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Protracted and Feeling Better Now


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My story with benzodiazepines begins in the fall of 2010. I took a job as an English teacher a year after graduating college. During that first year, I progressively started sleeping worse and worse because of the severe anxiety and stress I was feeling about teaching. I disliked the public speaking a great deal and constantly worried about what students and my colleagues thought of me. I went to my general practitioner, and he put me on Ambien. It worked for a little while, but then I started noticing I was taking more and more to fall asleep, and I was staying up longer and longer after taking it and feeling very weird. I would wake up in the morning and find that I was 20 more pages into a book and hadn’t remembered reading it, and I also had bizarre journal entries from that time period. I think taking the ambien turned into abuse during that first school year. I was also drinking a lot during that time period. My sleep was still basically garbage despite the ambien. I persevered through my first year and slept slightly better over the summer, but when my second year started, the same sleep issues resumed, and I wanted to quit my job. In hindsight, I probably should have, as my body was rejecting the situation.

 

As a last resort, I went to a sleep doctor, who put me on .5 milligrams of Klonopin. I started sleeping better immediately and even felt more confident at work. During my third year, I was doing pretty well at my job, and that continued through year five. Every year, from 2011 to 2015, I would take .5 milligrams of Klonopin only on week nights, and generally, I was binge drinking every Friday night. Every summer, I would completely stop taking the Klonopin cold turkey. It wasn’t until the summer of 2014 where I first noticed having uncomfortable intrusive thoughts that went away right when I started taking meds again in the fall. I took some Klonopin sporadically during the 2015-2016 school year, but I was mostly off it by then because I’d read about the risk of dementia. I also distinctly remember reading about people having problems coming off these meds and thinking, No way, it’s not possible. I didn’t really have any major issues quitting cold turkey all the times I did.

 

I had one good year of teaching (2016-2017) off all medications. I attribute this to the students I had that year and the friend circle that I had at work. Also, during that year, my wife and I had our daughter and I got to take a month off. I took care of my daughter, alone, during the day, for one full month. However, when the 2017-2018 school year started, I started having all the same anxiety I had remembered from my first year of teaching; however, my sleep wasn’t terrible. I started having migraines, and I dreaded going to work. I think I was also exhausted and not taking care of myself because of our daughter, graduate school, and the strenuous teaching job. I started getting lightheaded at work when I had to lecture. I started feeling like my heart was beating too fast, and I had to grab desks while walking up and down the rows and handing out graded work. Suddenly, the students were no longer on my side, I think mostly because I was growing more and more miserable and they could tell. At the beginning of January 2018, I went back to my general practitioner and asked for Klonopin to help me cope. I figured it worked once, and it could work again. Biggest mistake of my life!

 

I started taking .125 milligrams in the morning and another .125 milligrams before my seventh period class, which was the period I dreaded most. I did that from early January 2018 to March 21st, 2018. I was intentionally taking what I thought was a low dose because I was aware of the risks. During that time period, I started noticing that I was waking precisely between 4 and 5 every day and I could not fall back asleep. Also, it was during this time period that I noticed the interdose withdrawal. I felt horrible in the shower if I didn’t take the Klonopin prior to getting in every morning. I would also not take the meds over the weekend. It was sometime in February 2018 that I knew something was seriously wrong when I did not take a dose over the weekend. My wife and daughter were gone, and I tried to sit down to watch some TV while eating, and I felt like I was going insane. Complete internal restlessness and agitation. It is very hard to describe because I’d never felt anything like that before. It was the beginning stages of akathisia. I remember taking my dog out in the snow and walking her up and down the street. Even at that moment, I didn’t realize it was the meds completely causing it. I kept blaming work. Then that Sunday night, I remember bawling to my wife for no reason and getting really mad at her. I had never cried like that before.

 

When I quit the meds completely (.25 milligrams of Klonopin, cold turkey), it took about two days and I knew I was in a lot of trouble. Feelings of psychosis. Pacing all over the house having panic attacks because I thought I’d lost my mind. No appetite. Besides the feelings of I’d lost my mind, the next noticeable symptom was insomnia. I didn’t sleep at all until a good month and a half off. With that, I will break down the symptoms I had and when.

 

Insomnia: Like I said, I didn’t sleep until the first month and a half off the meds. I was having zero hour nights of sleep for a very long time, and I have no idea how I kept functioning at work in the early stages off the meds. Usually I’d stay up all night and then about a half hour before the alarm, I’d fall asleep for like twenty minutes. Then from about 2.5 to 5 I slept okay, but when the next year of school started (2018-2019), I went back to about 2 hours a night. During that time period, I’d use guided meditation to put me to sleep, and it would usually keep me asleep for a couple hours at the beginning of the night and then I’d be up most of the rest of the night. From months 12 to 24, my sleep slowly improved. I got to the point where I could take naps consistently again around month 24 when the COVID pandemic started. Then I noticed during month 29, when my 2020-2021 school year was starting, I was sleeping through the night despite my job and taking naps after work. I’m sleeping about 6 to 7 hours a night now, and working out during the day seems to really help me sleep better too. I can’t sleep past 6 or 7 o’clock most weekend days, and I could before withdrawal occurred, but that might just be due to aging. Maybe the ability to sleep in will come back too. Who knows. I can tell you that I’m still pretty dog tired most days even though I’m sleeping a lot better. I’m just thankful I’m getting some sleep again.

 

Akathisia: I know that this has been my absolute worst symptom. I know that it’s what created the horrifying depression that made me afraid to be alone, and on the flip side, it also created the horrible intrusive thoughts and urges that made me scared to be around any people at all. Once I initially got my sleep back at around 2.5 months, I fell into a deep depression. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I remember the night it really started. I had just completed a catering gig, and I got home late and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst depression and mental agitation I’d ever experienced and it was like something was pulling me to end my life against my will. I then woke up my wife asking to be institutionalized, and I cried and had a panic attack. It eventually passed, but I would have an episode like this probably a few times a month for probably the first 12-18 months. I never wanted to die at any point, it just felt like something was trying to force me to.

 

From months 2.5 to about month 12, I had to be walking constantly to keep my sanity. Also, when I was at home, I couldn’t be left alone. I developed monophobia, and I was completely scared to be by myself. I had to accompany my wife everywhere during the first year, and my parents constantly had to drive from their house an hour and half away and stay for extended periods of time. I was afraid to park in my garage because of frightening intrusive thoughts I was having, so I just parked in front of my house. Also, the horrible depression and akathisia is a major reason I went right on working because days at home were a million times worse than being at work. It’s funny because what put me on benzos (work) I now felt like I had to be at every day to keep my sanity.

 

After the really bad depression started to fade from months 12-18, I started noticing horrible intrusive thoughts and urges and agitation around others. I had horrible anger for no reason. It was toward everybody, but particularly bad toward my family. It was then torture to be inside my home at all. I won’t go into any of the details. I had to avoid being home as much as possible. Again, these symptoms have been linked to mental akathisia. But these symptoms have been the absolute worst and complete and utter torture. Nobody would understand it unless they experienced it. It was the benzo the entire time. These thoughts and urges and feelings continue to fade to this day. They become less and less intense each month. Please refer to this thread to understand what I’m talking about.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=64504.0

 

Sensitivity to Everything: For the longest time, I couldn’t watch any TV, movies, or read any books. Everything brought on horror and dread and would kick up the akathisia-related symptoms I just described. I remember at one point I couldn’t even watch the Toy Story 4 trailer. I eventually watched it and felt horrible. Any mention of anything even remotely violent or anything to do with mental health at all, made me feel complete and utter horror for so long too. Even seeing the cover of a horror book like The Shining, for example, brought on severe fear based on the symptoms I was having.This symptom has slowly faded, and I can watch TV again and enjoy shows and movies for the most part. I can also read any type of book again.

 

Also, early on, I was really sensitive to sound. I remember listening to guided meditations to help me fall asleep in the first year, and when the guide would stop and then start talking again, it would frighten and jar me awake.

 

Anhedonia: I was unable to feel pleasure throughout most of the process. I remember I had big plans in the summer of 2018 to buy a new guitar. I had been saving for a while and planned on trading some of my old guitars in. Of course I ended up doing this about 3 months into withdrawal, and I remember what my wife said distinctly: “You’re not even excited about this.” I remember telling her “I know.” I had lost the feeling of pleasure one gets when buying a new item or playing a video game or reading a book or watching a ballgame. Most of my interests completely disappeared and my life turned into watching benzo videos, calling other people going through benzo withdrawal, and walking non-stop. Small purchases for enjoyment lost all value to me. I derived little to no pleasure hanging out with people, I just did it to get through the days and distract myself. However, my interests have come back for the most part and I’m looking forward to watching shows again and looking forward to hanging out with people and the weekend. Looking forward to plans feels very good.

 

Derealization and Depersonalization: I had this pretty bad from the outset and started noticing that it was fading probably around 24 months off the meds. The first thing I noticed was looking at a mountain range that was very close to my house. The sky and mountain range seemed like a painting to me. It was very bizarre. Also, I particularly remember looking at my daughter and thinking she’s not my daughter. This isn't my real life. In another eerie instance, I remember driving through the campus I graduated college from in the winter of 2019 and thinking this isn’t where I went to school. It was very eerie and uncomfortable. All my past memories didn’t feel like they were mine even though I still remembered them. Through most of the withdrawal, I didn’t feel any human connection with other people as well. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, hardly at all, and I had to pretend I was fine every time I did, which was incredibly difficult. On top of all this, and I believe this symptom is connected to derealization, every time I looked in the mirror it was like I couldn’t recognize myself. It was like a blurred, distorted image of me. Just utter torture. Most of this has gone away, but I still occasionally get the sensation that what I’m doing isn’t my real life like when I’m at work or home, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it once was.

 

Burning Skin: This was my worst physical symptom. I had burning in my face, around my cheeks, mouth, eyes, and nose. It felt like I had frostbite on my face. Most of my nerve burning was in my left calf, but I would get it in other places too like my ears and stomach and arms and my right leg. It would come and go in those places and seemed worse when stressed. It seemed to get worse when the mental symptoms would get worse too, so I’m sure it was all tied together. I still have this to some extent, but it does not bother me much at all anymore, and it keeps lessening the more time goes on.

 

Head Pain and Pressure: I had a lot of weird pain in the front of my head most of the time. It often felt like there was a brick in my frontal lobe or pressure in my frontal lobe, and it seemed to coincide with the feelings of losing my mind. So when the head pressure in the front of my head was bad that also meant my mental symptoms were bad. I guess this is the brain trying to heal itself.

 

Vision Issues: My vision became blurry the moment I quit cold turkey. It felt like there was a veil between me and the world for a long time, and again, I feel that was associated with derealization. Once the veil lifted a bit, I noticed it was just blurry vision that would get worse when I would get stressed out. It seems to be resolving itself in time as well. I’m finally able to really focus on people’s facial features again and notice what they really look like. It was so blurry for so long.

 

Ear Stuff: I had a lot of burning in my ears, and I still have it from time to time. Also, I sometimes had a sensation that my ears were filled with water. That went away.

 

Other symptoms: Early on (first four months), I had the sensation my joints were trying to bend the wrong way. That went away. I think it was associated with akathisia and having restless limbs. I would occasionally get restless limbs while lying in bed. I had a lot of morning anxiety in the first year to year and a half off where I would have butterflies in my stomach. I had some rib cage pain off and on and some costochondritis in my chest. I still get the sensation in my chest like muscles are being pulled apart when I’m stressed. Tons of crying spells because of the symptoms and the torment. Those could be helpful at times. I still get mild muscle spasms that aren’t that bothersome. I know it’s from the benzo.

 

Residual Stuff (may or may not be benzo related): I’m still dealing with a lot of fatigue, and I’m still very sensitive to stress. Some days when I push myself too hard and do too much, my vision still gets really blurry and the fatigue/exhaustion behind the eyes can get very bad and my head feels off; however, it’s nowhere near as bad as the 24/7 suffering I experienced for so long. Also, I contracted COVID about a year after COVID became a fixture of our lives and went through a wave that resolved after a few weeks, again, showing I’m sensitive to stress. I’m guessing I’m still going to get waves when I’m stressed for a little while. I’m hoping that stops completely in the future. I may have to do some extensive trial and error with lifestyle, diet, etc, to improve said conditions, or I may just need more time.

 

Benzo withdrawal started on March 21st, 2018. For me it has been mental torture the entire time because of the akathisia-related symptoms. My sleep started coming back in earnest at 24 months off, and I started feeling like the mental symptoms were improving by about 30 months off. By 36 months off, I started feeling fairly normal most days besides the residual symptoms I described. I’m 38 months off as I post this.

 

All in all, I was able to keep my life in order through all this over the past three years. I kept my teaching job and then applied for a less stressful library job and moved, with my family, back to my hometown to be closer to my parents to finish healing at about 14 months off. I was able to sell and buy a new house. I finished my master’s degree in Creative Writing. But most importantly, my family stayed together, and my daughter is growing up into a kind and wonderful person. She is four now.

 

I was able to release two albums, the first album completely about acute withdrawal and the other about the aftermath of withdrawal and trying to get better.

 

The first album about acute withdrawal is entitled Get Well and can be found here:

 

Spotify:

 

Youtube:

 

Bandcamp: https://comebackk.bandcamp.com/album/get-well

 

The second album is more about the protracted withdrawal, trying to recover, and the aftermath of withdrawal and it is called Relearn. It can be found here:

 

Spotify:

 

Youtube:

 

Bandcamp: https://comebackk.bandcamp.com/album/relearn

 

I really hope these albums could potentially help people going through this, particularly Get Well. You can listen for free with all these links.

 

There are a lot of people I want to thank from the forum and lots of people I met in Facebook groups too.

 

I want to start by thanking now-power who I reached out to early on after finding his previously mentioned thread about similar, disturbing symptoms. I reached out on a whim, not knowing if he’d ever respond to my message but he did. We started a correspondence that really helped me see that the symptoms were in fact withdrawal symptoms and nothing else. If not for his thread and correspondence, I’m not sure I would have made it.

 

I also want to thank hearsaybenz for working on the two benzo-related albums with me and making them all they could be. By finding each other on this forum, we became friends working on music and also discussing the plight that has been benzo withdrawal. I look forward to our continued friendship in the future.

 

And another friend I want to thank is Tom6418. We spoke a lot while going through this at the same time. You were tapering and I went cold turkey, but we did have a lot of similar symptoms that we could relate about. I appreciate all those conversations we had about how life used to be before the injury.

 

Another friend I want to thank is FakeItTilYouMakeIt. You really helped me out during the early part of acute. I remember talking to you every day, while I paced around my classroom during my prep period. Thank you for doing that. It helped me survive.

 

I also need to thank Siggy and Theway2 for talking with me so much during this process as well. You really helped me with the insomnia part of all this.

 

Other people that helped me a lot along the way include Misty93, groovejuice, t1d, jimmythesaintny, Lesliej, BrainOnFire, and probably another handful of people who I met in Facebook groups who assured me it was benzo withdrawal and that I just needed to survive until it was over. There were also a ton of people on benzo buddies I interacted with a lot in threads that were very helpful as well.

 

Other thoughts:

1. Every single day I was going through this, I almost never believed it could only be from the meds. I always believed it was some other mental illness I had picked up or my previous symptoms coming back. I blamed it on postpartum depression in men, testosterone levels, diet, my family, my job, where I lived. I almost went on other meds several times, but my instincts after what happened with the benzos always told me no, along with all the other people I was talking to who had been through this journey. I’m really glad I didn’t take other meds. I feel like that would have been the definition of insanity.

 

2. I never believed I would heal when I was feeling bad, I only believed I would heal when I had brief windows. Also, when in the depths of hell, the torment is so all encompassing, there is nothing else I could think about. People told me to leave the forum and distract and to leave Facebook groups. There was no way I was going to be able to do so. I know some people are able to do it, but the groups were my constant distraction when feeling terrible. I was talking to someone about my condition 24/7 for nearly 2.5 years because without the constant reassurance, I don’t think I would have made it. Massive thank you to anyone who took the brunt of reassuring me over and over again.

 

3. Supplements: I tried at least 20 to 30 supplements while going through this and none of them touched any of the symptoms. I don’t think any really made me worse except fish oil, which I tried at about a year off, and my insomnia got terrible for a few nights (zero hours). I tried vitamin d3, vitamin C, magnesium, CBD oil, zinc, multivitamins, Sam-E, lithium orotate, 5-HTP, probiotics, and so on. I even tried the gingko protocol from a benzo buddies thread. I tried herbal tea blends from my herbalist friend. I took lion’s mane and nutritional yeast and various b vitamins. The only thing that helped even slightly was a .3 milligram tablet of herbatonin, which did occasionally help with sleep as I got further along. Also, during withdrawal, I sometimes would take a half a tablet of a Unisom antihistamine to help with sleep, and it did seem to help me get a little sleep. All in all, I wasted a ton of money on supplements. It’s impossible to know what helped me, what hurt me, and what did nothing for benzo healing, but none brought any acute benefits besides the aforementioned sleep aids.

 

4. Alcohol: At about a month off, before I knew much about all this, I went out with my buddies and had some drinks. Then about a month later, at two months off, I had a beer at a concert and then a week later, I indulged in one more drink at a going-away party. This was June 2018. That’s really when shit hit the fan for me. While I was dealing with some very bad insomnia early on, I was feeling like I was healing at about two months off because my sleep had gotten better. However, after that drink at the going away party, right at the beginning of my summer vacation, things got very bad. Depression was through the roof at that point. While I can’t say that it wouldn’t have happened for sure without the drinks, I would just avoid drinking while healing. No point in ruining progress for one drink. I haven’t had any alcohol since June 6th, 2018. Believe me, based on my past history with drinking, it would take immense suffering for me to quit it completely, and this was immense suffering.

 

5. Treat it like a brain injury: I would try to do things that help treat a brain injury or a nervous system injury like exercising as much as you can. I know some people develop exercise intolerance, but I would figure out a way to exercise each day, even if just a little bit. I think in the late stages of healing, exercise helped me finish faster. I would also find diets that treat brain injuries and nervous system injuries and figure out nutrients that you might be lacking that help with brain and nervous system health. I wouldn’t treat yourself for depression or anxiety or things of that nature by taking more pills. Treat it as a brain injury and those other things will resolve, assuming they are from the medication injury.

 

6. I was a nuisance on this forum: I know that I was a massive nuisance on this forum and posted about the same things over and over again. I know that I annoyed many people and that many people told me to get professional help when posting about my primary issues. I sort of invited others to get mad at me with the number of repetitive posts I made. Many told me to try meds. Many told me to leave the forum. And I’m really glad that I didn’t do any of those things. I just want to thank anybody who gave me unconditional support here despite my repetitive posts.

 

7. It’s true that people leave this forum when they start to feel better. This is something I never believed as I looked at member’s profiles who hadn’t posted in years but did not write a success story. I think people just get better enough to move on and don’t want to think about this anymore. I went from being on Benzo Buddies nearly every moment of the day to maybe ten minutes a day in about a three-month timespan. Very few people remain from when I was at my worst and that includes people who were suffering at the same time as me and also people who were already healed who were helping out a ton. Many of the people who were sick at the same time as me did not write a success story though, and many stopped talking to me abruptly once they got better.

 

8. Therapy: My best suggestion would be to find a benzo-wise therapist and see that person as you heal. If you cannot find a benzo-wise therapist, you are better off talking to other people who have gone through the horrible ordeal themselves. Therapists who know nothing about this will not be able to help you and will likely gaslight you. I was able to find two great therapists while going through this who did believe me and helped me out. However, I did go through about three other therapists who did not believe me, and actually made me feel much worse. One of them recommended exposure therapy for the akathisia-related symptoms I described and that was a very bad idea. Exposure therapy will not work for OCD symptoms that are chemical.

 

9. Kindling and cold turkey: I think I’m a worst-case scenario story on benzo buddies because I was repeatedly kindled and repeatedly quit cold turkey. I should have reinstated and done a liquid-based taper after the bad reaction in 2018, but by the time I realized that, it was too late. I would always, always taper getting off these meds, and once you do successfully, do not go back on them. I believe the repeated starts and stops of these meds made my nervous system incredibly fragile.

 

10. Time: Time is super important. When I spoke with healed people in moments of desperation (which was daily), I never believed them when they said time was the most critical factor. I just kept seeking shortcuts. I kept saying I can’t go on like this for another 6 months. But I did. I had to for my family. And all the healed people were correct. It just slowly started to fade over time. And all the symptoms dropping off were very subtle. It wasn’t magically healing overnight in my case, just glacially noticing that symptoms were dropping off, until all of a sudden the days weren’t complete torture every moment. Now I think if I can survive the torment of protracted withdrawal/healing, you can too. Just stay alive day after day. That’s your only goal. Things will eventually improve!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Wow congrats! You give us all hope. Yours is the success story that I’ve been waiting for! :) So are you completely symptom-free right now? Or just dealing with a very minor stuff that you can disregard?
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boomboxboy21, my brother, this was not a dry-eye read for me. Our experiences were so similar and I knew the moment you contacted me that we were speaking the same language when it came to the horror of our withdrawals, particularly with the intrusive thoughts. But I also absolutely believed that you were going to get through it - and you earned every single inch of the wellness you have now. Your success story is vital reading to not only those who are unfortunate enough to experience what we have, but for you yourself to reflect back upon - so you never forget that path you ascended and the scar tissue you accumulated along the way. I'm sure you won't anyway.

 

I'm glad you posted your records on this thread as well. Even though withdrawal is 9 years in the past for me, "Get Well" was a record that resonated with me in a major way. You have a lot of talent and I hope you continue to cultivate that.

 

I wish you the absolute best as you move forward in life. It's a lot of readjustment, it's like coming back from another world and having to re-assimilate. After the fog there is clarity.

 

Proud of you, man - super proud.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

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I’m so glad I read your post today BBB. I am 20 months off and finally feel my sleep coming back. I’m just so frustrated with daytime anxiety. Thank you for sharing your story. I think you’re right in treating this like a brain injury. It’s important to be patient, right? Thanks again
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Thank you for sharing your story, boomboxboy21.  It certainly isn’t easy baring our souls but when staring down a benzo nightmare, we end up doing just that here.  Glad to know you found comfort and help in your journey, and I’m truly happy to hear how much better you are now.  May you continue to heal and thrive.
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Boom

 

Thank you so much for posting this!  I am crying as I sit here wondering how I can make it through tonight let alone tomorrow!  But you did and I have to my daughter needs me!  Congratulations and please enjoy the rest of your life!  God bless you and yours!

 

U

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Oh wow...I didn't expect to see your name posted in success stories and man am I glad to see what you wrote! You were still in such a rough place when I started on here, and to see you post this and have watched the changes in the past 15 months - so happy for you!!!!
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Congratulations. This is such a great success story. Thank you for taking the time to write it. It hits on so many things I’m struggling with.

All the best to you and I hope that things just keep getting better for you.

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I'm so glad you're doing better now. I know you were in a bad way. I knew things would get better. Also, I'm sorry if I wasn't always patient with you. ❤️
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Oh BBB! I'm so happy to find your post in the Success Story section of the forum! Waw oh waw, my friend! WAW!!! I am so delighted for you! It's been a rough ride, this I do know, but you are now on the other side of 'the madness' and life is welcoming you warmly back with open arms... as it does! Thank you so much for writing this lengthy account of your journey, I do look forward to hearing some more about life on the other side, if ever you want to do so... but anyways, thank you for coming back and letting us know that you've reached the shores of life safely! Oh what great news, BBB!

 

Julz  :smitten:

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Thanku so much boom. Ur story has really helped me at time I’m questioning if this is bwd. I’m so happy for u to finally have the healing u so deserve x
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Congrats bruv! I know it’s been a long painful journey. We put it behind us, but will never forget. I’ll stay in touch outside of BB like we have been. I don’t on here much anymore. I’ll never forget this community and the help they gave people like us. 
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I recommend putting the album 'get well' on while you read this for anyone yet to read.

 

Great music man, I felt the words of your success story come alive listening to you're songs.

 

I remember you from back when you first started, you were right, you were freaking out a lot and you couldn't believe it was the benzos.

 

You had that lost soul sadness and panic about you for quite a while, I was really worried, because every time I came back, you were always so close to the edge. But eventually you understood we all go through that, and its just about holding on for dear life and waiting for time to redeem us. Well you made it, put your feet up, enjoy simple living and all its bliss and take a break lol

 

So happy for you man, god bless and enjoy, you've earned it.

 

Pinky

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boomboxboy21, my brother, this was not a dry-eye read for me. Our experiences were so similar and I knew the moment you contacted me that we were speaking the same language when it came to the horror of our withdrawals, particularly with the intrusive thoughts. But I also absolutely believed that you were going to get through it - and you earned every single inch of the wellness you have now. Your success story is vital reading to not only those who are unfortunate enough to experience what we have, but for you yourself to reflect back upon - so you never forget that path you ascended and the scar tissue you accumulated along the way. I'm sure you won't anyway.

 

I'm glad you posted your records on this thread as well. Even though withdrawal is 9 years in the past for me, "Get Well" was a record that resonated with me in a major way. You have a lot of talent and I hope you continue to cultivate that.

 

I wish you the absolute best as you move forward in life. It's a lot of readjustment, it's like coming back from another world and having to re-assimilate. After the fog there is clarity.

 

Proud of you, man - super proud.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

 

I've appreciated all the help and guidance you have given along the way. I always think of how lucky it was for you to respond to my desperate messages back in early 2019 or whenever that was. Tough to even remember all the timelines and when I first made contact with people. I was literally searching by keyword for threads related to my symptoms that I found the thread you originally posted in 2012. Very lucky I found that thread. It described what I was going through to a t.

 

Thank you for the compliments about the music. I definitely plan to keep writing and performing music. I have a lot of readjusting to do and a lot of ground to make up with my wife, but that will be my main priority going forward.

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Congrats bruv! I know it’s been a long painful journey. We put it behind us, but will never forget. I’ll stay in touch outside of BB like we have been. I don’t on here much anymore. I’ll never forget this community and the help they gave people like us.

 

Thanks, man. You were one of the first people I talked to consistently on here back in the summer of 2018 when the insomnia and depression were crushing me. I'm glad we've been able to create a correspondence about the ups and downs of this horrible process. It's true: we put it behind us, but we never forget.

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I recommend putting the album 'get well' on while you read this for anyone yet to read.

 

Great music man, I felt the words of your success story come alive listening to you're songs.

 

I remember you from back when you first started, you were right, you were freaking out a lot and you couldn't believe it was the benzos.

 

You had that lost soul sadness and panic about you for quite a while, I was really worried, because every time I came back, you were always so close to the edge. But eventually you understood we all go through that, and its just about holding on for dear life and waiting for time to redeem us. Well you made it, put your feet up, enjoy simple living and all its bliss and take a break lol

 

So happy for you man, god bless and enjoy, you've earned it.

 

Pinky

 

Thanks, Pinky. I appreciate the compliments about the album. The songs really just go with the symptoms I described in the success story. I figure pair those symptoms with some minor chords, you have a pretty heartfelt and emotional album.

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Dear BBB,

  Thank you for sharing this descriptive account of your recovery. It is helpful to read for both those suffering and their support circle. Describing the intensity of this journey is hard to do and you captured it very well.

 

  Knowing you are feeling well is wonderful news! I celebrate your success Boom! Enjoy your beautiful family and good health.

 

Warmly,

Carita

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Carita, thank for all your support as I was getting better and really struggling back in the fall of 2019. I appreciated the correspondence we had. It was very helpful at the time just to get through another day of suffering. And thanks for the compliments about the writing. Hope you are feeling mostly better now too.

 

Bluepm, yes, we shared a lot of messages during this since we were on a similar timeline. I think it's good to move away from all this if you're feeling better but don't want to write a success story. I wish you the best going forward.

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[c0...]
Your strength and courage can never be challenged , you passed a test no human should EVER have to take , well done !!!!!!!
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