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Hello, Young father tappering off.


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Hello,

 

Finally I decided to create an account on this forum. as im writing this My eyes shed to tears.

to finally not be alone in this.

 

Its been and still is hell with highlights.

Im a young father 32 yr old of 1.4 year old daughter and husband to a sweet lovely wife.

 

Im not sure where to start.

3 years ago I worked 3 jobs and stopped two of them down the line.

Wheres one was my mainjob generating the most income.

Meanwhile my wife and I got married by law. and started making plans to build a new home within a renovated church building.

wheres my father and mother in law life in the same building on the other side.

 

During this stressful planning time, My Wife and I got pregnant because she forgot to took her pills.

We did have a child wish although we imagined 2 years later down the line would be a good time to start a family.

although she did not come as planned we decided to keep her.

as if things had to go this way. at that time it seemed as a gift :D I guess she still is.

I started building and renovating on our new home, electronics, wooden walls, kitchen. my father in law also hired 2 construction workers to do the main walls and bathroom.

oh boy the stress and pressure to finish on time before my wife would give birth. and to make it beautiful. after the walls and bathroom was done by the construction workers I pretty much had to do the rest by myself with sometimes my father helping. which was 1 years worth of work total. Im known to be a guy to make my place cozy.

I did get the job finished but I went through a burnout in the meantime about 3 months after our daughter was born.

 

Being a bit proud having overcome social anxiety in the past,,, like 7 years ago I did not think I needed some form of mental assistance ever again in life.

Huge mistake.

 

In februari 2020,  3 months after our daughter was born I started having trouble falling to sleep. started to miss my own free time.

which I had refound in the night playing counter strike. (about 1 month in the corona pandemic too)

I needed a break finally from all the work at paid jobs, and rebuilding home after carrying for my wife during pregnancy.

Some serious troubles while trying to fall asleep came about, like heart skipping a beat and feeling less air too breath.

Yet I continued, then I started to get health issues caused by stress and anxiety. blown up stomach for 2months.

I started seeing the doctor about every week (which I never did before in my life, just visits for the few small things once a year or two)

Although  1 year prior to this and 1 year before that I did came to see her about physical condition starting to decline while running, swimming etc while also having more trouble breathing specially during the summer.

Went under some testing like ECG for heart, but nothing come out of it. apart from night time bradycardia.

fast forward to this blown up stomach thing she given me meds called metaclopramide.

I was worried about it but without thinking too much about the meds and checking with my wife I used them twice like prescribed. one before lunch one before dinner.

Oh boy. that night 7 hours later I was surprised by what later turned out to be tardive dystonia. also no erection, and 100% insomnia.

This happened last year in June. I could not sleep and when I went back to my doctor together with my father this time she did not believe me.

also my father did not help much, being a burnout survivor he only saw the burnout side of my story and I got send to mental crisis centre.

where they listened to my mental health issues and prescribed lorazepam 3 times 1mg. and 20mg temazepam for the night.

With twice a week appointments.

 

Well I tell you that day I decided to take 1 mg lorazepam first and see how it went.

I could sleep on it so I ended up taking 1mg during the day and 1mg before bed, not taking the rest of what I was prescribed.

they took the dystonia symptoms away at first couple of months.

Now almost 1 year later I fought hard so hard. and still am not giving up.

Im on 0.12mg lorazepam for the day and 1.5mg for the night.

Currently Im not experiencing much dystonia or any. so it does come back when I tapper off but also goes away it seems.

Which is good news.

 

Not going to list any more symptoms for now, nor the road I went down through trying to adjust within this as a father or the uncertainty that I felt about my symptoms.

I went through quite some tests whilst my story was usually put off as only mental problems.

Which was not the case, it was both a two way street.

till this day I only got diagnosed tardive dystonia this Januari 2021

Im still wondering about the breathing stuff.

I stopped smoking last October after about 20years of smoking with a 1 year break.

Also the past five years I was just smoking 5-7 cigs a day.

 

Meanwhile we moved away from father and mother in law about 1 month ago.

Doing 1 job currently as mailman 10hours a week. 4 days.

Am hoping to find a helping hand here for mental support.

Or lets say experiences the do's and don'ts.

what vitamines help or what test I should take before stopping seeing physical specialists alltogether. (which I do want)

also my psychiatrist wants to set me on a antidepressant for treatment and to help tapper off the benzo.

 

7 years ago I did take citalopram 10mg for my social anxiety but with the dystonia inmind and tinnitus im not sure if adding escitalopram is the way to go.

I thought about this myself before but after my med experiences Im fearful.

Its hard to say.

 

 

also sorry for the chaotic way of story telling, its quite a lot to write down.

thank you for reading to those who took the time!

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Hello Sirdeepfry, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Thank you for telling us your story, I can see you've had a rough time the last couple of years but you'll find support and community here.  It looks like you've been able to reduce the Lorazepam, but I'm not quite sure why you decided to get off the drug, were you experiencing unpleasant effects from it or wasn't it helping in the ways you wanted it to?

 

Whatever the reasons, we'll be happy to help as you reduce your way to freedom, can I ask what your taper has consisted of?  We suggest reducing your dose by about 5-10% every week or two depending on your symptoms, they should guide you.

 

I'll provide some links to help you navigate the forum but please don't hesitate to ask questions, we're happy you're here.

 

Pamster

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Planning your taper (Taper Plans)

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

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Lo thank you for your reply.

looking forward to getting some support.

 

I taper off with 0.25mg lorazepam pills cut in half 0.125mg

 

1st week with one day intervals

2nd week with two day intervals

3rd week on the new doses, no more intervals.

 

My biggest challenge is the night doses which is currently at 1.5mg lorazepam I think that is equivalent to 30mg diazepam?

 

I experience a number of symptoms some are not so bad while others are:

- Balance, 

- hypersalivation

- Increased sense of smell on some products till the point that you can taste it( nolonger is it till the point that I can taste them)

- Heart skips a beat

- Anxiety

- Black little dots in vision (although this I can reduce)

- Involuntary movement of jaw at rest (clonus)

- Involuntary movement of tongue (glad it is now little)

- lost weight

- Light Tinnitus

- poor blood circulation

- stuffy

- Tight Neck

etc

 

The stuffy feeling less oxygen specially notice it if the room is heated up or when cooking food above the gass stove.

Does that have to do with withdrawal ?

 

 

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Your symptoms sound very familiar, I'm sorry you're dealing with so many of them.  I've not experienced that last one although you can ask the wider membership if they have by starting a thread on the Withdrawal Support (during your taper), I'm sure you'll find someone who has.

 

I have a question about your dosing, I don't understand the intervals you mention, can you clarify?

 

Also, I'd like to understand what you mean by your nighttime dose being your biggest challenge, is this because its so big?

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Hi - Thank You for sharing and welcome to BB and the community.  You will find so much support here.

 

You definitely are experiencing w/d symptoms.  Pamster gave you great links and you will find great information for moving forward.

 

The half life is very short on the lorazepam and by skipping day’s you will feel it much quicker.  Generally a % reduction is smoother and going slower should help with less intense w/d symptoms.

 

Marie

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  • 2 weeks later...

Your symptoms sound very familiar, I'm sorry you're dealing with so many of them.  I've not experienced that last one although you can ask the wider membership if they have by starting a thread on the Withdrawal Support (during your taper), I'm sure you'll find someone who has.

 

I have a question about your dosing, I don't understand the intervals you mention, can you clarify?

 

Also, I'd like to understand what you mean by your nighttime dose being your biggest challenge, is this because its so big?

 

Pfhoe a lot has happened the past week.

 

Taper Schedule I did before was like this for lets say the day time dose wasw 0.25mg and I want to go down by 0.12mg.

 

1st week monday 0.25mg tuesday 0.12mg wednesday 0.25mg, thursday 0.12mg friday 0.25mg saturday 0.12mg sunday 0.25mg

2nd week monday 0.12mg tuesday 0.12mg wednesday 0.25mg, thursday 0.12mg friday 0.12mg saturday 0.25mg sunday 0.12mg

3rd week monday 0.12mg tuesday 0.12mg wednesday 0.12mg, thursday 0.12mg friday 0.12mg saturday 0.12mg sunday 0.12mg

 

 

With the nighttime dose I mean the following. its 12 times higher then the daytime dose.

I guess this started to give me interdose withdrawal symptoms as I was off the daytime dose for a few days. was proud of that but  along with some additional stressful events the past two weeks.

This did not last.

 

My heart I donno I dont think it was skipping a beat 1.5 week ago I think it was a heartcramp.

so now I am trying to hold this doses.

 

0.12mg at 11:00 Am

0.12mg at 17:00 pm

1.37mg at 22:00 pm

 

after two weeks and 1 week hold I might try this.

 

0.12mg at 10:00 Am

0.12mg at 14:00 pm

0.12mg at 18:00 pm

1.25mg at 22:00 pm

 

then hold that as day time schedule to further reduce the night doses as I go along.

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Hey there.  I tapered on Ativan for months.  I found if I didnt even it out during the day I got crazy interdose withdrawal symptoms.  To get better sleep I would split a dose as follows .3 in morning, .3 lunch, .3 dinner and then .5 at bedtime.  My symptoms cleared up when I split evenly.

 

Also a lesson learned for me:  go slow.  Like really slow.  I would not have completed a rapid 2 month taper.  I would have expanded the taper to at least a year.  I am paying for it now.

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Your symptoms sound very familiar, I'm sorry you're dealing with so many of them.  I've not experienced that last one although you can ask the wider membership if they have by starting a thread on the Withdrawal Support (during your taper), I'm sure you'll find someone who has.

 

I have a question about your dosing, I don't understand the intervals you mention, can you clarify?

 

Also, I'd like to understand what you mean by your nighttime dose being your biggest challenge, is this because its so big?

 

Pfhoe a lot has happened the past week.

 

Taper Schedule I did before was like this for lets say the day time dose wasw 0.25mg and I want to go down by 0.12mg.

 

1st week monday 0.25mg tuesday 0.12mg wednesday 0.25mg, thursday 0.12mg friday 0.25mg saturday 0.12mg sunday 0.25mg

2nd week monday 0.12mg tuesday 0.12mg wednesday 0.25mg, thursday 0.12mg friday 0.12mg saturday 0.25mg sunday 0.12mg

3rd week monday 0.12mg tuesday 0.12mg wednesday 0.12mg, thursday 0.12mg friday 0.12mg saturday 0.12mg sunday 0.12mg

 

 

With the nighttime dose I mean the following. its 12 times higher then the daytime dose.

I guess this started to give me interdose withdrawal symptoms as I was off the daytime dose for a few days. was proud of that but  along with some additional stressful events the past two weeks.

This did not last.

 

My heart I donno I dont think it was skipping a beat 1.5 week ago I think it was a heartcramp.

so now I am trying to hold this doses.

 

0.12mg at 11:00 Am

0.12mg at 17:00 pm

1.37mg at 22:00 pm

 

after two weeks and 1 week hold I might try this.

 

0.12mg at 10:00 Am

0.12mg at 14:00 pm

0.12mg at 18:00 pm

1.25mg at 22:00 pm

 

then hold that as day time schedule to further reduce the night doses as I go along.

 

It looks like before you were dosing a bit erratically, varying it from day to day, I hope you're not doing that anymore, we like to see a steady dose each day going in a gentle downward trend.

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  • 5 months later...

Reading this back..  :'( it was rough back then. Ive come a long way in this fight but its far from over.  MY will is strong.

Thank you everyone for supporting me in this time. I felt that specially towards you pamster thank you.

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I think looking back can be helpful because sometimes we don't feel like we're improving, in fact benzo's like to keep us thinking negatively about everything so I'm glad you dug your introductory post out to see how far you've come.

 

I know its a long road to recovery but when you get there you're going to feel such peace and gratitude, I still do even after all of these years.  :smitten:

 

 

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