Fear for the first time!

Since about the middle of January, I have been in an awful wave

of unrelenting flu like symptoms.  Headaches have not been quite as bad, but the overall feeling of being quite ill has me feeling scared!  Blood tests done about three weeks ago show nothing unusual.  I did have a radio frequency ablation three weeks ago on my neck to give me some relief from the constant head burning and aches.  Did receive my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine last Saturday, so four days ago.  Nothing else has changed!  I am at 11.25 months from my Valium 5 mg taper.  I was having pretty consistent windows in most of my other months, so this long wave is really scaring me and creating all sorts of health issue concerns.  Please weigh in if you can....thank you!

It doesn't sound like anything more than what we consider normal in this messed up world we inhabit. I'm glad you've had tests that show nothing unusual, that has to be some comfort.

 

It must be disappointing to feel like you're going backwards but try to remember how this nonlinear, unpredictable, up and down process can sometimes knock us off our stride. It doesn't mean you're going backwards really, you're still getting closer to the day when you can put this behind you. It's just one of those tedious/frustrating/sickly phases. Not pleasant for anybody that has to go through it.

 

Probably the feelings of fear are more chemical than psychological and are part of this wave. If you can try to just recognise it as a feeling and not put a label on it, that's not too easy to do but it's what to aim for. You don't have to hone in on something that you're fearful of and you can ignore your brain's chattering to try and put a label on the fear. You can just accept that this feeling hits you sometimes and that should make it go away sooner. When we feel fear, we instinctively scan for reasons, but in benzo withdrawal the reasons we come up with are quite often false and exaggerated. So reassure yourself that it's normal for the situation you're in and don't feed the fear by giving it too much weight. Easier said than done, I know.

Hope things soon improve GG, at least you've had some Windows, rather than just waves like me. It does very unpredictable the waves and Windows pattern. I just feel in limbo like someone just put a block on my brain so it can't heal anymore. Just counting down to end month when we can see people in our gardens, been 4 months of house arrest this time. I've not really had physical symptoms so don't know much about the benzo flu sorry. Have you read Baylissa's book it is quite helpful.

 

I've heard more than one person say that when they approached a big milestone such as one year off benzos (or any substance) they had a surge of anxiety and fear.  I suspect this has to do with the reminder of where we were and what we've gone through over the past year.

 

Anyway, perhaps that upcoming milestone has you feeling a bit at loose ends?  If so, perhaps there is a growth opportunity in it for you.

 

Kate   

Thanks to each of you for your thoughtful and informative remarks!  The support we fellow benzo buddies receive in our darkest of times is invaluable!  And, in the best

of times, we can celebrate each other’s victories and celebrations!  Where would we be without this forum to go to......I hate to think!  I hope each of you is having the best day you can possibly hope for :thumbsup:

Leann, yes I have read Baylissa’s book and enjoyed her story so much, that I reread it recently.  I also listened to one of her broadcasts yesterday about the fear of going backwards in our withdrawal....she has such a soothing voice!  I hope your weather is as nice as ours is here in Virginia...very spring like and a breath of fresh air to warm the soul and body.  I hope you can enjoy getting out and about to view the spring bulbs bursting out of their winter beds😀😀😀.  Here’s to some well deserved windows for you

Hi Kate08.  I just noticed that you did a six month taper off of Klonopin?  Wow, you are certainly doing well and radiate such positivity that we need to clone you, so everyone on these boards can benefit from your warmth and compassion!  Happy for you

Leann, yes I have read Baylissa’s book and enjoyed her story so much, that I reread it recently.  I also listened to one of her broadcasts yesterday about the fear of going backwards in our withdrawal....she has such a soothing voice!  I hope your weather is as nice as ours is here in Virginia...very spring like and a breath of fresh air to warm the soul and body.  I hope you can enjoy getting out and about to view the spring bulbs bursting out of their winter beds😀😀😀.  Here’s to some well deserved windows for you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glad you are having nice weather. It's horrible here, misty, grey, gone really cold here like winter , last week was quite Spring like. Yes think when it warms up will feel bit better, so bored with lockdown and the grey weather doesn't help. Hope your benzo flu soon eases. I just seem to be stuck at moment, not getting worse but not improving, just want bit more progress after 2 years!

Hi Kate08.  I just noticed that you did a six month taper off of Klonopin?  Wow, you are certainly doing well and radiate such positivity that we need to clone you, so everyone on these boards can benefit from your warmth and compassion!  Happy for you

 

 

Such kind words from you Gardenguru, thank you.  I actually feel better off benzos than I had felt in a long time.

 

Kate