Short Time User Jumping

I had some sporadic and low dose use of Ativan from mid Nov - mid Feb, tapered  for a month and jumped March 15th (See signature). Total of about 25 MG during that time.

 

The last four days have been consistent with what I felt during the taper, maybe even a little better. I did have a great day on day 2. The jitters seems to have lessened but I did have some anxiety last night after my son started playing low music (that was surprising). Completely able to work from home which is my saving grace to put my mind to work. Weekends usually stink as my mind can wander.

 

Question: My mind continues to be confused as I don't know if it's the Ativan making me think a certain way or if it's the underlying condition or the Sertraline I am on.

 

For those who have recovered or have experience with the first week, any thoughts on when it was worst? Or if you felt/feel the same way about Ativan confusing your brain.

 

Keep wondering.....

 

A) Is the Ativan impacting my brain? OR

B) The doctors are right....I didn't take enough. The ongoing depression and Anxiety is not being impacted by Ativan. It's the original stressor. (Mixture of COVID stresses and buying a house).

 

 

 

My Taper experience....

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=252475.0

My go to response when members ask this is, it's the benzo.  Until you've allowed enough time to recover from this experience there is no way to know if it's the Sertraline, your depression, anxiety or original stress.  If your issues are any of the other things you're thinking about I guarantee that benzo withdrawal is exacerbating them.  Most members find that after this experience, what they used to consider anxiety is a piece of cake comparatively speaking.

 

The great part is you don't have to do anything but wait for the truth to reveal itself and I would absolutely allow yourself that time because your brain is still trying to convince you of worst case scenarios, this is what benzo's do to us.

 

I don't know if you've read this post and it may not apply to you since you were only on the drug a short time but many members find it comforting

Four Phases of Withdrawal-Where Are You?

 

 

 

 

Thanks Pamster. It’s sat, 5 days off and feeling about the same...maybe a little more anxiety. It’s all manageable but have anxiety about the unknown and withdrawn from wanting to do anything (as usual). No new symptoms so that’s good. Slept ok last night but ruminate in the morning.

 

Such a beautiful day today in new England so doing some stuff outside. Perfect day to call some friends and do things but want to feel better.

 

And yes, I read that post multiple times.

Day 7 update......

 

Good progress end of week 1. Over the past three days, things have gotten progressively better. And I have hope today (Day 7) which is the best thing that one can have.

 

- Fri/Sat (days 4 and 5) brought some mild anxiety, inner shakes and down mood. No worse than when I was taking Ativan but these were the worst days of the week. Did have some social anxiety seeing friends on Sat afternoon. I pushed myself to see them and was able to joke and laugh (although had a little anxiety on the inside). But still somewhat sad. Didn't go out at night as the day took a lot out of me.

- Sun/Mon felt like I am turning a corner. The low mood went away meaning I feel hope for the future. Went to dinner with kids and felt really good. Issue on Sunday was constant rumination about the house issues but able to look at the situation objectively and not get depressed. On Mon, woke up for the first time without anxiety in a while and feel pretty decent. My anxiety is under the surface but the anxiety filled thoughts of going to see people or going to the store aren't there which is great.

 

I know recovery is not linear but I appreciate the progress and hope this trend continues. At least I didn't have massive withdrawals right after jumping so hopefully that's a good sign.

 

Note that I took some Benadryl the last few nights which made me sleep great (it also calmed my nerves). Anyone else take Benadryl?

Fantastic update, I love that you're hopeful but understanding the healing process and tempering your expectations, I hate it when members get blindsided and feel all is lost when they get hit again. 

 

I've read many members discuss Benadryl, it agrees with most just give yourself a break from it from time to time.

Thanks Pamster. I am going to try to use the Benydrl similar to how I used Ativan.....sporadically at nights. And alternate with some Melatonin. Look forward to what this next week brings.

Bluelake - Thanks for sharing your story. I'm a short term user as well and just starting my tapering, so really love hearing your experience.

 

I did take Ambien before I started Klonopin, and wonder how much that might be impacting my difficulty getting off Klonopin. But I've been on Klonopin for 4 months now, trying to wean since 1 month. I started Sertraline 3 weeks ago and hope it'll help with the anxiety and weaning. And now, after reading this forum, I know I was weaning too fast before, so hopeful this time will be smoother, or at least I have a better understanding of what is happening and why!

 

Thus far:

- At .5 and .5 for 1 month - weaned to .25 during day after a month without much issue

- At .25 and .5 for 2 months... tried weaning twice from there (cutting 1/8 of night pill or cutting daytime out completely - huge increase in anxiety/insomnia so Dr. prescribed SSRI)

- 1 month ago Dr. put me back to .5 and .5 to get through increased anxiety of SSRI (tried Lexapro first for 12 days, but horrible side effects so switched to Sertraline 3 weeks ago)

- 6 days ago cut 1/4 of daytime (.375 - dry cutting using gram scale) - increased anxiety (but also found this forum same time which increased my anxiety!) but otherwise doing well

- Planning to drop another 1/4 (or maybe a little less) later this week if I continue to do well.

Day 9 update.

 

KlonopinQuitterinCO, keep up the path. I'm on my 3rd month of Sertraline and think it has helped. It was a little tough at first with increased anxiety and being tired but it evened out. Things will get better for you!

 

I am now on day 9 without Ativan (Weds). So far, so good. I continue to feel better.  All I can say is what a difference a week makes.

 

Yesterday(Tues) I felt like an 8-9 on mood out of 10 which is the best I have felt in months (Most days, I was a 3-6.) Felt almost completely normal and looking objectively at my life and how positive it is.  That cloud of doom has been lifted since Sunday so this is the 4th straight day without the doom/depressed feelings. Have been able to think how my anxiousness around our vacation home purchase has been overblown which is a signal my mind is working better. And I envision myself going there (It has been a trigger).  I do have a little inner anxiety today but completely manageable. I am having some inner energy which is making impacting my sleep (Hard to sleep before 2am the last few nights). I'm not sure if its the Sertraline or Ativan withdrawals.  It's not horrible so I'll live with that for now since my mind is getting better.

 

One thing is for sure, getting off the Ativan somewhat early has helped. I think back to when my anxiety was worst in Dec and had no clue that Ativan could be contributing to that anxiety. I feel for those that have suffered for so long getting 6-12 months into this drug before they realize its impact.  I felt like normal when I took it (works SO well) sporadically but not so great when off it....but didn't attribute those feelings to the Ativan at ALL. Ativan really clouds your reason.

 

I know I am early in the process so I am not counting my chickens before they are hatched. Hoping the progress continues and know there will likely be some tough days ahead.  But people like Pamster have been so helpful and reminding me that this is only temporary and things will get better.

 

 

So glad to hear bluelake!! Thanks so much for the support - I’m hoping I can get off this in a reasonable amount of time (hate weaning too slow for a 4 month use) but know I need to take it slower than I did and make sure I focused on symptoms based weaning. And I also now know what is ‘underlying anxiety’ vs withdrawal signs, which will be helpful as I wean.

 

I’m weighting my .5 pills (17g each) and was doing 12g the last week and took 11 today and will do that a few days, and if Ok go to 10g and then down the 8.5 over the next week or so, back to half pill during the day. And see how it goes from there.

 

Plus I’m hoping since I’m on week 3 of sertraline that it’ll keep increasing in effectiveness and help as I wean. Fingers crossed!!

 

So glad your wean is going so well and you caught on to what was happening early on!!

Day 11 update.

 

Improving every day and feel very good with motivation most of day. Almost feel normal. Very encouraging progress. The depressive piece has been gone the past 6 days!

 

However, I do have some consistent morning anxiety that has been ending by the afternoon. Not horrible but I notice I don't have as much motivation to do things. I get into the "I don't want to do that right now" mode as I'm anxious.

 

Falling asleep has been a little tough also.

Thanks bluelake, overall a good report except for the sleep which can go on awhile but you'll find your zone again and that morning anxiety is so typical but it should lessen as well. 

 

Morning is my favorite time of the day, sitting down with my cup of coffee, ah, nothing better. 

Day 12 update

 

Yesterday anxiety started but generally ok. Slept well last night but woke up with some anxiety worse than past few days but similar to when on Atv. Was able to distract by golfing today being able somewhat manage the anxiety. Now that I am done golfing, anxiety kicked back up to a 5-6 and brain is getting foggy and want to avoid all decisions.

 

So frustrating. I had linear progress the past 5 days feeling 80- 90% or better. Have to keep reminding myself “this too shall pass.” At least the depressive feelings haven’t come back.

Hey, its great you were able to go golfing and I'm glad to hear at least the depressive feelings aren't weighing you down right now.  What I like it that you can see the good even though you've taken a downturn from the last 5 days, glass half full is what will get you through this. 

Day 13 update.

 

Today was very much like yesterday waking up with a 5 anxiety around the vacation house purchase. Took a walk and came home to take a nap (even though I slept 10 hours last night aided by benydryl). I haven’t been to the vacation house for a month and I worry about it being a trigger when I go this summer (worrying about the worry). Of course, when I had the window this week and thinking clearer, I was happy about the house. Brain is totally confused trying to figure out the swing of emotions.

 

Not too much motivation to do anything today like the taxes which I have been procrastinating. However, by 5pm, started to feel better.

 

Let’s hope that continues for tomorrow.

 

Btw, now that I have jumped, should I use this board moving forward or another?

 

 

Good to hear your update and that you are doing well overall, and I’m sure the increased anxiety will continue to get better and better.

 

I’m on Zoloft too and found that I’m not as motivated to do things on it... I also sprained my ankle on Thurs so can’t do much, but find myself wanting to lay around a lot more than normal, unmotivated to do anything. So I wonder if some of that is Zoloft vs tapering? Or mix of both?

 

I’ve been continuing to slowly taper just daytime right now. Using a scale my .5 pill weighs .17g and I went to 12g (3/4 pill)for a week and did ok with some anxiety, but manageable, then did 11g for 3 days, did ok and now done 10t for 2 days and doing ok, beyond feeling more blah... although the sprained ankle doesn’t help! So I’m basically at 60% of daytime pill and hope to get to 50% soon. From there is where I struggled last time so will do 10% or less cuts per week and see how I do.

 

Hang in there! Sounds like overall you are doing well and healing and you are off these terrible drugs!! Thanks for continuing to post your updates - as another short term user they are very helpful to read through!

Thanks KlopinQuitterin CO,

 

Good to hear you are continuing to taper successfully. You will get through it.

 

Give the Zoloft some time. I had the motivation issues before the Zoloft so don’t think it is that. I do believe the Zoloft took the edge off but it Definitely took some time. Felt like crap the first 1-2 weeks but got better over time. Kind of leveled off at 6 weeks. Talking to doctor on Weds and may increase from 125 to 150. In ear Jan, my anxiety was a 5-9 and then went to a 2-5 after the Zoloft kicked in.

That’s great to hear on Zoloft! I’m on 50mg right now and he mentioned I could go up to 100mg if needed, especially while tapering, but doing ok right now and will give it another few weeks to fully kick in to know for sure. So glad to hear it helped a lot!

Saw that you also tried Buspar. How was that for you? Have seen a love/hate around that drug. Doctor had mentioned that might be something to consider for the anxiety to complement the Zoloft. Says that it is longer acting than Atv without withdrawal symptoms.

It didn’t do much for me, but I took it alone vs with an SSRI. It made me lightheaded for about an hour after I took it, but otherwise didn’t have any issues with it, and no issues getting off. But just didn’t seem to be very effective for the anxiety.

 

But I’ve heard better things when supplementary with an SSRI. So it could be worth considering. Although I’m guessing your anxiety will continue to improve as you get further out from the benzo weaning too!

 

Btw, now that I have jumped, should I use this board moving forward or another?

 

You can continue to use this thread if you like or start a new one in post withdrawal, wherever you're the most comfortable. 

Thanks Pam. Maybe I will just continue here since I have a lot of history already.

 

On the Buspar, I want to give it a little time before I take anything else. Tonight I feel pretty good after a semi down weekend. But if I get back to having a week like last week, that’s what I am hoping for.

I hope you don't have to add another drug but I'm glad you have options. 

 

I have a little mountain cabin that weighed on me when I was recovering from my experience, the responsibility of it terrified me, especially when I couldn't get up there when I was at my worst.  I couldn't drive the 200 mile round trip because of my fear and I couldn't shake the weight of it.  I kind of understand where you're coming from with your vacation home.  Everything will be so easy when you're past this, at least that's the way it happened for me.

Pamster, funny you had the same experience. The weight of managing that other house is overwhelming. Are you glad you still have the house? Mine still gives me anxiety thinking about it. And it's not exactly something you can easily walk away from which is what gives me the most anxiety.

Day 14 update.

 

I calmed down last night but today (Monday) had brought a constant anxiety of 5-6. Finding it a bit hard to focus on work. No major depression so that's a good sign. None of this is worse than when I was on the Ativan. Now the 3rd day of anxiety after having 4-5 really positive days.

 

Has anyone experienced having great days in the second week followed by a fast return of anxiety? It's just so puzzling.

Pamster, funny you had the same experience. The weight of managing that other house is overwhelming. Are you glad you still have the house? Mine still gives me anxiety thinking about it. And it's not exactly something you can easily walk away from which is what gives me the most anxiety.

 

The first time I made it up there while still recovering I wept, the fragrance of the pine needles baking in the sun, the blue sky and the feeling of homecoming was intense but oh so welcome.  Yes, I'm so grateful to still have it and manage it easily now, you won't regret holding on to yours when you get past this.