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Word Vomit


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I still take a large dose, yet it is less, and at the same times each day.

 

Since I have reduced and have started to become more cognizant of my feelings of behavior (both from decreasing and just from intentional mindfulness), I have noticed I "vomit words". I do not remember where I first read/heard this term, but it means to continually speak when others may not be listening or may not be interested.

 

The first time I was told "dude, you would not shut up last night", was when a person gave me a klonopin in college and I went to a party. I didn't think twice about it because I didn't even think the klonopin did anything and didn't even know what it was. It was a one off.

 

Nowadays, I realize when I speak to my few friends and family that I go on and on and on and on. I was always told that I was talkative and intense my entire life, but I think the benzos made it worse.

 

I feel really ashamed that I have been so socially out of tune for all these years. Sometimes I keep speaking because I'm just so nervous I do it to clear the dead air. I'm like a dog with a bone in conversation, which makes me plan scenarios in which I will go for periods of silence (not total silence, just speaking only when absolutely necessary).

 

MM

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I can relate to this, when I was taking large amounts of Klonopin my behavior changed, I got louder and more talkative and was actually a little aggressive in my tactics at work.  Instead of gathering all of the facts and working to bring others to my side by negotiating or persuasion I would rush in being pushy and demanding about a particular situation I was dealing with. 

 

I look back on that time in my life and I'm embarrassed because I feel I made myself look foolish and boorish.

 

 

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Being boorish feels like the right thing to do when you literally can’t chemically feel that you’re hurting other people...it’s like I was/am incapable of caring what other people feel like right now. I can tell when a normal person should feel a certain way but I don’t actually feel it. Super out of touch. Can relate to your experience at work too, Pam.
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