angry about something or other a lot of the time.  It's no way to go through life.

I stopped dating men who were always angry, critical of other people or abusive.

omg... he needs to grow up

at a certain point, as an adult (anyone older than 20), they have a responsibility to manage their own emotions. I'm angry and stressed and I rant on my blog so I don't annoy people, or I learn to manage my stress by meditation or exercise. Isn't he embarrassed of being a loose cannon? Being angry all the time isn't a cute and quirky personality trait or anything to be proud of. It's immature.

 

idk I just think he needs a wake up call and consider changing himself and being a better man.

If you can afford it, move out. Or perhaps try posting for relationship advice on reddit/r/relationships; sticking around is like saying you'll tolerate this behavior. You do not deserve this, it is not your fault, and you are already going through a hard and noble thing for which he should be supportive and proud.

 

edit: removed the thing about alcohol, just read you said he DIDN'T drink

Relationships are a two way street.  I am not always the most pleasant person to be around either, especially going through this.  Along with the pandemic, a home renovation during a pandemic, and watching me ( a person he loves) go through something he can't do anything about, he is definitely stressed and anger can be the emotion ppl gravitate to during stress.

 

Since I am trying to change for the better, I am trying to drag him along with me.  He is open to these changes, but we all fall back into our old habits when stressed.

 

We are working through it together and I do think he listens to me. 

Thanks for the responses.  I know outside stress isn't going to just disappear just because I am tapering off a benzo.  Anyway he has been pretty calm since I posted this.

Must be really hard trying to maintain a relationship with another human while going through benzowithdrawal.

I recently said I literally can’t deal with to much stimulation (this is a newer withdrawl symptom or maybe I’m more aware) My husband just gets mad says it’s not a cake walk being married to me and I have to care for the children and be a good parent. I am a good parent but Benzo withdrawl after being on for 15 years is horrible. I’m just annoying and complain and am told to get my act together it’s very lonely to feel so unsupported. “Your not sick” is what I get nope I’m not but I feel like crap mentally and physically so I just push and push and push myself no other choice and cry when I’m alone

I am sorry SUCCEED14.  The extreme problems of coming off benzos should be made public knowledge IMHO.

My husband has been better.  He knows the acute hell of quitting smoking & I have told him to just treat me as if I am quitting 🚬 ng but over a much longer time frame.

For a group of drugs so frequently prescribed, in the U.S. at least, the ignorance about coming off them is UNBELIEVABLE.