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Celebrating 6 months with marked improvement


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Today is the day I complete 6 months after walking off ativan.  Month 6 was far better than any other month I have had.  There were waves, moderate in nature, half the month.  You can see them in the chart below called ‘bad’ and ‘ok’ days. Two days were near debilitating (ie the bad days).  Then there were 15 days where I was about 80% good.  Every day brings symptoms so I am not healed yet.  Even during the good days there are hours of waves.  This was a record and reason to celebrate!

 

I have a ton of data that I have been collecting for those who may need encouragement.  it does get better!

 

I can see a lot of patterns in the waves.  I have surges every morning anytime between 2am and 11am, even on the window days.  These cause the insomnia which then causes more anxiety all day on the wave days.  Also I notice if I change up an allergy med (going on or coming off) that causes a wave too.  If these morning surges ever go away I think I can consider myself healed.  It is so up and down though.  Hoping that happens in the next 4-6 months!

 

Last month I would not have been able to go into the office for work or get on a plane.  A few months before that I could barely work nor leave the house.  Today I am pretty sure I could go into work, at least for a few hours.  I am hoping in a month or so I will feel like I can travel again.

 

Anyway.  I am happy with my progress.  Hugs and I wish rapid healing to all of you!

 

Quick History

Xanax as needed for three months in 2015. Stopped no issues

Ativan about 1x a mth from 2017 to 2020.

Xanax daily for several weeks in Sept/Oct 2020

Several ER visits in Oct due to tolerance, interdose withdrawal, and attempted CT.

Two month taper Ativan. Walked off on 12/08/2020

 

Post Taper Monthly Progress

M1 Dec 2020:  11 bad days; 14 ok days; 5 good days

M2 Jan 2021: 12 bad days; 11 ok days; 7 good days

M3 Feb 2021:  8 bad days; 11 ok days; 11 good days

M4 Mar 2021: 14 bad days; 14 ok days; 2 good days

M5 Apr 2021:  8 bad days; 16 ok days; 6 good days

M6 May 2021: 2 bad days; 13 ok days; 15 good days

 

Current Symptoms:

I’ve kept track of my symptoms.  Here is how things are going so far at 6 months.  Scale 1=good; 10=bad.  So a 1/10 is really good and a 9/10 is really bad.

  • Insomnia - lots of surges 2am to 11am causing this 9/10
  • Severe anxiety - better 5/10
  • Cortisol surges in morning causing severe anxiety - still have surges but anxiety part of it better 8/10
  • Every meal causes severe anxiety - better 3/10
  • Nightmares - much better 1/10
  • Overbreathing - better 3/10
  • Feeling of shortness of breath - better 5/10
  • Air hunger - better 7/10
  • Toxic naps with breathing problems - better 7/10
  • Brain fog - better 5/10
  • ADHD off the charts! - still no change here but it is preexisting 10/10
  • Heat coming off skin - mostly done M6 1/10
  • Pacing for hours when anxiety gets bad - done-M6 0/10
  • Depression - done-M6 0/10
  • Feelings of dread; impending doom - done-M6 0/10
  • Short term memory loss - done-M6 0/10

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JBen021

 

Well this is such an achievement! Be proud and believe in yourself!

I remember those early days and nobody could of convinced me that everything would be alright, especially at the six months mark. It definitely becomes easier as time passes, remember to except the bumps in the journey as it is non linear and can have you believe you are regressing, press on through the tough patches and you will succeed.

 

Good luck to you! Banana Man 🦸‍♂️

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I love your progress JBen, you've come such a long way and thank you for keeping such a detailed log, this will give hope to others. 

 

I see hope in your words, you're daring to believe in a bright future and you should because it's waiting for you.  :smitten:

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JBen, you are doing so well my fellow Shorty!  I am very happy for you and hope that this trend continues. 

 

Keep the good vibes coming.  :smitten:

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[94...]
Very nice! I think you are better at 6 months than I am at 8 months! Maybe we will heal at the same time  :smitten:
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JBen, you are doing so well my fellow Shorty!  I am very happy for you and hope that this trend continues. 

 

Keep the good vibes coming.  :smitten:

 

And then we will celebrate like no one has! 

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JBen, you are doing so well my fellow Shorty!  I am very happy for you and hope that this trend continues. 

 

Keep the good vibes coming.  :smitten:

 

Thank you sunshine.  Lets get this done!

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I love your progress JBen, you've come such a long way and thank you for keeping such a detailed log, this will give hope to others. 

 

I see hope in your words, you're daring to believe in a bright future and you should because it's waiting for you.  :smitten:

 

Hey Pam.  I have tried to stay positive throughout this journey.  It has not been easy.  My future is waiting and I am planning.  Back to work, back to school, back to volunteering, back to a social life.  It will be so great!

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Well fluffer . . .

 

The waves continue.  The insomnia and surges for 8 hours a day are still very real.  Healing is VERY slow.  My mood is very good though and it feels more like this is a body thing and not a mind thing if that makes sense.  I dont seem to have any mental symptoms like depression or feelings of dread etc.  That has all gone away.  I say this and in about an hour I will be proven a liar, lol.  This whole thing is so unpredictable as you know!

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[94...]
That sounds overall very positive! I have a fear of depression and anhedonia such that I’m always asking myself - do I have it? You know, I’m not even sure! I do feel blunted but I suspect the brain is just protecting itself. Things are calming for me, but it’s like a calm moment in a scary movie. Is a jump scare coming for me? Then I remember that’s common in success stories. People wait and see and then nothing bad happens and they are healed! So - let’s hope for that!
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  • 2 weeks later...
Sounds like you are really improving. That was encouraging to me right now. I am 5 days off. It is a struggle for sure. Thanks for sharing!!
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JBen you're doing good. I know it doesn't feel like it when the waves hit. Some sound advice....remember the windows the feel decent moments. It's a good sign when you have those. They mean the brain at least knows how to get it right. Keep pressing forward. You should be proud because you did your brain a favor. Distract distract distract when in waves. Keep your eye on your 1 year milestone. That's what I did and here I am 1 year! I'm not feeling my best but far better than even 6 months ago when I look at the overall state I was in. Hugs and congrats
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