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Hello , glad to be here this is my first post ! I have been on benzos 10 years and have recently tapered off Valium after years of tapering. At my worst I was taking 150 mg of Valium a day. I am now almost 3 months off and my benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms are getting unbearable so I found this website and am here looking for support and advice. Will be sure to make more posts on my journey in the forum at a later time. Thanks !
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Hello EnlightenedSoul777, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Wow, congratulations on being benzo free, that was a pretty big dose, what did your taper look like, did you dry cut all the way down?  I can imagine you're in the thick of horrific symptoms, its so unfair that even after tapering for so long you still have to deal with symptoms.

 

We'll be happy to support you, no one understands what this is like except those who experience it, we get it.  I'll give you some links to help you navigate the forum but please ask questions if you have them, we're here to help.

 

Pamster

 

Four Phases of Withdrawal-Where Are You?

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support 

 

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Yes it has been hell. It seems I have been tapering for the past 8 years or so . Yes was dry cutting , went down from 150 mg to 8 mg but that took many years of work with a psychiatrist. I went cold turkey from 8 mg and went off completely in 2017. To my surprise I felt pretty good for 6 months and thought I had beaten benzos but 6 months later the withdrawal came back with a vengeance and I had the worst symptoms of my life. Worst anxiety I have ever had and completely lost my mind. I didn’t know it was withdrawal I thought i was just going crazy .. doctors started putting me on loads of other medications and nothing worked , just made me worse. I got so desperate and was suffering so badly I turned to heroin (I am an addict in recovery and was clean from heroin at the time ) but the withdrawals caused a relapse .. and long story short I ended up overdosing twice in one day . Stopped breathing both times.  Had to be hosptilized 2 times that day . After that happened my mind state just got even worse to the point I couldn’t take it anymore and I started taking zoplicone and benzos again at high dosages for a short period of time. The doctor had me on 40 mg of Valium then I went to a new psychiatrist and he decided to try taking me off cold turkey from 40 mg. Worst experiance of my life , made it 3 days .. almost died . Had a seizure had to be rushed to hospital . So when I saw the doctor again he decided to do a slow taper from 40 mg using the Ashton method . Took well over a year and here I am finally off everything . But yes the withdrawal and mental symptoms are getting so severe again I am scared I am not gunna make it. So worried my brain will never heal from the years of drug/alcohol and benzo abuse. Suffering so badly and so depressed reading how this suffering can go on years before any relief .. it’s only been 3 months I don’t know how I will take this for multiple more years. I figured I better reach out for some support to keep me encouraged to not go back to hard drugs or benzos cause if I don’t heal now I prob won’t survive this . Doing my best to stay sober and let my brain heal but it’s so hard :(

 

Thanks for listening

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You've had it rough and I can understand reaching for something, anything to stop the pain.  I hope you can hang on to us for support to help you stay away from things you know won't help and only hurt you more.  There's strength in numbers and we have many members so lean on us.

 

Are you going to any 12 step meetings?  I know they don't really work for benzo's, a totally different animal but you could draw strength from the people in those rooms too.

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Thank you so much for the kind words ! That is a really good idea , I used to go to NA years ago but havnt reached out to them in a long time , I will def look into that! Thanks for the suggestion :)
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Holy smokes, you have an intense story.  Thanks for sharing it.  I'm happy you lived to tell it.  You must be incredibly strong for what you've already been through, so I believe you can make it through the horrible symptoms, though it must be extremely unbearably difficult.  I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  I'm glad you're here.  Welcome :balloon: :balloon: :balloon:
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