Topic: How do I deal with social anxiety when dating?

Hey there. I’m 29 year old female and I never had a serious relationship. I’ve always wanted one and people have often asked me why I don’t have one yet. All through high school boys have made fun of me for liking them, and since then I’ve been terrified of dating, or meeting a cute guy or talking to them. I’ve tried tinder and that didn’t go well at all because whenever they did show interest I would just say no or would get too scared to say yes and make up an excuse because I’ve never been on a date before. I’ve even had guys on there asking inappropriate things which didn’t help either. I’m not sure if this is classed as social anxiety, but I do know that I get so nervous even just by texting a guy and trying to get to know him. The thought of dating makes my heart race and I get nervous even when I’m not talking to anyone or I worry about what I would say to my parents or family about meeting someone new. I want to get over this,so I can meet someone. It would be helpful if someone could give advice on how to cope with social anxiety when dating?

 

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Hi Amanda, I’m a 29 y/o guy, I have the same issue, though I had serious relationships when I was younger but seem to have regressed into having no confidence talking to girls over the past 5-6 years - compounded by benzo w/d symptoms :/

I find I’m very particular about who I’ll talk to on dating apps, just from a dating profile I’ll go through 100 different scenarios imagining dating situations and manage to convince myself that I wouldn’t have the confidence to talk to them irl.

I think I’m developing an idgaf attitude from the horrors I’ve been through mentally with benzo w/d and I’m starting to just go for it and putting way more effort into talking to people I wouldn’t usually think I’d be confident talking to, using a variety of dating apps has helped too.

Sorry that I don’t have good advice but I hope knowing others are in similar situations helps a little : )

I have two very good tips that worked great for me in the past.

 

1- Socialize with many people before the date. Not just the same day, but for a while.

 

2- Date more people that are less important for you (that you don't care much about) before the date you really like. It doesn't have to go anywhere, it's just for 'practice'. Or see it like a 'warm up' or 'training'.

 

 

Anyway, I prefer not to date while on withdrawals. It's a chemical imbalance caused by a drug that makes you to not be yourself, so I don't think it's the right moment to date. I prefer to wait until healed so I give the most of myself.

Did you talk to a professional psychiatrist about your problems? I know it is a very corny advice, but it worked for me ver well. I also wouldn't go for tinder probably, but start with the nerds dating site, the guys there are mostly shy and don't ask to many uncomfortable questions. You can also try to go on the double date first and take your very good friend with. In the moments you don't feel good you can just give her a sign so she can "rescue" you. 

i wrote you a dm....  my best advice  would be to get a good looking guy friend that is long distance so there is no pressure on meeting them in person  this way you can start small with  the anxiety of even talking to a guy... and build it up from there  ya know ?  dm me i can help you if you want