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16 Months Since Cold Turkey Today


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16 months since cold turkey today. Brutal. Barbaric where my body & mind we’re not in the least bit friendly.  This lady 6 weeks have been brutal. I wish I had better news.  I’m glad others have healed & are more healed at this time frame.  For me it’s become really hard at times to be on this site & see others who had longer use age at higher doses heal & healing in a much shorter time frame.  I’m not wishing this torment on anyone & least of all those that have healed & are healing - it’s just hard as I want to be over this so so badly.  I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be normal, to feel normal & live a normal life. I e pretty much lost all hope that I will ever heal.  This is the hardest battle & tight now it’s just crushing depression that I can’t lift myself out of at all.  It’s winter here. I have the heater on. I have hot almond milk & the heater on,  I’m in bed watching the west wing. My jobs today are getting the mountain of dishes done (finally) & admin for work.  I want to run away, back in time & to never have followed a doctors advice to take a benzo,  it’s interesting that other drugs are illegal & carry jail time, like heroin, but here we all are. Having been on legal psych meds & in the complete depths of hell trying to recover from them,  these drugs should be illegal.  I know deep down I will get better - it’s just hard to believe right now.
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I'm so sorry Bess, I wish things were better for you.  I was reading your signature and you were on benzo's for such a short time comparatively speaking, its cruel you're still suffering this much.

 

I wish it were spring where you are and you were blooming with new life like nature, instead you're locked inside wondering if and when it will be your turn.  I wish I knew when that will be, it would be so much easier to endure if we had an end date to this prison sentence.  :therethere:

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I'm so sorry Bess, I wish things were better for you.  I was reading your signature and you were on benzo's for such a short time comparatively speaking, its cruel you're still suffering this much.

 

I wish it were spring where you are and you were blooming with new life like nature, instead you're locked inside wondering if and when it will be your turn.  I wish I knew when that will be, it would be so much easier to endure if we had an end date to this prison sentence.  :therethere:

 

Thanks so much Pamster.  Thus is brutal.  I wish I had never touched a benzo. Funny thing is I always had a bad gut feeling about psych drugs.  I’m wondering if my longer than usual withdrawal is because I cold Turkeyed off attivan (sort term use of only 2 weeks) previously in 2016. That time I only got flu like symptoms for 10 days. I’m also wondering if it’s partly due to all the surgeries I’ve had - over 40+ where Benzo’s would’ve been used as a sedative.  I’m really hoping I will heal & this will be over soon. I’m petrified though as my symptoms, patterns & length of withdrawal is following those of much longer term users at much higher doses & those who were on other psych meds also.  I did use oregano oil during the first 3 months of tolerance/withdrawal before I knew it was BWD & oregano oil was bad for WD. I also was on an anti viral, Tamiflu as they thought it was a virus, during this time symptoms ramped up hugely so I’m wondering if the stuff I took when I thought it was a virus has all accumulated to add time on to this healing. I’m not sure if that’s how it works.  Anyways I’m praying (I’m not religious but have become accustomed to being on my knees pleading during BWD) that this is over soon & I don’t get into the uncharted waters of Protracted withdrawal. I am losing hope & the pretty much constant waves of BAD have become so normal to me that when I do get a window it feels so weird & almost dangerous because I’m frightened of what is ahead in the next wave.  I placate myself saying that if this is happening to me perhaps it saves someone else going through this never ending hell.  Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot & I really appreciate it:

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Ditto to everything u just said x I’m so sorry Bess x

 

Please don’t be sorry lovely.  I’m sorry you are suffering - I wish you didn’t know anything about how this all feels.  You deserve wayyyyyy better.  Better days are ahead for you lovely - I just know it. Xxx

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Hi Bess

 

Just wanted to drop a line saying that I can see your resilience in your writing. I wish you full healing and I know to Weill happen it just won’t be on our timeline.

 

:smitten:

 

Kb

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I don't know this for a fact Bess but I don't think your situation was caused by oregano oil, or Tamiflu but I do wonder about all of your surgeries, they're so incredibly hard on our bodies.  Just when you needed all of your resources to deal with your benzo recovery, your body has been stretched very thin.  But as I said, I don't know this but I feel like it makes sense.

 

I wonder too about your experience in 2016, we all know that anecdotally repeated starts and stops can pile up on us.  But wondering about all of this doesn't do us any good because this is where you are and there isn't anything to be done about it.  That's the problem, we're so helpless.

 

16 months is a lifetime while going through this but please don't expect to be protracted just yet, you're still under the 2 year mark.  You mentioned deep down you know you'll get better, I hope you'll hang on to that little spark of hope.

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Hi Bess

 

Just wanted to drop a line saying that I can see your resilience in your writing. I wish you full healing and I know to Weill happen it just won’t be on our timeline.

 

:smitten:

 

Kb

 

Thanks so much. I really appreciate your kind words & encouragement.  This is hell that’s for sure.  I hope you are having an ok day & are doing ok.  Was your brain injury before Benzo’s? I hope you heal soon. :))

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Hi Bess, im just over a month off and it's soooo horrible. I cant work or drive. Please be proud of yourself. Your working and pushing through. I know its horrible. Prayers for our continued healing.
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I don't know this for a fact Bess but I don't think your situation was caused by oregano oil, or Tamiflu but I do wonder about all of your surgeries, they're so incredibly hard on our bodies.  Just when you needed all of your resources to deal with your benzo recovery, your body has been stretched very thin.  But as I said, I don't know this but I feel like it makes sense.

 

I wonder too about your experience in 2016, we all know that anecdotally repeated starts and stops can pile up on us.  But wondering about all of this doesn't do us any good because this is where you are and there isn't anything to be done about it.  That's the problem, we're so helpless.

 

16 months is a lifetime while going through this but please don't expect to be protracted just yet, you're still under the 2 year mark.  You mentioned deep down you know you'll get better, I hope you'll hang on to that little spark of hope.

 

Thanks so much Pamster - you’re a gem.  The surgeries were prior to benzo use in 2019. I had one surgery while I was on Benzo’s in 2019 but all the surgeries were prior to my bigger bout of benzo use in 2019/2020.  I want to healed so so bad.  Is protracted withdrawal considered to be after 18momths or after 2 years? I’m questioning if this really could be BWD or if it’s something else instead. I felt wayyyyy better after acute than what I have in the second half of all of this.  I don’t know what else to do. I have a stressful life, stressful business, next to no support & very limited friend circle.  I’m sure this contributes.  On the plus side I have passed a course during BWD - lord knows how but I managed too.  Thank you got your kind words & encouragement- I really appreciate it.

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Hi Bess, im just over a month off and it's soooo horrible. I cant work or drive. Please be proud of yourself. Your working and pushing through. I know its horrible. Prayers for our continued healing.

 

Thank you so much for your kind words & encouragement - I really appreciate it.  You are doing well - I know if doesn’t feel like it but you are doing really well. Just keep going, one breath at a time - it does get better & you will heal & lead a normal life again. There are days where I don’t even feel human.  I have to work as I am single with no family support & I just have to do it.  I don’t have a choice about not working & im amazed at what I have to push through some days.  Hold on tight to hope because you will heal.

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I don't know this for a fact Bess but I don't think your situation was caused by oregano oil, or Tamiflu but I do wonder about all of your surgeries, they're so incredibly hard on our bodies.  Just when you needed all of your resources to deal with your benzo recovery, your body has been stretched very thin.  But as I said, I don't know this but I feel like it makes sense.

 

I wonder too about your experience in 2016, we all know that anecdotally repeated starts and stops can pile up on us.  But wondering about all of this doesn't do us any good because this is where you are and there isn't anything to be done about it.  That's the problem, we're so helpless.

 

16 months is a lifetime while going through this but please don't expect to be protracted just yet, you're still under the 2 year mark.  You mentioned deep down you know you'll get better, I hope you'll hang on to that little spark of hope.

 

Thanks so much Pamster - you’re a gem.  The surgeries were prior to benzo use in 2019. I had one surgery while I was on Benzo’s in 2019 but all the surgeries were prior to my bigger bout of benzo use in 2019/2020.  I want to healed so so bad.  Is protracted withdrawal considered to be after 18momths or after 2 years? I’m questioning if this really could be BWD or if it’s something else instead. I felt wayyyyy better after acute than what I have in the second half of all of this.  I don’t know what else to do. I have a stressful life, stressful business, next to no support & very limited friend circle.  I’m sure this contributes.  On the plus side I have passed a course during BWD - lord knows how but I managed too.  Thank you got your kind words & encouragement- I really appreciate it.

 

Thanks for clarifying about your surgeries, I'm relieved they haven't all happened in the last 16 months.  Now that you mention stress though, I wonder about that too.  Whenever a member talks about a new and terrible wave the first thing I ask them is about their stress levels, in my opinion this is the biggest contributor to increased symptoms.  I don't necessarily believe it delays healing, but I do feel it makes recovery more painful.  It seems like your path is one of extremes from your cold turkey to your stressful life.

 

I can't nail down exactly what we consider protracted, some believe suffering longer than a month or two is protracted, everyone has a different idea.  Here on the forum since we see so many hard cases I feel like we've extended what we consider protracted because so many of our members are the worst of the worst.  I just hate to see you fear this because you have enough on your plate without the stress of this label making you feel worse.

 

Have you had all of the medical testing to rule out any physical issues?  Congratulations on passing that course, this is an amazing accomplishment while in this state!  :thumbsup:

 

 

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I'm not far behind you, and still suffering pretty bad myself. Not had a window and certainly couldn't work, so although you are suffering you should be proud of yourself and know that you are going to make this. It might take a little longer than you hoped, but try not to put a protected label on it.

 

Onwards and upwards

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Bess, I’m so sorry this is taking so long. I hope healing is coming for you very soon. Hugs.

 

Thabks so much.  I’m losing my mind I’m sure of it.  This morning I’ve woken up & this wave is so so bad.  I’m lii ohhhhh sing hope that I will ever heal.  This seems so so unfair. I’m following patterns of people who have been on high doses for much much longer than I was on it for..  I don’t have my colon as I had to have it removed yonks ago (pre Benzo’s), do you think this is why I’m taking so long to heal? Thabks for your help. Xx

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I don't know this for a fact Bess but I don't think your situation was caused by oregano oil, or Tamiflu but I do wonder about all of your surgeries, they're so incredibly hard on our bodies.  Just when you needed all of your resources to deal with your benzo recovery, your body has been stretched very thin.  But as I said, I don't know this but I feel like it makes sense.

 

I wonder too about your experience in 2016, we all know that anecdotally repeated starts and stops can pile up on us.  But wondering about all of this doesn't do us any good because this is where you are and there isn't anything to be done about it.  That's the problem, we're so helpless.

 

16 months is a lifetime while going through this but please don't expect to be protracted just yet, you're still under the 2 year mark.  You mentioned deep down you know you'll get better, I hope you'll hang on to that little spark of hope.

 

Thanks so much Pamster - you’re a gem.  The surgeries were prior to benzo use in 2019. I had one surgery while I was on Benzo’s in 2019 but all the surgeries were prior to my bigger bout of benzo use in 2019/2020.  I want to healed so so bad.  Is protracted withdrawal considered to be after 18momths or after 2 years? I’m questioning if this really could be BWD or if it’s something else instead. I felt wayyyyy better after acute than what I have in the second half of all of this.  I don’t know what else to do. I have a stressful life, stressful business, next to no support & very limited friend circle.  I’m sure this contributes.  On the plus side I have passed a course during BWD - lord knows how but I managed too.  Thank you got your kind words & encouragement- I really appreciate it.

 

Thanks for clarifying about your surgeries, I'm relieved they haven't all happened in the last 16 months.  Now that you mention stress though, I wonder about that too.  Whenever a member talks about a new and terrible wave the first thing I ask them is about their stress levels, in my opinion this is the biggest contributor to increased symptoms.  I don't necessarily believe it delays healing, but I do feel it makes recovery more painful.  It seems like your path is one of extremes from your cold turkey to your stressful life.

 

I can't nail down exactly what we consider protracted, some believe suffering longer than a month or two is protracted, everyone has a different idea.  Here on the forum since we see so many hard cases I feel like we've extended what we consider protracted because so many of our members are the worst of the worst.  I just hate to see you fear this because you have enough on your plate without the stress of this label making you feel worse.

 

Have you had all of the medical testing to rule out any physical issues?  Congratulations on passing that course, this is an amazing accomplishment while in this state!  :thumbsup:

 

Thanks so much fir your help,  which medical tests should I have done? I had blood tests done at the start & they said apart from my body not absorbing iron (I’ve never had that problem before) it was all fine,  I had Lyme blood test at the start of this but that came back negative, Ross river syndrome but that came back negative,  is there any other tests I should have? My GP wants me to go for an MRI so I’ll get that done. 

 

I don’t have very many friends here & my family all live overseas.  It’s not unusual for me to go weeks or months without speaking to someone I don’t get paid by or pay (I run my own business), I’m awfully lonely & I wonder if this contributes to the feelings of hopelessness etc,  I have to figure out a way to deal with the loneliness & isolation ad I’m wondering if this makes WD worse & why it’s taking longer,  I dealt with it better ore BWD & whilst I felt lonely I Didn’t have these symptoms, 

 

Thanks so much for your help.  I really appreciate it,

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I listened to a podcast yesterday with Jennifer Leigh and she wants people to stop saying 18 + is protracted because we are all healing no matter what month it is. I know that’s simplistic but the way she says it was soothing x have a listen x

 

https://www.benzofree.org/podcast/finding-faith-hope-and-acceptance-in-benzo-withdrawal-a-conversation-with-jennifer-leigh-psyd-bfp014/

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I'm not far behind you, and still suffering pretty bad myself. Not had a window and certainly couldn't work, so although you are suffering you should be proud of yourself and know that you are going to make this. It might take a little longer than you hoped, but try not to put a protected label on it.

 

Onwards and upwards

 

Thanks so much for your help - I really appreciate it,  I’m sorry to read you are suffering & that you haven’t had a window. With working I have no choice, I’m single & I do t have any financial support from family - they all live overseas so I have to work as I have no choice,  last year I had 4 months off work which was along to take off as I run my own business.  I literally push myself to the limit. Done says I have no idea how I’ve gotten through the day as I’ve not felt remotely human.  But somehow I do it because I have too.  Thanks so much fot your kind words & encouragement - I really appreciate it,  I hope you’re having an ok day & being kind to yourself.

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I listened to a podcast yesterday with Jennifer Leigh and she wants people to stop saying 18 + is protracted because we are all healing no matter what month it is. I know that’s simplistic but the way she says it was soothing x have a listen x

 

https://www.benzofree.org/podcast/finding-faith-hope-and-acceptance-in-benzo-withdrawal-a-conversation-with-jennifer-leigh-psyd-bfp014/

 

Thanks lovely! I’ll listen now.  This is hugely helpful - thank you so so much.  How are you going? I hope you are doing ok, xxxx

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Bess listen to his other podcasts they are all about different symptoms, but he also talks to some benzo wise drs and christy huff and bay. U can access all on podcast app on ur iPhone if u subscribe x
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Bess listen to his other podcasts they are all about different symptoms, but he also talks to some benzo wise drs and christy huff and bay. U can access all on podcast app on ur iPhone if u subscribe x

 

Thanks so much. I will do. Is the app called benzo wise? I tried to follow the link but it wouldn’t work - I think because I don’t have the app. Thanks so much lovely,  I hope you got some sleep last night ‘ you are doing ok xxx

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Really it didn’t work? I just clicked link and it worked for me? Did u scroll down to where u can play it on that page? This is the website link.

 

Yea it’s benzo free podcast, u can look it up on podcast app on I phone. I’ll text u info x

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Really it didn’t work? I just clicked link and it worked for me? Did u scroll down to where u can play it on that page? This is the website link.

 

Yea it’s benzo free podcast, u can look it up on podcast app on I phone. I’ll text u info x

 

Thanks lovely.  I’m listening to it now.  Xx

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Hi Bess!  :mybuddy:  I'm so sorry you feel so bad. This life is truly hell. But we have each other, and we understand 100%. I'm thinking of you, and I hope you feel better soon.

 

:smitten:

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Hi Bess!  :mybuddy:  I'm so sorry you feel so bad. This life is truly hell. But we have each other, and we understand 100%. I'm thinking of you, and I hope you feel better soon.

 

:smitten:

 

Thanks lovely, I really appreciate your kind words.  You’re a gem - thank you.  I hope you are having a better day & are doing ok. Xx

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