Almost 16 months and my nervous system fully healed (from benzos and CPTSD)!

Hello,

 

I wanted to come back and share some good news for those going through it. I have reached full healing of my nervous system after an excruciating benzo taper and many initial rounds kindling. I was off and on benzos since age 18, when I found them. They were like a magic pill for my severe anxiety and what I didn’t know at the time was complex PTSD and dissociative identity disorder (used to be called multiple personally disorder, and is how I survived my childhood, by creating walls of amnesia to compartmentalize horrific levels of trauma with no escape).

 

I am filled with pride and joy to report that I have healed from all of that. Not only have I healed my nervous system from the benzos, I have healed my CPTSD and DID in the process. I decided at some point during taper hell, that the extreme symptoms benzos and withdrawal/tapering caused could be used to heal my entire nervous system from a life of extreme trauma. At no time are our triggers more present and vivid than in benzo withdrawal, when our neurons and receptors are damaged. I sought out a humanistic oriented therapist who specialized in trauma and DBT (dialectical behaviors therapy aka mindfulness based version of CBT). Perhaps the biggest tool I have utilized to heal, however, was a daily meditation practice. Even in the bowels of benzo hell I spent ten minutes every day counting my breath. Especially when I felt terrible. The research on the healing effects of this is tremendous and should not be ignored. Meditation can and will heal you. Period. There is no other magic pill. You’re not supposed to be good at it in benzo wd, it’s not supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be learning how to show up for yourself in extreme distress, no matter how you are feeling, and be present to your suffering. Day by day. If you can only do 3 min a day it will still change your life and healing trajectory in ways that would take a book for me to explain.

 

What I will explain is that I now live in a state of grounded inner peace and acceptance of life that is unshakable. That I may still have painful experiences but I no longer suffer. Can you imagine an end to your suffering? I couldn’t back then? But here I am anyhow. You owe it to yourself to at least try and start a daily practice. Can’t hurt.

 

This being said I am still healing physical conditions. I want to stress that you have your medical issues checked out by a good provider. Because not everything we experience is ‘just benzos’ and it is imperative to rule out other causes. I know the anxiety of dealing with the medical system that betrayed you, and just in general when dealing with benzo taper and healing, is a serious struggle. For me personally, it turns out I have fatty liver and gallbladder issues as well as parasites and candida overgrowth (I’ve lived in countries around the world where will picked them up). I am confident I can heal these issues as well, as I’ve recently transitioned to a plant based diet and am increasing physical activity. With my age and weight, no one suspected fatty liver. But it’s the true cause of my remaining physical issues, not benzos (though I do believe they may have contributed to the stress on my liver, there are other causes that have been identified).

 

Wishing you all healing success and sending you compassion no matter where you are at in your benzo journey. You can do this. You will survive and heal. It may not be as quickly as you would like and benzo wd makes it hard to have patience. But I firmly am convinced that helping the nervous system heal with any kind of mindfulness based practice will help you through it. Period. I’m living proof and it’s backed by so much research I’m not going to bother with posting any.

what a wonderful success story to both heal from the medication  and life  trauma ......  while i didn't  have the significant  traumas you  did early  in life- i did have  some struggles and like you - found benzo  withdrawal  gave me a whole  new perspective on life  - nothing can shake me now.......  congrats  on your  healing ....

Rose x u are an amazing soldier x I am so sorry for the trauma you sustained in your life and you are so deserving of the peace that you now have. This is a wonderful story Thanku very much for sharing it with us x lots of love and congratulations!

Thanks so much! It was healing to write it out. I’ve healed. I have come so far! Life is getting better and better!

This is very inspiring and I am so very happy for you!!!  I have been doing meditation for about a year and only recently making it a daily practice.  I do believe it is helping.  Thank you for coming back and posting. 

Congratulations Rosa!!!  :thumbsup:

 

Not to sound stupid but what exactly is counting your breath? I definitely would like to try that to further strengthen my CNS.

 

Thanks

PG

This was such a joy to read! Congratulations on your progress and I love your positive outlook. I really do agree with you about meditation. The "silver lining" of my own withdrawal period so far has been that I started meditating daily. Really glad to hear things are going so well! 

Congratulations Rosa!!!  :thumbsup:

 

Not to sound stupid but what exactly is counting your breath? I definitely would like to try that to further strengthen my CNS.

 

Thanks

PG

 

Not a silly question at all! I sit with eyes closed, if I have a hard day I even do this laying in bed. But I count the in-breath and the out-breath. So, I like to do various kinds of breath counting but it can be super simple. Just slowly breathe in for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of four. I like to breath out through the mouth, with sort of ‘pursed lips’ (like when you whistle) to slow the breath and this resistance actually stimulates the relaxation response in the nervous stance. Counting the breath, in general, helps us to focus when your monkey mind inevitably gets lost in thoughts (again). As it always will, but this focus improves greatly over time. 

Thank you for sharing. Sending you blessings for joy and love in your life. 

Congratulations Rose!

 

It's great that you mentioned the benefits of meditation. I have gotten away from doing that, and out of the blue this afternoon I was outside at a park under a beautiful magnolia tree. I just started meditating. It was so beneficial. I forgot how amazing it makes me feel. And yes, it's important to do it daily. I need to get back on track with that.

 

I'm so glad to see how you've learned to help other areas in your life besides withdrawal. You came away from this stronger than you were before. That's so powerful.

 

I think I remember you having a setback from a medication, maybe an antibiotic awhile ago?? Am I remembering that right? I was wondering how long it took you to move beyond that challenge. I'm wondering because I had a hell of a setback from the regular flu shot last fall.

 

How do you feel about taking medications like antibiotics now? Or any medications? Are you steering clear as much as you can? Or did your medication sensitivity eventually go away?

 

Again. Congrats! So happy for you!

Rose 23 - great post. So happy for you.

How old are you if may I ask? I m pretty the same case as you. Congratulation on your healing:)

Thank you so much for sharing. I’m healing from  CPTSD as well and sometimes feel like I’m just flailing. If I may ask, what kinds of tests did you get to get a better picture of your health and from which providers?

Thank you for coming back and sharing !

 

I will come back and read your succes story when i need ! I also believe in meditation and mindfulness but SO difficult to do when we are at our worst.

 

Wish you all the happiness you deserve 

Awesome story