SOME POSITIVITY FOR TODAY.

"THIS CARRIED ME THROUGH SOME HARD DAYS MONTHS BACK"

There is a place inside of us that none of this horrible stuff can touch.

I felt unwhole for a very long time, as I got better I realized I was always whole, there is something in the human spirit that is untouchable. There were days I thought I’m not going to make it, so many of them, but I did, I made it through everyday.

Once I began to trust the wisdom of my being, the part of myself that just wanted to survive, the brain and the body that was only trying to move closer and closer to healthy, once I accepted something I didn’t want to accept, I began to see the healing.

I remember sitting on the stoop of the porch in my house in the middle of winter, it was freezing and windy, and I was sobbing and saying I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to do this anymore, I want to die, alone, isolated, no one to call, I hadn’t been touched by another human being in months, and the voice in my head said, yes you can.

God, maybe I can but I don’t want to! But I did, I kept going, I had no other option, the only other option was unacceptable. I had to move forward because backwards was just so dismal. Once I started looking for hope, for healing, I began to find it.

I’m seeing people I have known for over a year and a half recovered, after very long, arduous, horrendous years of agony. Emails coming in everyweek saying I made it, I’m working, I’m driving, I’m shopping, I’m feeling joy. I let go of the drugs, I let go of what happened to me, I was in pain, and I was scared, and hopeless, I told my body and my brain, I trust you, I acknowledged the trauma, I gave sympathy to myself, I said you poor baby over and over and over again. I started to tell myself a different story, not a story of suffering and agony, a story about healing , the story I needed to finally believe, you will heal, it will be okay, I said to my brain and body, I know you are doing the best you can.

I let go of the anger, it was killing me, I had to, I had to wake up every morning and find the joy, the hope, as hard as that was some days I managed to find something. I congratulated myself for grocery shopping, for making soup, all the little things that most take for granted were huge successes for me. The more I honored and loved myself the better I felt, I ignored the bone pain, I ignored the tinnitus, I got really good at moving forward in the symptoms. Yes we are indestructable, there is a place inside us, a place that is reserved for survival, I never knew until I listened.

BEXLAN

I read it on a recovery group many months back.It was so encouraging to me.

I posted it on my blog during my 3rd month off.

Well, thank you for sharing!  I just sent it on to my GP as it rings so true and viscerally speaks to the pain we BWD buddies suffer through.

You are a very sensitive person and I always appreciate reading your thoughtful and thought provoking posts.

Have a wonderful day🙏

Well, thank you for sharing!  I just sent it on to my GP as it rings so true and viscerally speaks to the pain we BWD buddies suffer through.

 

You are a very sensitive person and I always appreciate reading your thoughtful and thought provoking posts.

 

Have a wonderful day🙏

Nice day too GG.You are amazing too.Thank you

Thanks for sharing Bexlan because this is very encouraging. May you continue to grow stronger physically, mentally and spiritually.

PG

Yes we are indestructable, there is a place inside us, a place that is reserved for survival, I never knew until I listened.

Thank you for sharing, Bexlan.  It is beautiful, particularly this last line. 

Thank you so very much! 

LiveLife

Thanks for sharing Bexlan because this is very encouraging. May you continue to grow stronger physically, mentally and spiritually.

 

PG

AMEN PG.How are you doing?

To all you dear friends on benzobuddies.You may look broken right now but know you the most whole of humans there is.The strongest people I know.

Please be reminded that all these tests are temporary.

A crown of victory awaits us all..

Bexlan.

Bexlan,

Thank you again! I'm really struggling today. Need all the positivity I can get.

LiveLife

Thanks for sharing Bexlan because this is very encouraging. May you continue to grow stronger physically, mentally and spiritually.

 

PG

AMEN PG.How are you doing?

I am still holding on and trying to pamper myself. Going through sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea at the moment. I pray I do not have it.

PG

I read it on a recovery group many months back.It was so encouraging to me.

I posted it on my blog during my 3rd month off.

Awesome.  j

Thanks for sharing Bexlan because this is very encouraging. May you continue to grow stronger physically, mentally and spiritually.

 

PG

AMEN PG.How are you doing?

 

I am still holding on and trying to pamper myself. Going through sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea at the moment. I pray I do not have it.

 

PG

Praying for you.