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Can't Sleep - PAWS after short use of Xanax


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In January this year, 2021, I moved back to AZ after living in CO for a year. When I moved back to AZ I stayed with a friend who had marital issues which caused me to lose sleep.  Her sister gave me Xanax which helped, and then my mom gave me more which were a higher dose.  I didn't understand the dangers.  I only took them under a month, but I became dependent which I didn't know until it was too late.  I started to experience panic after the Xanax wore off in the morning and I didn't understand why.  I was full of panic and my mind was racing and I felt like the world was crashing down. I stopped CT which I now know is the worse thing I could do.  I took myself to a motel and detoxed and had all the worst symptoms besides seizures.  I was bumping into walls, vomiting, diarrhea, sweating, chills, insomnia, panic, paranoia etc.  Coffee and cigarettes intensified my panic and I felt like my nervous system was a live wire.  I'm already an extremely sensitive person with what I put in my body, and I had no idea this would make my nervous system even more sensitive.  During the first month after CT I stopped coffee and smoking. I couldn't handle any stimulants at all. This was between February and March that I took the Xanax.

 

I couldn't sleep after going CT, so my doc RX'd me Trazodone which seemed to help at first.  I used to take this drug along with Celexa, but took myself off a few years back with the help of trauma therapy.  I didn't like the "hung over" feeling of Trazodone so I tapered down, and then my sleep got worse.  I was also experiencing strange symptoms on Traz such as anxiety, heart palpitations and slowed breathing where I feel like I would stop while resting/trying to sleep.  I told my doc about the hungover feeling and the anxiety so she put me on Celexa which I had a horrible reaction to even though I took it before.  I was getting extreme panic, mood swings, sick to my stomach, etc.  She had me stop that.  She is not informed about Xanax PAWS even though I told her I was taking them prior and stopped.  She then referred me to a sleep clinic and that doc put me on Gabapentin, which after 6 days I had horrible depression and felt drunk when I woke up. I stopped that as well.  I was also referred to a sleep therapist for CBTI - insomnia behavioral therapy, and that doc said I could drink coffee even though I told him about my Xanax and medication situation.  I now know coffee and any stimulant makes me worse.  I still smoke cigarettes, but I limit to maybe 5 or so a day as I know it makes my symptoms worse as well, however the urge is strong to smoke.

 

I've tried tons of supplements, amino acids, teas, etc.  I can't tell if anything really worked as I've combined so many things it's hard to distinguish what I took when and what may have helped or what made me worse.

 

Fast forward to today - I have been on short term disability since 4/14 through my job, but I have to go back on 6/24 as I live alone, have no family to support me, and just bought a new house.  I have zero support system financially and no one I know understands what I'm going through. So, I must go back to work.

 

I cannot sleep but a few hours a night. I fall asleep okay typically, but wake up after a few hours (1-3) and can't go back to sleep and toss and turn.  Also, I have pins and needles feeling in my lower legs to my feet 24/7.  I know I wasn't on the Xanax long, but like I said I'm super sensitive and became dependent and I think the other meds that were RX'd made me worse off.  I feel like my nervous system is damaged as I have poor memory and can't think super clearly.  This is a huge problem with the work I do as I work in IT as an advisor and must constantly learn new IT processes to advise on how they should be tested.  I don't know what my future will look like.  I feel like if I could get some decent sleep I may be okay to handle it, but I can't seem to sleep more than a few hours.  I already had issues with sleep before this for most of my life, and now it's the worst it's ever been.

 

Sorry for being all over the place, but that's where my brain is at right now.

 

Thank you for listening!

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Hello Daisysmom, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

My goodness your story sounds familiar, I quit cold turkey too but I was on it for a bit longer than you were.  The drug doesn't seem to care though, it traps us quickly and doesn't let go until we allow enough time for our body to repair itself from the damage the drug inflicts.

 

I've seen short time users recover faster than long term but its not a guarantee, as with everything related to this there is so much we don't know that is out of our control.

 

My suggestion would be to quit throwing more medications at the problem and work more on distraction, calming your self with proven methods like meditation and avoiding stress if you can.  I realize you'll be going back to work soon but that can be a good thing.  I had to work as well and while it was awful, it kept me from concentrating on how awful I felt every minute of every day.

 

I know you're overwhelmed right now but taking the parts of your life that feel out of control and dividing them up into manageable segments might help you face them a little easier. 

 

Lack of sleep is really common, I've found that this list holds a lot of good information to help us accept this a little better.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=235100.0

 

Keep talking to us, lets find a way to help you survive this.

 

 

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Thank you! I am working on acceptance right now as I'm learning there is no quick fix to get over this. 

 

I've become accustomed to the lack of sleep, although it is miserable.  I'm just worried about what my future holds and hope I am able to use my brain to work again as my cognition is not good right now and my job relies on me being able to use my brain at a high level.  I'm growing my spirituality and pray each morning, which helps.  The doubts and fears about my future and how I can support myself is my biggest concern as I am on my own and don't know what I'd do without my job.  I also help support my mother as she is on state assistance and relies on me for her phone bill and car insurance.  I feel a lot of pressure.

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This process is all about fear, it takes away our confidence and makes us believe all is lost, we even have a thread that members started to talk about this.  Benzo Lies that have been busted.  Don't believe the lies, your cognitive abilities right now are compromised but this isn't a permanent condition, you can recover.

 

Acceptance is a good thing, we got the quick fix with the pill and now its time to pay for it and as you've surmised, this won't be a quick fix.  I know you feel pressure but keep doing what you're doing, finding ways to calm yourself is the right way to approach this because stress will make our symptoms worse.  I can tell you're going to be fine, you're going to get through this and be stronger than before because of it.

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Hi Daisysmom

 

I just want to say I understand the fear of returning to work and keeping your job. I've been at this for more than four months, so you have all my empathy. There are some things that I've learned during this period that made it easier for me. I'm not there yet, but it's getting better (and I still have my job! Yay!).

 

The first thing is that fear, stress and anxiety make the wd symptoms worse. It really helps if you take the stress off yourself by not constantly fixating on thoughts like "how am I going to do this, what if I lose my job, I can't afford to lose my job" etc. If you find your mind going there, then STOP. You are ramping up your symptoms. It will really help if you can find some meditation or relaxation techniques to calm yourself down (these will also help if you're tossing and turning when you can't sleep). It really helped me to stay positive and FAKE IT, no matter how terrible I feel.

 

I just tell myself that I'm good at what I'm doing, I'm feeling great (not really, but who cares), I can do this, I'm not scared etc. The first day going to back to work after a break, I was crying on my way to work but I just kept telling myself these things over and over. And it really helped. Then I told myself while faking it, I need to act like my old self. So every day when I go to work, I really feel fake, because people will ask how I am doing and I will be chirpy, smile and tell them I'm great, while feeling sick and deep inside I'm constantly scared that someone is going to figure this out and realise I'm actually doing a really bad job. Sometimes I make mistakes for instance I'll be in a meeting and I'll struggle to find words and put sentences together. Then I'll just say I'm sorry but today I have a really bad headache. This has happened twice in four months and everybody was very understanding and supportive. It helps to not always expect the worse, but give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

Also, when you get to work, just focus on your job, don't focus on how bad you feel. If you start thinking about headaches, cog fog etc. just tell yourself I'm doing great and tackle your work. There's amazing power in positive thinking and how your brain responds to it.

 

After four months I've realized that my perception of what I'm doing and how others are experiencing my performance at work are worlds apart.  Because we feel so impaired and sick on the inside we cannot comprehend that it's not visible on the outside. Just go out there and fake it and you'll be absolutely fine. Many of us have done it and so can you!

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Thank you jelly baby! I cut out caffeine and stopped all supplements and that seems to have helped a lot. I'm now getting about 5 hours sleep and do not feel that panic and doom anxiety. I still have the tingling pins/needles in my lower legs and feet, but it's manageable. I now have extreme fatigue during the day though.  I've had to lay down and rest and take short naps to deal with this as my energy level is extremely low.  I'm in bed typing this now.  I am a week out of stopping the caffeine, so I wonder if that may have something to do with it? Or I wonder if it's adrenal fatigue? It takes a lot to just take a shower or feed myself I'm so exhausted.  Is this normal?
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Hi I hear you. I’m tired all day long, I could literally sleep 15 hours a day and everytime I try to do something like a shower then I need to nap. Usually people have insomnia, for me it’s the opposite: I’m lethargic. I feel also very dizzy, confused and like on a boat. It’s been like this for the last 18 days and things haven’t improved. Do you have these symptoms too?
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No, I was having horrible insomnia sometimes not sleeping at all.  Now I'm getting about 5 hours after cutting coffee/caffeine and all supplements.  I can't sleep longer than 5 hours currently.  I wake up once or twice in the middle of the night and then finally awakening at around 4am.  I lay in bed until 5 or 6 and have been exhausted through the day.  I lay down and nap for a little bit, but not for long and I'm still exhausted all day long. 

 

I do feel dizzy though.  It's tough because I live alone and I have take care of all household chores myself, and take care of my dogs too.  It's been really tough as I don't have family to help me and I live an hour away from the few friends I do have.

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Hi Daisy,

 

I am sorry you are dealing with WD and money concerns at the same time. I have brutal insomnia where I good night for me is 4 hours so I understand the insomnia. I lay down during the day too, from tiredness, but I am not able to sleep. I rest with my eyes closed and it helps a little bit just to relax. I echo what others say. While it's difficult to control your thoughts, it does no good to ruminate on your troubles. Maybe try deep breathing/meditation where you attempt to focus on the fact that "all is well" and you will be fine no matter what happens. You will figure it out. Good for you for cutting your smoking down to 5/day. That's excellent. Maybe further along in your recovery, when you're stronger, you can quit. Keep us posted on your recovery. I am happy that you're getting the 5 hours that you're getting. Good for you :)

 

Take Care

 

HM

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Thank you HeartMost! I'm doing much better on ruminating/intrusive thoughts in the past 4 days.  I think just being able to sleep 5 hours helps a lot, for me anyhow.  Now it's mostly extreme fatigue in the day, some dizzyness, and it's hard to concentrate/memory issues.  I just posted a new topic asking about nicotine and how it affects the nervous system and if it could be hindering me from healing faster.  I know it's not good for my health overall of course, but curious how it affects the brain in post withdrawal. 

 

I appreciate the support!

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Daisy I basically have your same symptoms, I can’t concentrate at all and I’m always dizzy, at this point I’m not even able to go to work. Let’s hope we will get better soon
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