question: If my house was on fire, I'd care but I'd probably still sit there....

Hello,

 

Its a beautiful day in Nova Scotia. I have resources, a few friends I could call on, places I could go, I bought a new motorcycle last year.

 

BUT, I do nothing all weekend. I sit and stare.. or I watch You Tube or sleep....mild depression BUT the shame of wasting away is unbearable. A few years ago I was athletic and active. I'm getting fat - even though I hardly eat. I'm tired all the time. I am embarrassed. I wonder if I am lazy or depressed just because....

 

How common is lack of motivation and low energy? I care, I want to do something, I don't want to waste way, but the spark, the will, everything just feels complicated and too much....it's not an outright anxiety per se but going outside just seems too complicated, too risky. If I force myself out, I'm going through the motions and its too much effort with no real incentive. Life has passed me by...

 

So many of you have such a hard story - such a brutal experience. I'm blessed. I'm down to 2.5 mgs and this lack of motivation has only been occurring for a few months. I'm sorry for your pain..

 

ZERO motivation......haunting....can you relate?

I can relate but, kind of from the opposite end at times. I have been suffering being on medication for

6 years…. Tapering for 2 and a half. Brutal. All through my taper I have had numbness, dizziness and red pooling blood at my feet. I have to hold a onto the wall or lean on something to stand.

All the while I have worked out with weights and took walks along with dexterity stuff. If I wouldn’t have done that I feel I might not be able to walk at all.

I got down to 133 pounds at 6 feet tall… that scared me to death. At least now as all the symptoms persist, I am a lean 143 pounds. A protein supplement has helped a lot.

I am currently at 1 mg of Valium, but it is not letting up much.

Your symptoms are from Valium. Keep fighting in your own way. Keep looking for what works for you.

I have been mostly homebound, so I can relate.  Good Luck!

Hello,

 

Its a beautiful day in Nova Scotia. I have resources, a few friends I could call on, places I could go, I bought a new motorcycle last year.

 

BUT, I do nothing all weekend. I sit and stare.. or I watch You Tube or sleep....mild depression BUT the shame of wasting away is unbearable. A few years ago I was athletic and active. I'm getting fat - even though I hardly eat. I'm tired all the time. I am embarrassed. I wonder if I am lazy or depressed just because....

 

How common is lack of motivation and low energy? I care, I want to do something, I don't want to waste way, but the spark, the will, everything just feels complicated and too much....it's not an outright anxiety per se but going outside just seems too complicated, too risky. If I force myself out, I'm going through the motions and its too much effort with no real incentive. Life has passed me by...

 

So many of you have such a hard story - such a brutal experience. I'm blessed. I'm down to 2.5 mgs and this lack of motivation has only been occurring for a few months. I'm sorry for your pain..

 

ZERO motivation......haunting....can you relate?

I think what you've described is just a matter of habit. Anyone can fall into that habit, but benzo withdrawal can be the start of it because the anxiety, the insomnia, and the other symptoms are so exhausting that you tend to become less active. Inactivity makes you sluggish and depressed, which makes you even less active, which makes you even more sluggish and depressed, etc. Your resting metabolism slows, you gain weight, you feel even more tired, you get even less active, etc. It's a downward spiral. So what you have to do is reverse the spiral, pull out of the tailspin, break the habit. Start slow: No matter what, you're going to do 5 pushups today, and then you'll get showered, get shaved, get dressed, and get out. Increase your activity a bit every day. The more you do, the more you'll feel like doing. You'll begin to spiral up instead of down. Your resting metabolism will increase, you'll have more and more energy, it'll be easier to do things, you'll do more, your metabolism will increase even more, you have even more energy, etc. You'll spiral back up to where you'll feel human again. That's been my experience, at least, but I think it has wide application. Laziness, if we can call it that, is just a bad habit, and we can break it.

Hello,

 

Its a beautiful day in Nova Scotia. I have resources, a few friends I could call on, places I could go, I bought a new motorcycle last year.

 

BUT, I do nothing all weekend. I sit and stare.. or I watch You Tube or sleep....mild depression BUT the shame of wasting away is unbearable. A few years ago I was athletic and active. I'm getting fat - even though I hardly eat. I'm tired all the time. I am embarrassed. I wonder if I am lazy or depressed just because....

 

How common is lack of motivation and low energy? I care, I want to do something, I don't want to waste way, but the spark, the will, everything just feels complicated and too much....it's not an outright anxiety per se but going outside just seems too complicated, too risky. If I force myself out, I'm going through the motions and its too much effort with no real incentive. Life has passed me by...

 

So many of you have such a hard story - such a brutal experience. I'm blessed. I'm down to 2.5 mgs and this lack of motivation has only been occurring for a few months. I'm sorry for your pain..

 

ZERO motivation......haunting....can you relate?

 

YES, I more than relate.  I sat here and stared at your words for about 5 mins before I could relate and reply.  Everything you mentioned rings true, at least here. 

Thank you all so much. Normalizing and validating and motivating. I'm going for a walk this evening. I still work full-time and stay busy all week as it's necessary....but the enjoying parts of life are dreadful now like weekends....so I'm going to keep pushing push back a little and do a few push-ups too. Again so appreciated!!

I grew to dread weekends too because I didn't have the distraction of work, talk about turning your life upside down, who hates weekends? 

 

I love what redevan suggested, I found that keeping busy, pushing against the depression and hopelessness with activity helped keep me from focusing on my symptoms. 

 

Whatever you see that feels too much to tackle, break it up into bite size chunks, eat that elephant one bite at a time, that's what I did.  Keep forcing yourself out, keep your life in tact so you can step back into it when you recover.

Thank you all so much. Normalizing and validating and motivating. I'm going for a walk this evening. I still work full-time and stay busy all week as it's necessary....but the enjoying parts of life are dreadful now like weekends....so I'm going to keep pushing push back a little and do a few push-ups too. Again so appreciated!!

 

You sound like my taper-twin, Dan. I also worked full-time, all through my withdrawal and recovery, and I hated weekends too, and holidays, and vacations, and all free time, because I was too damned sluggish to do much more than veg out in front of the computer and wallow in my symptoms. Sleeping longer, when I could, didn't seem to help very much. So I just had to keep pushing myself, and like pamster said, I had to break things up into bite-size chunks so I could at least get started with whatever big scary task I was putting off. And then once I got started, I'd get into it, and the sap would rise, and I'd get it done.

 

You the man, Dan. You'll get this done. 

Thank you RedEvan and Pam and other... weekends lol

 

Yes, weekends are scary now. The down time combined with the sluggishness leaves me feeling so guilty and disconnected from joy, people etc. weekends!!! who would have thought!

 

But RedEvan I needed a push and I am pushing now. It helps. It also helps when I make small consisten cuts. I am all or nothing so I cut big: I went from 3mgs to 2.5 mgs all at once and then held for the last six weeks. Its a reckless approach based on a perception distortion. I'll cut a .1 every two weeks from now on. why suffer all at once when it can be spread out in the same amount of time... probably because I want to get better all at once so I cut too much.....

 

I'm learning...thank you

I've always had difficulty with moderation and patience, and all or nothing has unfortunately been my motto for too much of my life.  I have so much respect for anyone who can taper, it sounds like you need to quit hurting yourself. 

 

I'm glad you figured out a better approach and glad you appreciated redevans push.