5.5 months since last Klonopin- still slight metacognition/introspection

Hi folks, well it seems I just cant seem to get back on autopilot thinking where the day just goes by like it did pre-benzos. I have good days when I'm super busy with work on my computer, but when I'm idle (watching tv, doing nothing), I think about how I'm currently thinking. It's like I'm aware that my brain is being used. I know I posted about this before I guess it just makes me wonder if this is still withdrawal or if it's just something I'm doing/making my brain obsessed with. I just accept it but it's just a ever so uncomfortable feeling and I dont know what else to do. I feel like benzos have changed my way of thinking forever and have just given me this annoying and bizarre OCD hyperawareness/permanent introspection/metacognition that will never go away. It's just scary when an automatic bodily process seems so difficult and weird.

What I can say is that when I went back on Klonopin after getting off the first time, is that a lot of the torturous thoughts disappeared.  When you don’t feel well, and I don’t care what the illness is, over time, instead of thinking outward, a lot of the thinking turns inward.  I imagine this is what you are going through, along with the fact that getting off benzos creates OCD in a lot of folks. 

 

The problem with getting off benzos is that you don’t feel well for a long time.  It’s relentless.  So the negative or unwanted thoughts can get put on a loop until we start feeling better, and then the loop starts to unwind.

 

I know a couple people who have basically been bedridden for many months due to chronic pain and illness.  They ended up in poor psychological states because they got stuck with their thoughts and a feeling that it would never stop.  They got better but it took time.  Even when I’ve had a week-long flu in the past, everything sucked but I knew I would be better in due time.  That’s the hard thing with benzo withdrawal.  It just feels like it’s never going to end.

 

 

 

 

Exactly. And its one of those things that since it involves the brain, there's no way to know when or if it will heal. you can't go in to your brain and fix it or adjust it or touch it like any other physical "injury". What concerns me is that I was a short term user as well. (4 weeks of low dose xanax and klonopin but every day). I also get the "what if i'm actually healed and this me being psychotic for no reason" thought but I guess you just never know. In a way, total acceptance and knowing that I am in no danger makes me feel better in the moment, but deep down I know I want it to go away. Very very weird mental state.

I deal with monitoring my messed up thoughts constantly and constantly observing my thoughts. You're not alone.

Going through that again as well. Just recently fell into a wave and it's all the same. Constantly forced to ruminate and monitor on my thoughts, makes you feel insane. Just part of the crazy healing, I guess.

Going through that again as well. Just recently fell into a wave and it's all the same. Constantly forced to ruminate and monitor on my thoughts, makes you feel insane. Just part of the crazy healing, I guess.

Hope its Just the injury of benzos, im always analizing my thoughts, then the feeling of unwellness makes you feel bad, frustrated, and It goes on in a loop, you distract a bit, but stills there , Hope we can get better From this.. in my case i was having só much suicidal ideation im needing an Ad to Cope, Hope some buddies could relate and give some help too ,