I am healed

I posted a success story 2 months post benzo.  Now it is 5 months.  The 2 months was valid, however I am way farther along now!  I have absolutely no symptoms left!  I sleep so deeply.  I dream in normal ways.  I love feeling myself fall asleep and wake up.  I enjoy little things immensely like birds nesting outside my window, snow melting, shopping, walks and all the sensory that goes with them.  I started a full time job after 2 years off work.  It has a huge learning curve and masses of tech to learn.  I am grasping it quickly and quite easily.  My brain works well.  My memory and cognitive function is strong.  I work from home, but on the computer all day and in zoom meetings.  I have no negative fall out from that.  I enjoy the people and the work.  I eat well, and enjoy eating and cooking.  I am creative with fabulous energy for my hobbies.  I am hopeful.  I laugh easily, and a normal range of emotions that are not controlling me in any way.  I can plan and organize, and follow through.  I forgive myself for taking those benzos, I forgive my doctors for prescribing them.  I am simply happy and satisfied.  Life on this side is sweeter than ever.  Gratitude is the core feeling.  The memory won't leave me, because it was a painful journey.  However, it is just a memory now.  I know my own strength and resilience and courage, and that knowledge is so grounded in me.  Nothing can shake that now.  Life is what it is, and I know it can and will toss challenges at me.  I just know that having passed through this fire, I am a force to be reckoned with, have a heart of gold, and trust myself to make it through whatever comes my way.  Tomorrow is my 66th birthday and I haven't felt this well in a very long time.  I want you all to know, there is a beautiful life on the other side of benzos.  I promise you that.

Congrats Healing!

 

So happy for you, I hope to get there one day!

 

Happy birthday for tomorrow!!

 

Cheers,

Winnie

This is beautiful, Healing64! Thank you so much for sharing.

My heart is swelling with gratitude for your recovery, I'm so very happy for you.  Thank you for writing this inspirational success story, you've been an important voice of reason on the forum through your pain, thank you for sharing your joy, I've got a huge smile on my face.

 

Happy Birthday tomorrow, enjoy your day and the rest of your life, you've earned it. 

Pamster, thank you for being a constant source of support for me.  I am unsure if you really know how much you help.  You were one of very few people who responded to me and recognized that I was actually struggling.  I realize my tendency to look for the positives and not complain much made it seem I was not having too hard of a time.  I chose that tool because I know that over focusing on the hurt does not make the hurt go away.  I thank you for your authentic validation and faith in me.

 

I won't be hanging out in BB anymore.  Part of healing is letting go of the  traumatic reminders.  Part of healing is just getting on with life.  I am celebrating my birthday by allowing myself to do just that.

 

Everyone take care.  I am rooting for you.

I am so happy for you Healing!!!

 

Go live your life, you deserve it!

 

I hope to one day get there with you!

 

If you still have this email, I will PM you to let you know I made it!

 

Happy Birthday!

 

Winnie 

Congratulations healing x so happy for u x enjoy ur life xx

Healing64, I am so very happy for your recovery!!  Bless you for sharing your success and joy.

 

Kate   

What an inspirational story Healing.

 

Hearing about enjoying the idea of sleeping without medications is music to my ears. Way to go.

I'm at the beginning of my tapering story.  I'm still somewhat nervous about the journey and reading stories like yours help me stay hopeful.

I'm changing my habits at bedtime and seeing a CBT therapist about sleep tomorrow morning. That combined with NA meetings is helping.

 

Will see how this unfolds; nervously optimistic.

 

*Zolpidem/Ambien, 21 years 15 mg to 20

03/06/2021 stabilize to 15 mg

03/13/2021 to 13 mg

03/17/2021 to 12.5

So inspiring to hear! Congratulations! 

Congrats Healing and enjoy every day ! 

Great to hear the story!

I also forgive my doctors for being bats**t retarded. After my dealings with several of them, it makes me wish I would have gotten into the medical field, so I could run circles around them. What a pathetic bunch.

 

I am having more trouble forgiving myself for my stupidity. I've been always wary of drugs, but a week of insomnia made me cave in, and................that turned into 2 months of it. Huh. (more like 5 months actually, but the last 3 I've been able to manage it)

 

So happy to hear of your recovery though. I am getting there but not quite there yet to call it a success, at least for me. I'm hoping in a couple of months I have my own to tell.

Congrats! Go enjoy your new healed life. Have a blast! I'm sure I won't be too far behind you. 

Healing64 what a blessing to read your healed story!  Enjoy your new life! 

Wow, what a beautiful success story. Thank you so much for this, healing. You helped me more than you know when I started posting here. Thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. I hope you have a wonderful, fulfilling, glorious life!!

Healing64, I am so very happy for your recovery!!  Bless you for sharing your success and joy.

 

Kate   

 

Hi Kate... is there anywhere I can go to find out how you're doing now that you've been off benzos for 10 mos? Like you, I was a long term user and I'm so curious to know how you're feeling.

 

 

xoxo

Karen

 

experience strength and hope keep me going.

 

 

 

*Zolpidem/Ambien, 21 years 15 mg to 20

03/06/2021 stabilize to 15 mg

03/13/2021 to 13 mg

03/17/2021 to 12.5

03/25/2021 to 11 mg

Wonderful news! I pray I get there too one day :-)

I am so happy for you! Reading your story gives me hope I will be ok too. Thank you for sharing and Happy Birthday!!!!!!! 🎂🎉

Twbd

You are going to be okay.  You may face some hard days.  But you can do it.  Try to focus on healing, have healing mantras “ I am healing.  This is how healing feels sometimes.  I believe in complete healing”.  Rest and breathe.  Just breathe.  Lay low on big sensory experiences.  Stay calm and ramp up self care.  Detach from suffering and know it will pass.  We are strong like that 🙏

 

And everyone, please know you will heal.  You will.  I promise.  I took responsibility for my recovery by doing a lot of self love focusing.  I forgave my self for not grasping the problem.  But hey, benzos work so well at the start, then you’re dependent.  Fast sometimes.  So, no praise, no blame. 

Things I did to help myself heal:

Weighted blanket, not only when stressed.

Brief guided meditations

Sleep stories

White noise

Eye mask

Epsom salt baths

Breathe 4 7 8

Sleep hygiene and routines

Walks

Clean food, no caffeine

Walk away from stress when you can.  Don’t apologize.

Mantras for healing., run interference with ocd thoughts

Distractions

Acceptance

Therapy EMDR

Some supplements (not for everyone): amino acids, vitamin d, b, magnesium

Tart cherry

 

I feel the deliberate practice of self care kept me believing in healing. 

Bump