21 weeks and things can turn around

Dear friends,

 

I just want to use this post to thank everyone who reached out to me when I was struggling and thinking of reinstating. I acknowledge that the struggle could happen again, but also want to report some really good news.

 

Right after I wrote in despair, suddenly my chemical anxiety started lifting. Over the past week, I had a couple of bad days, but most were pretty good. I haven't had any chemical anxiety spikes (sudden feeling of overwhelm, akathisia, fear lasting 1-2 hours a few times a day), in three days and only had them 2 of the past 7 days.

 

I still do wake up 3-4 times in the night with some anxiety spikes, but they go away in a few minutes. I only get about 5 hours of broken sleep unless I take mirtazapine, but this makes me so groggy and depressed that I am not sure it's worth it (and I only take 1.65mg!). I still feel a bit overstimulated, so I don't do a lot yet. This is going down too, though, and I feel more and more like myself during the day. I don't have a lot of other mental symptoms except for this fear that I might go crazy if I do anything, so I sit sort of paralyzed a lot of time. I suspect this will go down as I learn to trust that the chemical anxiety has indeed healed.

 

My physical symptoms have been few, but they are going away too. I had a symptom where my face and ears would get hot and painful, like neuropathy, usually in the middle of the night and morning. This is almost gone. I had scalp tingling, also mostly gone. I have a weird thing where I get tingles up and down my legs and arms and sometimes body - almost gone too. Benzo belly comes and goes still. Everything still sounds a bit loud, especially my own voice.

 

My healing has been somewhat linear. Symptoms tend to drop off over the course of a week or so never to return. They do fluctuate during the drop off. The weeks when no symptoms are going away are the hardest, but even this has not happened in a while. Keeping a journal helps a lot.

 

I still have night windows but they are even better. Instead of laying around just feeling glad not to have anxiety or head crushing chemical pain, I actually feel like me. I feel joy, I laugh, I listen to music, talk to my family and pet my cats. This is new and it is wonderful.

 

I don't know how close I am to complete healing, but I am sure thankful for everyone who has supported me through this rough period. I am also really grateful for everyone who talked to me about the pros and cons of reinstating. I am glad that I didn't.

 

Thank you wonderful friends!

fluffernutter123, this is excellent news and so heartwarming to hear!!  Thank you for sharing it with us.

 

Kate   

Good news, hope it continues to get better and healed soon

This is wonderful to hear fluffernutter, I guess its darkest before the dawn.  I'm glad you posted this so you can refer back to it if you get feeling rough again, good move. 

Best news I have heard all day!  So happy for you and may your healing continue on an upward trajectory :smitten:

This is great news, flutter! You're getting there. Keep the positivity going. Keep going forward. This made me smile when I read it. Hugs to you.

This is really great news fluffer!!! There are changes taking place! U are getting there honey stay strong 💪🏾

So glad you did not reinstate as this would have only delayed your healing. 

 

Just keep pushing forward...yes, you will have bad days, but there will be good days too.  And just when you think you have it figured out and know what brings on a wave, your body will throw you a curve and make a fool out of you!  Just accept it and wait for the window to reopen. 

 

All the best to you!