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Intrusive thoughts


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Where do these thoughts come from?  I keep thinking about a bad experience 30 years ago.  THIRTY!!  It is consuming my mind for some of the day and then bam - it does go away. Does seem like it is getting better, the thoughts, today vs yesterday and earlier this week but why is my brain doing this?  Is it healing?  Suffering?  Will it end completely?  I sure the hell hope so -- it is very scary and I feel almost psychotic.  I can't concentrate on much else when it comes out of nowhere and then I also get an adrenaline rush and shaking/tremors. Today was shorter than yesterday these bouts.....so I hope that is a promising sign??  I am stunned on how this withdrawal is so intense and different this time.  I had a hard time on a much higher dose 10 years ago but NOTHING like this.

 

Thank GOD for this group!!

 

 

 

*****************

3 weeks on/off .5 Lorazepam

Tried cold Turkey - failed

Tapering now. .125 2x per day

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[14...]

Good question (where do the thoughts come from?).  I guess it's the deep dark forgotten recesses of our memories.  I recall having lots of weird old memories during my withdrawal (not all were bad or intrusive).  Just seems to be how the mind re-activates after years being numbed by the drug.

 

Controlling those thoughts is tough.  My approach was to be so stubborn that I refused to let those thoughts take over my brain.  I'd evoke other thoughts as often as necessary and staying on top of it until I succeeded.  The thoughts would come and I'd focus on a crack on the wall.  5 seconds later the intrusive thought would come back, and I'd find another crack (or floor tile or person or insect or cloud...) to focus my attention on.  Repeat as necessary (which it often was).

 

In time, I got pretty good at it.  My focus improved and I could hold those evil thoughts at bay for minutes to hours.

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I’m also stuck with an experience accrued 14 years ago, and it’s come up every single minute, no matter what I do, and it’s calm down by evening, but as soon as I wake up, it’s hit me and stick to me during the day!
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  • 2 weeks later...

Me too! I would like to know myself from where do these intrusive thoughts come. I've had them since day 1 of my taper, always violent and terrible ideas, that I cannot recognize as mine, they don't belong to me, even if I am the one who produces them...

I am a quite calm and peaceful person, with a wonderful and dear family. That's why these horrible thoughts always produces me anxiety and guilty feelings.

 

This is one of the last symptoms I have...

 

 

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After you stopped ct, how long until you recovered?

 

I am still recovering.  Each wave you experience makes you stronger.  This is part of the healing process. 

 

I learned not to focus on the time aspect since that usually leaves you in a disappointed state.  We all experience similar symptoms but the length of time is always different per person.

 

For me, healthy eating, clean living, and stress management is key until my CNS has healed

 

Hingie

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