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Polydrugged and now off Benzos For Two Months


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Hi,

 

I first want to say that we do heal and life does get better.  I am someone who was polydrugged, on benzos twice, and now off benzos for the second time.  I really do know now that the medication distorted my perspective and made me feel separate from myself.  I don't feel that way anymore. 

 

It's been two months since I finished a 22 month taper of Clonzapam.  I am feeling pretty well most of the time and feel  optimistic about life. I couldn't feel that at all when I was on benzos, and tapering, so I do know now, it was the medication.

 

This is a short post, I will go into detail at another time. But here are some of the basics.

 

22 month dry micro taper, cutting every other day, using a scale and metal nail file.  I tried different methods including compounding pills but it did not work for me.  I also tried cut and hold but that did not work either.  I found my method and stuck to it till the end.

 

I was on Clonzapam this time for 4 1/2 months after a terrible withdrawal from Lamictal and had also tapered off of Remeron before that. (I've been tapering meds for close to 6 years-my story-doesn't have to be your and for most of that time I was functional).  I had jumped too high off of the Lamictal and went into a cold turkey withdrawal. My anti-medication psychiatrist told me to take Clonazapm (that's a whole other story) and I was so sick, I followed her directive.  I tried to get off but I was too ill and ended up stuck on benzos, which did nothing for my sleep and Lamictal withdrawal.

 

I started to taper, made lots of mistakes like forgetting doses, getting misdiagnosed with Lyme, taking supplements for my adrenals And still made it off the medication.

 

Two things, among others, that really helped me continue tapering was to look up the side effects, not withdrawal symptoms, of Clonzapam. I saw that depression was one of the main side effects of the medication and even though I felt deep despair at the higher doses, I keep reminding myself that the medication itself was causing my crushing depression.

 

The second thing was that I worked with a benzo coach from Lucid Lane. We spoke on a regular basis or I should say I cried on a regular basis. I found it really helpful to talk with someone who understood my pain.

 

As I got lower, I started to feel better and get more functional. That occurred when I got to .5mgs and then as I moved lower, I felt the depression lifting and continued to feel better. I had feared that I would feel lousy all the way down but that did not happen and when I stepped off I was really okay though spacey.

 

Since I stepped off I have continued to feel better. I've had some minor ripples of symptoms of sadness but nothing compared to earlier withdrawal. My sleep is broken but I am getting between 5-7 hours most nights with an occasional sleepless night.

 

It was hard for me to believe that I would feel good again because of what benzos does to the brain. I thought I was the one who would not heal and I also thought I was actually a depressed person. Now I  know for sure I am not and I'm looking forward more healing going forward.

 

I will share some other things I did through my taper later but I'm mainly here to say that this does end and things do get better.

 

Special thanks to Welchie, Kgirl10, The LHSG members, and Waves on the Shore for offering me the hope and support to keep going.

 

Final Healing

 

 

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Congratulations! Thank you for your post. ❤️

 

You're welcome! Keep the faith and know that there are better days to come.

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I am really so glad for you , I'm so happy you are feeling better .

 

Thank you, I appreciate your words.  You are off too and I hope life continues to improve everyday.

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Final healing

My congratulations and I am really pleased to hear that you are generally feeling so well.

I am finishing my taper in a few days, also second time on benzos and polydrugged at one point during this withdrawal.

But so much better than four months ago. I can't wait to put the scales away now.

Best wishes

magga

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Final healing

My congratulations and I am really pleased to hear that you are generally feeling so well.

I am finishing my taper in a few days, also second time on benzos and polydrugged at one point during this withdrawal.

But so much better than four months ago. I can't wait to put the scales away now.

Best wishes

magga

 

Hi Magga,

 

To be honest, it was a strange feeling stepping off.  I had a variety of feelings and about a week before I stepped off. I cried my eyes out about everything I went though. 

 

Then the day I no longer took any more benzos, I was nervous but in the past month that I have had feelings of happiness and realization that I am off. Its been a gradual recognition that I am no longer in any psychiatric medication. 

 

So glad you are nearing the finish line. Yes, clearing off the table where I used to weigh my pills was very symbolic.

 

Look forward to hearing when you do step off.

 

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I'm pleased for you. I like your message that it's possible to make it to the end of your taper and for things to improve, even when things go less than smoothly. You're giving hope to the hopeless so I applaud you for that  :yippee:.
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Well done..!! You did a great job, and I think your post is a great example of a not so easy or simple taper done well, with all the challenges, trials and doubts that get navigated by many here..

May all your rewards continue to flow evermore..

:)

 

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I'm pleased for you. I like your message that it's possible to make it to the end of your taper and for things to improve, even when things go less than smoothly. You're giving hope to the hopeless so I applaud you for that  :yippee:.

 

Thank you. It's really true, I made mistakes and with a benzo brain, my thoughts were really amplified. But i got some great advice here and I'm going to track down the members name somewhere, who told me to jusr keep tapering consistently (and I used my body as the gauge) and not get too hung up on being so precise. This person was suggesting to be reckless but not to be so obsessed if my pill weight was slightly off.  For some reason that gave me comfort and I just decided to trust that as long as I was moving down slowly, my body would adjust.  And my body did.

 

I see you are off as well. Congratulations!

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Well done..!! You did a great job, and I think your post is a great example of a not so easy or simple taper done well, with all the challenges, trials and doubts that get navigated by many here..

May all your rewards continue to flow evermore..

:)

 

Thank you!  We do have to navigate this journey and for me, there was a lot of blind faith and operating in the dark. Finding people on this site and outside of this site who I connected to was very important.

 

I'm wishing you the same, that all good things flow to you as well.

 

 

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Thank you for your post. Congratulations!

 

"Lucid Lane".  I looked at their website and I see that they offer counseling services geared towards benzo recovery. How have I been on this Forum for a year now and never heard of them? Interesting.

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Thank you for your post. Congratulations!

 

"Lucid Lane".  I looked at their website and I see that they offer counseling services geared towards benzo recovery. How have I been on this Forum for a year now and never heard of them? Interesting.

 

Thank you! Lucid Lane is fairly new and has been in operation maybe 2 years at the most? I posted some information about them in the KlonopinKlub and when people reached out to me via PMs.

 

 

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For people in the UK there is a benzo withdrawal support service who offer one to one counselling and group therapy.

Their details are info@postscript360.org.uk www.postscript360.org.uk 

I highly recommend them.

 

magga

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For people in the UK there is a benzo withdrawal support service who offer one to one counselling and group therapy.

Their details are info@postscript360.org.uk www.postscript360.org.uk 

I highly recommend them.

 

magga

 

Thanks for sharing that information. I found having someone to talk to who had gone through it was very helpful.

I also formed a virtual.peer support group on Meetup with another benzo survivor. We meet on Zoom and you can find us on Meetup, we are called Benzo Hope.

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