Protracted and Feeling Better Now

Hi BBB. That's got to be the most factual and coherent account of benzo withdrawal I've taken the time to read. It is also educational. Thank you very much.

 

Thanks, I'm glad you found it useful.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed and well thought out post.

 

I too took a very small dose of Klonopin, for many years.....and I got off without much of a problem.  It's only when I started, several years later, to take a tiny dose occasionally, and then more often - perhaps .25 mgs. every week or two weeks - that things got out of hand for me.  I didn't realize I was going thru WD over and over and over again by using it as I did.  Until I took very little Valium and then versed for a surgical procedure.  Man, did the shit hit the fan.

 

Just sharing info that I hope will help others.

 

Thank you again!!

 

 

Yes, all the times I quit cold turkey, which would have been the summer or 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and finally in 2016, I was going through small withdrawals. And even in 2011, I dropped Ambien cold turkey too. I was having minor withdrawal stuff every year, most notably emotional instability, intrusive thoughts, anger. But things really got bad after I was off for two years (2016-2018) and went back on for 3 months. It was a hell scape I couldn't imagine a human could feel on Earth.

I thought it would be a good time to post an update and possibly let others who are healing see this success story.

 

I'm now about 4 and 1/2 years off benzos, about 53 months. I suffered greatly for the first 24 months off the benzos and didn't think I would ever heal. Around 30 months I turned a corner. By 36 months off, I was feeling quite a bit better. I posted this success story last summer in 2021. Since then, even comparing myself to last summer, I feel even better this summer. Last summer, I was still very sensitive to stress and too much stress would throw me into a wave. That doesn't seem to be happening anymore. I am waiting for the day I can drink a beer again and not feel any symptoms. I'm taking that hope very slowly.

 

My wife and I had our second child in March of 2022 and it's gone well so far. I could never have had another child during benzo withdrawal. I could barely take care of myself during withdrawal, let alone my firstborn. I'm playing live music now locally, something I never could have done in withdrawal. I'm starting my fourth year at the job I switched to during acute, and it was a good decision to switch when I did. Things are going good all around.

 

If you are suffering and have been for a long time, I urge you to read my original success story. I was miserable and desperate for so long and truly never believed I would heal. I was on here daily complaining about the worst symptoms this drug could give a person. And things did get better for me. And they will get better for you too!

 

 

Boomboxboy!!

 

What a lovely thing to read.  You are very thoughtful to come back and encourage us.  Huge congratulations to you on your second child, your job, and your success on getting well from the nasty meds.  That's a huge accomplishment and something to cheer about!

 

I'm 14 1/2 months off all meds and starting to feel fairly decent after 14 years being medication sick (so to speak).  Your story will propel me forward even more.

 

Thank you!

 

Helen

Congratulations on the birth of your second child, I'm so happy to hear you're doing well, you've come so far.  Its so thoughtful of you to come back to encourage others, even if they don't believe us when we tell them they'll recover, they still need to hear the words. 

I thought it would be a good time to post an update and possibly let others who are healing see this success story.

 

I'm now about 4 and 1/2 years off benzos, about 53 months. I suffered greatly for the first 24 months off the benzos and didn't think I would ever heal. Around 30 months I turned a corner. By 36 months off, I was feeling quite a bit better. I posted this success story last summer in 2021. Since then, even comparing myself to last summer, I feel even better this summer. Last summer, I was still very sensitive to stress and too much stress would throw me into a wave. That doesn't seem to be happening anymore. I am waiting for the day I can drink a beer again and not feel any symptoms. I'm taking that hope very slowly.

 

My wife and I had our second child in March of 2022 and it's gone well so far. I could never have had another child during benzo withdrawal. I could barely take care of myself during withdrawal, let alone my firstborn. I'm playing live music now locally, something I never could have done in withdrawal. I'm starting my fourth year at the job I switched to during acute, and it was a good decision to switch when I did. Things are going good all around.

 

If you are suffering and have been for a long time, I urge you to read my original success story. I was miserable and desperate for so long and truly never believed I would heal. I was on here daily complaining about the worst symptoms this drug could give a person. And things did get better for me. And they will get better for you too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glad things worked out for you. Did the intrusive thoughts gradually ease, or was it like a lightbulb moment when you realised they had gone. Starting to think I’ll have them permanently. Been bad for about 33 months.

Epic success story man, and really good of you to come back with the updates. I've listened to your music too, really like it - how on earth did you manage to pull that together whilst going through this hell?! Deserves an award for that alone! I'm also musical but complete lack of focus and motivation means that's totally on hold for now; can't wait to get back to making music again...

 

Question for you - when you had windows that returned to waves, do you think that there was always something that caused the setback or do you think it's somewhat random? I've been cycling windows and waves for a month or so, can't quite put my finger on why I've fallen into this wave when I went into a window after doing the same things. Confusing and frustrating huh.

Leann,

I'm sorry you are still suffering. My intrusive thoughts and urges just gradually went away. I'm no longer tormented by any violent thoughts or urges. It was awful from till month 30 then I noticed from months 30-36, things got better to where my thoughts weren't attacking me on a daily basis. It actually continues to get better even up till now. What are the nature of your intrusive thoughts?

Pamster and HelenHMB,

I like to come back and offer some encouragement when I can. I think this success story is the best offering I have to give people. I took a long time to write it and almost any question people have can be answered within it or in one of the updates I've done for it. I just have my story to offer. I know everybody's symptoms and journeys are different, but if someone can find something they relate to in this story, I hope it helps them.

 

The Other Side,

Thank you for giving the music a shot. I basically dragged myself through every day despite being tortured. The akathisia could only be helped by moving so I was always actively doing things. What kind of music do you like and play?

 

Early on, the windows were so few. I would get an okay night where symptoms calmed down right before bed, only to be pulled back in the moment I woke up. I never understood why I would get them like once or twice a month. As time passed, the windows got longer and more frequent, and I did notice that stress definitely could kick up a wave. For instance, too much stress at work or a long trip that I wasn't accustomed to going on. Then I had one when I had a beer. I also have had waves the two times I got covid. More recently, the week after my daughter was born, I felt I was in a wave for a few days. So stress and drinking have triggered them later in the game, but early on, it just seemed to be random.

 

 

Above all singer/songwriters are what I'm into. Music with lyrics at the forefront and live instruments are what I'm drawn to most, hence my interest in your music. Reminded me a bit of Eels more stripped down stuff at times... Good on you for pushing through with recording it. I've been waiting for the clarity/motivation to come back to get back into playing and recording...however given that it could take months and months for that to come back for good I should really just try get into it now, you've inspired me! What's your favourite kind of music?

 

Am quite regularly having good periods in the evening and then a crappy start to the day so I know what you mean there. I'm also seeing just how many things can create stress - had always just associated stress with being overworked or bereavement, now I see that stress can be caused by a WhatsApp message exchange or reading social media. Feels like to avoid windows I would seriously need to wrap myself in cotton wool, and even then that might not be enough.

 

And we welcomed our first kid six months ago, there's something so brutal about anhedonia when you want to be feeling the love and bond with your child. Great to hear that you are enjoying family life now, honestly massive respect for managing two children whilst dealing with this hell!

The Other Side,

 

Let me send you a pm and I can elaborate on your questions.

Yeah man, cheers. And sorry for waffling on this Success Story, still getting used to the forum!

Leann,

I'm sorry you are still suffering. My intrusive thoughts and urges just gradually went away. I'm no longer tormented by any violent thoughts or urges. It was awful from till month 30 then I noticed from months 30-36, things got better to where my thoughts weren't attacking me on a daily basis. It actually continues to get better even up till now. What are the nature of your intrusive thoughts?

 

 

 

 

Fear of hurting people when I’m out. Seem to remember you were fearful about being left with your daughter? Not consciously thinking about hurting anyone. Only been bad  since started the SSRI’s , which I was assured would help the intrusive thoughts,so about 32 months. Why the hell did I put any faith in another GP? Get occasional day not quite as bad but never get windows.

This is such an encouraging update. I am 41 months out, so to hear you are feeling even better a year later is super exciting! Stress has been having me in waves, and I can't wait until thats not the case.

What a fantastic update!! I am so happy to hear that you have continued to see such incredible progress and are living even more and more of a "Normal" life!

Congratulations on your second child - from one almost healed parent to another, going through this shit with littles is beyond hard. I'm absolutely trilled to hear you are doing well! 

I'm happy you're still getting better even after you wrote your Success Story.

 

I just wanted to say that I also had the same issue with watching TV, Movies, or Reading.  It was truly horrible.  I also couldn't sit still however the dread and horror I felt when watching some type of media was dreadful. Hellish. 

 

I'm way past that now.  I wish you good health moving forward.

dionysus,

 

For me, even if I saw a copy of a horror book, I would go into a tailspin. I remember seeing a copy of the book version of The Shining and I would panic and freak out and think what if I become the dad from The Shining. It was such a horrible experience. Couldn't watch Disney movie trailers without freaking out. I'm lucky to be over that symptom now too.

I am thrilled to read this BBB! Congratulations on the birth of your new wee one. Knowing you are parenting with joy makes me smile. Thank you for returning to share your wellness and bring much needed hope.

 

Peace to you,

Carita 

I am thrilled to read this BBB! Congratulations on the birth of your new wee one. Knowing you are parenting with joy makes me smile. Thank you for returning to share your wellness and bring much needed hope.

 

Peace to you,

Carita 

 

Thank you, Carita. You were very helpful in my recovery. I remember sending you messages back and forth in the fall of 2019 when I had just started my new job as a high school Librarian in my hometown. I really appreciate the support you gave me and the others on benzo buddies who did the same to help me out.

Bump

Boomboxboy,

 

How are you doing now?

I'm still doing pretty well. I think most of my benzo symptoms are completely gone by now besides sensitivities to everything. I've had a few beers this fall but I'm hesitant to try more than 4 ounces and I only do that like once every three months because in 2021 I had a bad reaction to a beer. Other than that, I'm doing good. I don't think about withdrawal as much now and I don't really feel traumatized by it, surprisingly. I just like to hop on here every once and a while to give some people a little hope.

Wanted to come back and bump this. Hopefully, everybody had a good Christmas who may read this. I'm still doing pretty good for the most part. I got a nasty case of the flu over Christmas break and ended up being down for a week and felt some minor levels of depression along with the flu symptoms, but I think it will all clear up pretty soon.

Boomboxboy,

 

Thank you for coming back to say hi to us.  I'm so sorry you had the flu. I think bad viruses make everyone feel a little depressed.  Get well soon and thanks for caring about us!

 

Happy New Year,

Helen