Feel like I can’t go on

If I keep going at the rate I am I’ll have 6 weeks. My sleep is pretty much non existent this week except for taking unisom. I don’t know weather to jump of keep reducing every week. The suffering is just too much. I don’t think I can keep this up much longer. Really could use you support today I’m absolutely heartbroken and struggling x

You could jump at this dose ... if you are psychologically ready.

Oh Kate Thanku for replying x I just don’t see the point in tapering any further. It’s as bad as it can get. I am a mess but with weeks to go it’s like what’s the point!

 

Insomnia is the worst sxs. U cannot get a break without sleep. A break is so important

Oh Shayna! I am heartbroken for you. It sounds like you might be experiencing acute-like symptoms. A thing I’m thinking... Ashton recommended jumping at 1 mg. I know many can’t do that, but you’re below that and I think it’s something to consider (as you obviously are). I’m here to talk if you need me. ❤️❤️❤️

Ashton recommends jumpting at .5.  I would keep tapering.  Keep us updated.  TG

@[Ki...]

 

@shayna, the end of a taper is often messy.  Mine was and I know so many people struggle at the end.  For me it was about that final, final goodbye to benzos.  So know that you may be squirrely at the end no matter which way you decide to go.

 

(((Hugs)))

 

Kate

Oh Shayna! I am heartbroken for you. It sounds like you might be experiencing acute-like symptoms. A thing I’m thinking... Ashton recommended jumping at 1 mg. I know many can’t do that, but you’re below that and I think it’s something to consider (as you obviously are). I’m here to talk if you need me. ❤️❤️❤️

 

Thanku kits. I’m going to consider it definitely. Definitely feels like acute xx

Ashton recommends jumpting at .5.  I would keep tapering.  Keep us updated.  TG

 

Thanks TG x big decision coz I know I won’t go back once I’m off.

@Kits, thank you for the back-up support from Ashton.  Great job!

 

@shayna, the end of a taper is often messy.  Mine was and I know so many people struggle at the end.  For me it was about that final, final goodbye to benzos.  So know that you may be squirrely at the end no matter which way you decide to go.

 

(((Hugs)))

 

Kate

 

Thanks Kate x I was expecting it I guess but now that I’m in it omg 😱

Shayna,

 

You can do this, you are one tough cookie!!!  Stay strong..

Thanks sea salt x acting like a bit of a pussy today tho 

 

 

You aren't getting better, we don't truly heal until after we are off. Jumping might be the right move, but are you ready for what may come once you do? If so, go for it! 

Nope not ready lottie. Every day I just think maybe this will magically just end.

 

I’m definitely not ready but some days I feel like slowly walking towards hell is worse than just sprinting to it and getting the hell out of there as soon as I can.

 

I know it’s gunna be bad. I’m just that unlucky. X

I know it's hard. And I know how desperate you must feel. But just stopping the taper where you are will really not fix anything.

 

Ashton did recommend jumping at .5. Not 1 mg. Nor .87. Just sayin'. Please think about this, Shay. imo this is a psychological decision. I don't think you are going to feel one bit better if you continue on down. I mean, you haven't. (And if you jump here, there's the horrible possibility that you may feel worse). BUT if you wait until .5 at least you won't beat yourself up for not following Ashton, for whatever that's worth. There's nothing worse than feeling worse and regretting your decision, as in: "Oh no, if I had only waited I might not be feeling so bad." So why not wait for .5. Plenty of ppl jump there. Write jump day on your calendar and get ready.

 

Just an fyi. I felt no damned bit different when I slurped down my last tiny bit of home brew.  Zero Day-1 was no different from Zero Day+1. You will most likely not feel better for awhile. How long is awhile? No one knows. My awhile took a few months before I lost the rotten headaches, the nausea, the dizziness, and the tinnitus. And I won't lie -- my insomnia continued and I had to deal with that. Sleep did not magically come back. Everyone's awhile is different. But at least you'll be done with taking your dose every day and you can look forward to feeling better. The biggest plus . . . it will be OVER! You're a fair bit younger than me and I have my fingers crossed that whatever lingering s/x you experience will go sooner than mine did.

 

My advice? Wait for .5 mgs. Just so you don't reproach yourself. Can you do that?

 

Best to you,

 

Katz

Thanks Katz x I can do that. That’s 3 weeks. I can do 3 weeks x what was ur jump dose?

Whenever you jump....it's just gonna suck. Plain and simple, because you are already so low that it is causing WD symptoms!

The question is, will continuing to taper slightly lesson your symptoms?....will jumping now cause your symptoms to get worse?

There is no way of knowing! It sucks!

 

One question though:

Are you able to function and do normal things right now?

If yes, then I would keep tapering if it were me.

If No, can't even function, then I would jump.

Because it's going to suck either way, but only you know how difficult your symptoms are right now.

 

I thought my inter-dose symptoms were bad...and they were... vomiting, insomnia, weight loss, respiratory depression, numbness in left hand and leg. So I thought it could not get any worse when I was Roid tapered)CTed from 2.5mg Ativan......I was wrong. It was infinitely worse.    BUT, that was a high dose of ativan.

You are much lower in your taper

 

Only you can decide, I'm so sorry!!!!!

Hey SB. I know it’s up to me, I wish it wasn’t sometimes. I wish Ashton was overseeing my taper.

 

I can mostly do normal things. Most days when I’m not crying my eyes out coz I haven’t slept I’m mostly functional. Insomnia is pretty much my only symptom now, but it is extreme. When I sleep I feel pretty normal.

 

I know I could be much worse. And I have been worse, I guess.

Shay, I tapered to zero. But I felt just as crappy when I jumped as I did about a month before. Looking back, I wished I had jumped at .25. Prolonging the agony did not help. At least I would have had the psychological boost of IT'S OVER!!!! Aaaargh.

 

Listen to your body. And your feelings. If you're done, you're done. And that last lingering s/x, your insomnia, will continue for awhile most likely, so be ready for that.

 

Yup, it's going to suck, as SB says. So ya gotta be strong, girlfriend. 

 

Katz

Yeah I know. It’s gunna be real hard. I wish it wasn’t but I know it will be. I just hope I don’t lose the plot from lack of sleep in the mean time

Shay, Katz is right, it is going to be hard for a bit.  Insomnia has been my biggest (and practically only) problem since jumping 6/2020.  Last summer and fall were rough.  This winter, the sleep thing has gradually improved so that in the last couple of months I sleep well 5-6 nights out of 7.  I learned that I can survive and even do that I need to do on very little sleep.

 

We're with you!

 

Kate

I just want to clarify for anyone that might come upon Shayna’s thread that the Ashton manual schedules for Valium do suggest jumping at 1 mg. That being said I know she later suggested .5 mg.

 

Shayna I hope you’re hanging in there. LY. ❤️

My doctor said me to jump at 2.5mg diazepam. Is this too much? That's half the pill. I could cut the pill in quarters and take 1.25mg two weeks more, but less than 1.25mg is impossible because I can't cut half of a quarter of the pill. My next appoinment is two weeks after the 2.5mg jump, so maybe I could tell her to rx me a smaller pill or liquid form, but I'm 100% sure she won't agree. And I'm too exhausted to do a liquid triatrion (I'm on 10mg right now, just imagine how I will feel when on 2.5mg, moreover considering that every cut is 2.5mg and that's more than the 10% advised, in fact when I will be on 5mg the cut will be 50%, that's too much).

 

What can I do? I don't want to keep the suffering much more and I prefer to do the jump sooner (jumping at 2.5mg, which will be the 15th of April) but I am worried. I can't stand the anxiety, the stomach and swallowing problems (the worst of all symtoms), the intense headaches, the cognitive fog and feeling dumb and not being able to think clearly, and all the stress and frustration I'm experiencing (plus I'm having double withdrawal because I'm also withdrawing from social media addiction). My life is a mess right now and I'm on a very deep hole and I have to work to escape this life situation but I can't because this cognitive fog and exhaustion. I can't do anything and it stresses me too much. My work and my passions are the same one but I can't do them because I can't think clearly and I can't do any mental effort, less even physical effort. The anxiety is huge and my parrot don't stop screaming and this is also driving me nuts. The stress of benzo withdrawal + stress of social media withdrawal + stress of messy life situation (can't clean, can't shower myself, can't socialize, can't travel, I live on a budget so I'm stressed because danger of being out of money and not having freedom, I don't have a car, I live alone and in a very small town in the middle of nowhere, I can't swallow food, almost any food give me bad reactions, etcetera) + the stress of needing to work to escape all of this + the stress of wanting and not being able to get into my passions and do everything I want to do....all of these stressors add up and I think this will end very bad. And I'm still on 10mg diazepam..... In fact that's my major source of anxiety: the fact that I can't control this withdrawal thing. The duration of the withdrawal is what it is and I can't do anything to change it. In an addiction, you are responsible of your behaviour, being sober depends of your decision to abstain. But in benzo withdrawal, you have to follow a schedule and you can't control it (only when holding, which makes the suffering even longer). And further even, it wasn't my fault to being put on benzos. Stupid doctor gave me xanax to see if it would relax a neck muscle spam I had, and even although the leaflet of the xanax says you can't take it for more than 3 weeks, the doctor kept me on it, until I hit tolerance and started feeling a nightmare. And what he did? updose it the double!! And after 6 months I was worse even and what another doctor did? Updose more than the double I was taking!! And now I have to suffer all this withdrawal because of them...... I have so much potential and so many exciting things on my future and they had to be posponed because of this incident and this gives me lots of anxiety.

 

Please I need a bit of consueling. If somebody reads this, please help me, I'm losing my mind. In another post I posted nobody replied...

 

(I edit to add: in social media withdrawal, glutamate cortisol and adrenaline go up, gaba and dopamine go down, that's why it worsens benzo withdrawal, but only lasts 3-4 weeks, and I already getting the benefits of being free (or "sober"), but not still out of the withdrawal phase)

I'm sorry you are going through this but there is great advice from everyone. I agree that waiting to .5 to jump is probably going to be better than stopping right now. I know it all sucks but three weeks isn't that long and then you can know that you did everything as best as you could and after that, you will have to let the chips fall where they may. Sending you love and healing! 

My doctor said me to jump at 2.5mg diazepam. Is this too much? That's half the pill. I could cut the pill in quarters and take 1.25mg two weeks more, but less than 1.25mg is impossible because I can't cut half of a quarter of the pill. My next appoinment is two weeks after the 2.5mg jump, so maybe I could tell her to rx me a smaller pill or liquid form, but I'm 100% sure she won't agree. And I'm too exhausted to do a liquid triatrion (I'm on 10mg right now, just imagine how I will feel when on 2.5mg, moreover considering that every cut is 2.5mg and that's more than the 10% advised, in fact when I will be on 5mg the cut will be 50%, that's too much).

 

What can I do? I don't want to keep the suffering much more and I prefer to do the jump sooner (jumping at 2.5mg, which will be the 15th of April) but I am worried. I can't stand the anxiety, the stomach and swallowing problems (the worst of all symtoms), the intense headaches, the cognitive fog and feeling dumb and not being able to think clearly, and all the stress and frustration I'm experiencing (plus I'm having double withdrawal because I'm also withdrawing from social media addiction). My life is a mess right now and I'm on a very deep hole and I have to work to escape this life situation but I can't because this cognitive fog and exhaustion. I can't do anything and it stresses me too much. My work and my passions are the same one but I can't do them because I can't think clearly and I can't do any mental effort, less even physical effort. The anxiety is huge and my parrot don't stop screaming and this is also driving me nuts. The stress of benzo withdrawal + stress of social media withdrawal + stress of messy life situation (can't clean, can't shower myself, can't socialize, can't travel, I live on a budget so I'm stressed because danger of being out of money and not having freedom, I don't have a car, I live alone and in a very small town in the middle of nowhere, I can't swallow food, almost any food give me bad reactions, etcetera) + the stress of needing to work to escape all of this + the stress of wanting and not being able to get into my passions and do everything I want to do....all of these stressors add up and I think this will end very bad. And I'm still on 10mg diazepam..... In fact that's my major source of anxiety: the fact that I can't control this withdrawal thing. The duration of the withdrawal is what it is and I can't do anything to change it. In an addiction, you are responsible of your behaviour, being sober depends of your decision to abstain. But in benzo withdrawal, you have to follow a schedule and you can't control it (only when holding, which makes the suffering even longer). And further even, it wasn't my fault to being put on benzos. Stupid doctor gave me xanax to see if it would relax a neck muscle spam I had, and even although the leaflet of the xanax says you can't take it for more than 3 weeks, the doctor kept me on it, until I hit tolerance and started feeling a nightmare. And what he did? updose it the double!! And after 6 months I was worse even and what another doctor did? Updose more than the double I was taking!! And now I have to suffer all this withdrawal because of them...... I have so much potential and so many exciting things on my future and they had to be posponed because of this incident and this gives me lots of anxiety.

 

Please I need a bit of consueling. If somebody reads this, please help me, I'm losing my mind. In another post I posted nobody replied...

 

(I edit to add: in social media withdrawal, glutamate cortisol and adrenaline go up, gaba and dopamine go down, that's why it worsens benzo withdrawal, but only lasts 3-4 weeks, and I already getting the benefits of being free (or "sober"), but not still out of the withdrawal phase)

 

I'm sorry you are suffering. I would advise you to write a shorter question and be clear on what answer you are looking for and maybe post that question on the withdrawal support board. If you ask too many things at once it is more difficult to answer. Personally I feel that 2.5 is way too high to jump. I would keep tapering if possible. I'm on a different benzo so I can't help you with how to cut the pills smaller but you could also ask that question.

Thanks Kate x another zero night. Feel physically ill x omg