I can't keep with this. So much stress I can't tolerate it. Need help

I'm reposting this I posted as a reply on another thread on the cold turkey & rapid withdrawals subforum because I'm desperate and I really need help, I need someone who understands me:

 

 

 

My doctor said me to jump at 2.5mg diazepam. Is this too much? That's half the pill. I could cut the pill in quarters and take 1.25mg two weeks more, but less than 1.25mg is impossible because I can't cut half of a quarter of the pill. My next appoinment is two weeks after the 2.5mg jump, so maybe I could tell her to rx me a smaller pill or liquid form, but I'm 100% sure she won't agree. And I'm too exhausted to do a liquid triatrion (I'm on 10mg right now, just imagine how I will feel when on 2.5mg, moreover considering that every cut is 2.5mg and that's more than the 10% advised, in fact when I will be on 5mg the cut will be 50%, that's too much).

 

What can I do? I don't want to keep the suffering much more and I prefer to do the jump sooner (jumping at 2.5mg, which will be the 15th of April) but I am worried. I can't stand the anxiety, the stomach and swallowing problems (the worst of all symtoms), the intense headaches, the cognitive fog and feeling dumb and not being able to think clearly, and all the stress and frustration I'm experiencing (plus I'm having double withdrawal because I'm also withdrawing from social media addiction). My life is a mess right now and I'm on a very deep hole and I have to work to escape this life situation but I can't because this cognitive fog and exhaustion. I can't do anything and it stresses me too much. My work and my passions are the same one but I can't do them because I can't think clearly and I can't do any mental effort, less even physical effort. The anxiety is huge and my parrot don't stop screaming and this is also driving me nuts. The stress of benzo withdrawal + stress of social media withdrawal + stress of messy life situation (can't clean, can't shower myself, can't socialize, can't travel, I live on a budget so I'm stressed because danger of being out of money and not having freedom, I don't have a car, I live alone and in a very small town in the middle of nowhere, I can't swallow food, almost any food give me bad reactions, etcetera) + the stress of needing to work to escape all of this + the stress of wanting and not being able to get into my passions and do everything I want to do....all of these stressors add up and I think this will end very bad. And I'm still on 10mg diazepam..... In fact that's my major source of anxiety: the fact that I can't control this withdrawal thing. The duration of the withdrawal is what it is and I can't do anything to change it. In an addiction, you are responsible of your behaviour, being sober depends of your decision to abstain. But in benzo withdrawal, you have to follow a schedule and you can't control it (only when holding, which makes the suffering even longer). And further even, it wasn't my fault to being put on benzos. Stupid doctor gave me xanax to see if it would relax a neck muscle spam I had, and even although the leaflet of the xanax says you can't take it for more than 3 weeks, the doctor kept me on it, until I hit tolerance and started feeling a nightmare. And what he did? updose it the double!! And after 6 months I was worse even and what another doctor did? Updose more than the double I was taking!! And now I have to suffer all this withdrawal because of them...... I have so much potential and so many exciting things on my future and they had to be posponed because of this incident and this gives me lots of anxiety.

 

Please I need a bit of consueling. If somebody reads this, please help me, I'm losing my mind. In another post I posted nobody replied...

 

(I edit to add: in social media withdrawal, glutamate cortisol and adrenaline go up, gaba and dopamine go down, that's why it worsens benzo withdrawal, but only lasts 3-4 weeks, and I already getting the benefits of being free (or "sober"), but not still out of the withdrawal phase)

 

 

 

If all of this weren't enought, I just tried to close the curtains and they fell off!! (the support piece broke) This is too much.....

 

We recommend cuts of no greater than 10%.  Many people make much smaller cuts.

 

In order to do a proper (slow) taper, you'll need a milligram scale.  They're available for around $25 from Amazon (GEM-20 is a popular one).

We recommend cuts of no greater than 10%.  Many people make much smaller cuts.

 

In order to do a proper (slow) taper, you'll need a milligram scale.  They're available for around $25 from Amazon (GEM-20 is a popular one).

 

Thank you so much. I will buy it and do a dry micro cut. I never considered it before, but this is getting so worse than I will go for it. You can't even understand how much I appreciate your reply.

I jumped from 2 mg Valium. I felt a LOT better only two days after the jump. Before that I was suicidal. 

Hey, i understand you ... We must belive that people get better, do what you can, in my case, that my particular case

since i jumped i needed a drug to help me with ocd and intrusive thoughts maybe i Will still need other drugs to keep on going and further when my gabaergic sys get a little better i Will bê able to stop them, Again thats my case

about work and everything, maybe you could try a temporary desability in the worst case ? Do what you got to do Man for your recovery, you Will have support here as Im having

Deniz

 

Why did you jump from 20mg , if i can ask?

 

xx

I'm doing well 

 

I wrote the opening post on a bad day. I have not had again such a bad day again, I've had many bad days but not so bad as when I wrote that, and things are getting much better, not perfect, not 100% healed at all, but improving at lot. I'm currently at 4,64mg diazepam this day (daily dry micro cutting). These last three days, I've been feelings things I have not felt since I was a child, although still not in the same intensity. I've been much more happy which is very awesome and unexpected and very hopeful and confident on the future, I notice myself smiling a lot, which haven't happened for years. Although I've started to have trouble to fall asleep, now I take hours to fall asleep and I'm very tense and uncomfortable on the bed, when I finally do, I dream a lot, and that means I'm having REM sleep, which is wonderful because the body only really rests and heals itself on the REM phase of sleep, which benzos and other drugs suppress, I wake up a lot of times in the night, but everytime I wake up I fall asleep again instantanealy, and I start dreaming again instantanealy, and I can remember the dreams and I'm dreaming a lot of thing of my past and my childhoold, which is also something that benzos and other things had been hindering. They mess with memory a lot. And yesterday, I had a moment when I felt I was becoming more smart and sharp. Things are improving, yeah, and you heal. Everybody heals.

 

I'm thankful that I'm on the group of the ones that start getting better when the doses get lower, but I'm also sure a bad wave will come again sooner or later. This is how this works, but I'm ready for that. Come on here wave, I will fight you 

Hi,

 

Valium comes in 2 mg tablets and the pills are scored.

Iqtys,

 

I really can relate to what you are feeling ( in your first post)

 

The fear of not being able to control this withdrawal thing. I feel like I’m in a bad nightmare and it gives me a lot of anxiety ! I feel trapped. I don’t want to suffer anymore.

 

Also the fact that I want to live to my full potential , I’m 33.

 

Glad you are feeling a bit better

 

X

Deniz

 

Why did you jump from 20mg , if i can ask?

 

xx

 

Carla, i knew i would reach a "Breakout", crisis point anyway, so why to keep taking It ? If i already knew that on some point of my taper i would  stop to function, i would start to feel so much of anxiety, fears and the whole ordeal of sx im feeling i would feel at some point of my taper

so i didnt wanted to extend this suffering, i preferred to feel the thud of stopping It that way.. its getting easyer but my suffering stiils , like i Said here prior and on some other posts of Mine, i could not stand this whole ordeal of sx without the drugs that IM currently on.. later, probably much later of my WD i Will bê able to Very slowly taper It

 

Hey iqtys- Man, bê aware of How rough is this process , they says that you heal lowering the doses, thats  statment is right ? If It is , the point for you to keep functioning its to taper only what its possíble (?) But anyway its a tought process and i wish you much perseverance and determination, to keep doing It, you understand me Bro , you must havee much of It on this process If your willing to make It in my m, and i wish you that .. you dont judge yourself and belive you can reach this ponint when you Will not feel so impaired by not taking a drug to keep functioning, this fórum Will help you If you willing to keep on track , its good to know your not having a só rough time