Severe wave 16 months out ... Needing hope

(I didn’t know if I should post this in insomnia or other medications. Insomnia has been my biggest remaining symptoms so decided to go with that.)

I’ve been benzo-free for 16 months and I think I’m in the phase 3 of healing with major sensitivities that I continue to discover. Since jumping there have been many waves off and on but overall a lot of improvement too.

For a month now however I’ve been in a horrific wave - insomnia (0-2 hrs/night), paresthesia, nerve pain, sound sensitivities, anxiety attacks. I haven’t had a wave this bad since tapering and it’s creating an huge amount of worry. The nerve pain stuff has been gradually getting better but the insomnia is still so fierce.

I think I might be having a reaction to a 2 week prescription of amoxicillin I was prescribed late January for a dental issue. I can’t think of any other trigger since all this began shortly after I took the antibiotic. Unless this just coincides with the timing of a horrible late wave in my healing. But can this happen this far out?

This feels like a huge set back and so many worst case fears are coming up. My main reason for posting is I’m in a bad spiral of despair and fear and looking to feel hope again that this will pass and I can still heal. I’ve slept great all my life until this benzo hell.

Barely functioning right now so thanks for help from anyone.

All we can offer is what's available to try:

1. Mirtazapine

2. OTC Antihistamines (Benadryl, Unisom)

3. Trazadone

4. Seroquel

(all the above are anti-histamines, with the OTC stuff being the safest, but weakest. IMO Mirtazapine being the 2nd safest.)

5. Cannabis (In the form of THC and CBD)

6. Supps that don't affect GABA, like Theanine, Lavender, Glycine, Taurine, Tryptophan, etc etc.

I’m not looking to take anything else. It’s too risky with my sensitivities and I really want my brain to heal on it’s own.

I’m just looking for hope from others when going through horrible waves like this. I’m in a really low place right now.

Yes, there's hope.

I had a late wave at 18 months off, insomnia mostly, where I had 4 zero nights and a lot of 1-3 hour nights over a one month period and that was after sleeping pretty well for 6 months.  I had the same thing happen again at 32 months off and again at 53 months off.  This past event (53 months off) is just starting to even out and has lasted 6 weeks now (I had 2 zero nights an a lot of 1 -3 hour nights....AGAIN)...and that was after sleeping well for 2 years!

Late waves, or setbacks or whatever you prefer to call them are not at all that uncommon.  I have heard from others that experienced the same things at 5 and 6 years off.

I used to rack my brain trying to "connect the dots" as to why these events happened, but I could never narrow it down or pin it to anything in particular.  So I just chalk it up to part of the process.

Hang in there, It will even out over time.  It always does.

Hi Kola Bear,

You sound really strong. Thanks for posting ... I'll remember for later if I go through this.

Hope you're finding hope! I've seen comments on here about antibiotic use, sounds like you know what happened. Riding it out one moment at a time is pretty darn hard in some moments.

Hang in there!

Kachina

Thanks so much for your feedback, ThEwAy2 & Kachina (And thank you too, Andros01, for trying to help).

It was really something to read about the waves that hit at 18, 32 and 53 months out. Though I was encouraged to know it’s not that uncommon for a hard hit after many months of feeling mostly OK, I’m sorry you went through those really tough stretches.

What I’m coming closer to realizing is how helpful I think it will be for me to try to accept the painful waves instead of fight them. This benzo journey is a crazy ride for sure and I know that the more I get upset or go into fear about how I’m feeling the more I’ll get banged up during the ride. But I’m grateful to know when I do go there I can come to the forum for this support. I’ve been having another difficult episode of pain and high fear this morning but I’m reminding myself it will pass.

Kachina, thank you for the kind words about being strong. I think we are all so strong. It takes everything we’ve got to endure all the withdrawal and recovery symptoms and unknowns of when it will be over. It was helpful to hear this from you as you reminded me that I do have an inner warrior I can connect with.

One day at a time, sometimes minute by minute. Grateful for this place to connect.

Thanks so much for your feedback, ThEwAy2 & Kachina (And thank you too, Andros01, for trying to help).

 

It was really something to read about the waves that hit at 18, 32 and 53 months out. Though I was encouraged to know it’s not that uncommon for a hard hit after many months of feeling mostly OK, I’m sorry you went through those really tough stretches.

 

What I’m coming closer to realizing is how helpful I think it will be for me to try to accept the painful waves instead of fight them. This benzo journey is a crazy ride for sure and I know that the more I get upset or go into fear about how I’m feeling the more I’ll get banged up during the ride. But I’m grateful to know when I do go there I can come to the forum for this support. I’ve been having another difficult episode of pain and high fear this morning but I’m reminding myself it will pass.

 

Kachina, thank you for the kind words about being strong. I think we are all so strong. It takes everything we’ve got to endure all the withdrawal and recovery symptoms and unknowns of when it will be over. It was helpful to hear this from you as you reminded me that I do have an inner warrior I can connect with.

 

One day at a time, sometimes minute by minute. Grateful for this place to connect.

I'm sorry I can't offer more. I was a short term user, and after 4 months, I am FINALLY starting to see signs of healing.

I don't want to offer advice to long termers, as it would not be right. But there are so many on this board with long term success stories, and they all say the same thing that I thought myself when I was in the worst of it:

"I'm never going to heal".

OMG how many times did that thought pop across my head. 2 months ago I thought my life was over. Today, I, for the first time in months, feel normal again, and I believe you will get to that point too.

Thank you, Andros, and no apologies needed. I am so glad you’re feeling better. It sounded like it was really rough for you too.

Reading your post just now was just perfect for where I’m at. For a month I’ve been in such a painful place. Last week it felt like I was making some good headway only to begin another week long nightmare with many thoughts about whether I can heal.

You are right. I will get to that place too and come out of this brutal wave and I’m so glad you reminded me of that. It was really helpful to read. Thank you!