Cut and Hold… and when to jump off?

Hey Guys,

As I get lower on my Valium taper I am looking forward and backwards for answers. I am currently on

1mg of Valium and ( 150 XR of bupropion ). I’m working on the Valium taper with an NP who actually knows her stuff and is confident I can do this, and we will go slow. She knows my story of being poly-drugged and concurred with what happened. Folks, I don’t know how I am here to tell the tale. I have been on EVERYTHING at onetime or another, not knowing the main culprit was Benzos and being yanked on and off things by different Doctors.

Somehow, by shear will and grace I got off of Quetiapine and Divalproex as I was c/o from Ativan to Valium. I held for 9 months at 7.5 mg of Valium. Over 318 days I got to where I am at 1mg of Valium.

All the cuts have been hard. All the holds as well.

I am currently experiencing a tough go, but it has ALL been tough.

For awhile I was considering a liquid compound to finish withdrawal, but my new NP ( and frankly the best I have worked with so far ) has me at 1 mg and is monitoring me on this. I spent 72 days on 2 mg.

and am now on day 39 of 1 mg.

Well, anyway Ashton says, you don’t get better till you are off the medication, but I am just suffering the holds. But I don’t know if I will ever feel stable on any dose. Thoughts?

HopeFull01

Hello HopeFull01!

Congratulations on all your tapering progress. I'm sorry to hear how difficult and confusing it's been. I am celebrating that you've made it through such a trial and that you now have competent medical support.

I'd be interested to know exactly where Dr. Ashton says something about not getting better until off the medication; in my tapering experience I've had positive, healing experiences throughout the journey, and I believe that stabilization is just one sign of the healing process that happen throughout tapering. If we weren't healing, I don't think we could tolerate lower doses.

You've been so patient with your holds. I hear that you are giving your body EVERY chance to adjust to each reduction, and I suspect that the reductions are still so difficult because of factors other than the medication. It may be psychological stresses, nutritional stresses, environmental stresses; I can't say from your post, and we may never know. But the important thing, in my mind, is that you're listening to your body and taking as much time as you need to recover.

Have you been doing psychotherapy or practicing other mental stress coping skills?

Have you considered your diet, and your gut health?

Have you had the opportunity to explore gentle exercise and nature exposure?

Just some ideas that come to mind; for me, tapering off the medicine is just one part of an overall health adjustment which I'm finding is required to stabilize with each reduction in medicine.

I know you'll find your way through this! You've demonstrated incredible perseverance. 

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I wish I could find that quote from professor Ashton… it was in a section about taking your last dose. When I find it I will put it here.

I leave no stone unturned. I was a personal trainer years ago… through this process I have worked out throughout. It has been a conundrum because where I have built strength ( I can do many pull-ups, dumbbell press with 30 lbs… leg work with weights, daily walks, dexterity work, etc. ) I have balance issues, dizziness, numbness in hands and blood pooling at my feet…

I do breath work, some meditation. I have gained 10 pounds of muscle since last year and take in a lot of protein. I try and eat as best as I can, but try not to get to picky on any specific DIET protocol.

I have been getting better and can only go with that.

Last year I got an MRI because my symptoms were so confounding, of course the MRI looked fine.

I have a new therapist which I see in a few weeks.

My living situation can be tough, but it is the best place for me as my last therapist suggested.

I am so much better now than when I was on all that stuff. I just have to put in the work and see what time brings.

Wish you the best in your journey,

HopeFull01

Wow; sounds like you take your exercise seriously and have kept up with it despite everything. I remember reading that cario specifically helps boost BDNF, the "brain fertilizer". I usually manage a daily 1 mile walk myself, and I had to work up to that after last year's brain-dive.

I'm glad to hear you have a therapist you're meeting; good therapy has been a new discovery in my life of late. Being a good therapy patient, namely a self-advocate with goals and willing to do emotional work between sessions, also is new in my life since the last few months.

There are lots of theories and opinions around here about what stable means, and if a definition of stable is ever achievable. It can get too philosophical for me. In the end I just want to keep living and functioning and learning.

I realize it can be discouraging at times, this slow journey to freedom. I think you're doing awesome! I hope you continue to see improvements!

I can tell you are smart and love learning.

BDNF was thought to only get occur with cardio… in recent studies it is found in both ( weight resistance training ). We are both counting on the Neuroplasticty.

There is an App called BrainHQ delvelped by a leader in that field that has really helped my processing speed. ( it’s not expensive either ). I read about it in the book The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman

Doidge, MD. The Dr. name is Michael Merzenich… who created BrainHQ.

I wish you the Best!

HopeFull01

BDNF was thought to only get occur with cardio… in recent studies it is found in both ( weight resistance training ). We are both counting on the Neuroplasticty.

There is an App called BrainHQ delvelped by a leader in that field that has really helped my processing speed. ( it’s not expensive either ). I read about it in the book The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, MD. The Dr. name is Michael Merzenich… who created BrainHQ.

Thank you for sharing this new research about BDNF. Now I can get my buff on!

I'm already quite a mental maniac at this point; I love puzzle games, and use a variety of creative tools like writing, drawing and storytelling to keep myself engaged. BB has proved to be a very interesting and rewarding way to exercise my mental capacities and hopefully do some good for other people, not to mention receiving such incredible support here on my own tapering journey.

Thanks for the suggestions! May the neuroplasticity be with you.