Is this still acute withdrawal?? Please help!

Hi There,

 

I am 3 months off a very rapid taper.  This was not my first time on benzos unfortunately, the last taper was over 10 years ago and I recovered very well (eventually).  I am going through horrible mental symptoms that have gotten worse in the last couple of weeks. It feels like a am going insane, I have constant obsessive worry, hyper focused on my symptoms, FEAR, panic attacks, depersonalization/derealization and crazy fears.  The latest crazy fear is that I will never get my life back, I am crazy and I don't know it, and I will be stuck in this hell forever.  I am so scared that I am starting to question whether this is withdrawal and that it is just me and I am permanently brain damaged.  I feel like this 24/7, no relief.    I don't even know how to describe the crazy thoughts in my head, they wont leave and even when I try to distract they are there.  I am even scared writing this out as it sounds so crazy to me.    Can this be happening 3 mos out??  I am hanging on by a thread.  So sorry to be so depressing, I really need some input and support.  Thank you so much.  Holly

 

 

Aww so sorry, but yes 3 months is still very early!!!

Do you have people in real life that you can talk to?

That can spend time with you? Or can do things with you?

Are you able to do any normal things that you like?

 

I promise you that we ALL think it's permanent! Very normal to think that. Hell, I was in a wheelchair for months and definitely thought I would never walk normal again etc.

But now I am normal and back to sports

Sorry for the feelings of insanity you're feeling.  I've been there a few times.  I didn't do a rapid taper, so I can't imagine what you're going through.  When I made peace with the idea that I may never get my life back, it made all the difference in the world, and  I was able to finally accept it.  Now I'm starting to believe it's a possibility that I'll have my life back one day.  I believe you'll get your life back too, and it might take some time.  I hope you can be patient with yourself.

Im 3, going to 4 months off this time, all the things you described i was feeling with much more intensity weeks ago, everything .

 

. by now those sensations and feelings of going even more insane, terror24/7 ( i dont know even How to explain) but its a unwell,uneasy and inner agitation feeling  (feels like your cns and brain) its firing/shooting exitatory signals non stop and the breaks for It are not working, what Leads you to feel tottaly overwelmed, by now i can really Tell you that this s... decreased of intensity.. but this sensations makes you think you are tottaly loosing your mind.. again i can Tell you that the intensity of this  decreased a lot, and i felt the exactly same as your saying ( that i was going tottaly insane and feeling afraid that i was going to keep suffering with this kind of sensation, on that intensity forever) thank God It got easyer, the sensation of severe anxiety lowered too..  thats what i can Tell you.. it gets easier

 

But im early in recovery, so this kind of sensation stills, afraid of not getting my life back, that im Just Crazy, that i Will feel bad and uncapable/unqualified forever... Probably its ALL part of WD (benzo brain and lies) Again to help you, that feeling of going tottaly insane and out of mind, and feeling overwelmed by a Constant 24/7 terror/anxiety/uneasy/inner agitation ( i cant even describe more then that but It was terrible) definitely Got easyer, ocd ( its not totally gone, because IM still worrying About my condition) BUT suicidal thoughts ( i can say that It definitely got better) and i was nedding other meds besides of lyrica that i take since 2015 to Control It... Now IM off From them( not From lyrica).. so my cns and brain that worked out to get rid off it ( It was bad and i was having to take other drugs to Control the suicidal ideation) probably you can imagine How Crazy i was feeling to have intrusive suicidal ideation as the only way out..besides of those other meds, i did nothing instead of waiting and give time for the brain and cns to recover,  this Crazy feelings Will get easyer for you too , hang in there.

Thank you to all 3 of you (deniz, southernbelle and Glitter) for taking the time to reply to my post and share some of your experiences. It means so much to me in the state I am in.  I can relate to everything you shared, and deniz what you described is where I am at.  God bless you all.