Hello - new and have some questions

Hello -

 

I have my medication history in my signature. I have been “holding” (for me this is being scared) and have been taking 0.25 mgs of Valium for a year. I got to the end of a pretty ok Valium taper after a horrid CT off of Ativan and just couldn’t bring myself to drop that last dose. I feel VERY silly about this seeing how many people are strong enough to jump. I guess I am wondering do I taper further or just stop. I’m quite embarrassed about this and haven’t really talked to anyone about it, except for my

Doctor who is lovely and tells me he has no issues prescribing such a low dose and will help me with whatever decision I make. Thank you 

Hi Blessthismess

 

I can totally relate to the fear of coming off altogether. I am terrified and there is no way I am even going to attempt to do any sort of jump. I decided that as I started to down the last 1mg.

 

There is absolutely nothing at all to be embarrassed about. Valium is a hell drug and when you get the hard waves and crash it is completely normal to want to avoid more. I am scared of whether I will crash again when I am completely Valium free so I am going to take it very slow and wriggle off at the end. No jumping for me!

 

I'd think about tapering down further a little at a time. I think I will swap from cutting 0.1 per week to 0.05 when I get a bit lower. You might want to think about that or even do a microtaper. There are a lot of people doing that so plenty of information on here.

 

The symptoms from cuts at these low doses are real. My body is super sensitive to the drug. Bravery doesn't come into it. It's self preservation. Jumping is not for everyone. A slow and steady taper off the last bit with your head held high. Nothing silly about it.

 

Sending hugs 

Roxy

Thanks so much for the lovely words, I really appreciate  you taking the time to respond. I am very sensitive too, and I guess the trauma of that CT in 2018 is still very visceral to me. It was truly horrendous and I don’t think I could handle something like that again. I think it’s good idea to just take it slow but still an end in sight, but not with the fear of a jump, more like a stroll. Thanks for the kind words

 

Hi there.

 

First, I'm really glad to see that you're down to such a low dose and that you have a supportive doctor.

 

Second, I'm going to point out what is probably obvious to you, which is that this is a psychological problem by now. There's no shame in that, it's what this experience can do to us. Anyway, it's a good thing that it's a psychological issue, because the solution is less complex. I'm glad you felt you could post here because there's no real need to be embarrassed. It's OK to feel a bit silly. It's OK to have played it safe due to you understanding the consequences of going too fast.

 

But I want to tell you that jumping off now will not be anything like the cold turkey from before. If you've been on 0.25mg for so long, you have already done the hard part. I jumped from 0.25mg after a steady taper and didn't even notice the difference. I think that jumping now could be the best thing you ever do. Get that monkey off your back. Perhaps a way to do it is to agree with your doctor that it's time to jump, but on the understanding that he'll prescribe again if after a month (say) you regret it. However, I think it will be fine, because you're taking practically zero Valium already and have been for some time.

 

I think that the feeling of embarrassment is probably just you realising that you're ready. I hope you can find the courage to do it, because I think that your life will improve when you do. Good luck 

Thank you for those kind words. Yes you are 100% is psychological BIG TIME. The sheer terror from

The CT is etched in my brain and I still get flashback of it that scare me. It was truly something that I will never forget.

 

I really like how you put it, that I’ve already done the hard part , that really resonates with me. I need to talk to my doctor and have that agreement in place for sure just to ease the anxiety. I have Valium left too so if shit does hit the fan, I can always go back on that dose. I thank you for you kind words 

It sounds like you’ve done the hard part.  I would think that if you cleared your schedule for a couple weeks, it would provide a good opportunity to jump.  You can rest, see how you feel and hopefully get off with no problems. 

 

My doc who is fairly benzo-wise has said you can start alternating doses every other day. I know cutting 2mg Valium pills smaller than .25mg can be challenging.

Thank you. Nice to know the hard part is done. I have my Valium in liquid (1mg/1ml) so I’ve just been using a tiny syringe to measure it out. I can’t clear the schedule unfortunately, but I am working from home so I can always rest while working if need be. Thank you for the encouragement. I might try getting myself down to 0.10 mgs over the next month. Still thinking

I'm really pleased to have helped. Your reaction confirms to me what I suspected, that you are indeed ready.

 

Lots of people actually feel a sense of relief and even excitement to be benzo free. It's quite common for people to feel like they're floating on air, so the challenge unexpectedly becomes not getting carried away. It's not all bad at all and I really think you've done the hard yards. I hope that you'll come back and post in Post Withdrawal Support if things ever get a bit too much. It might be that this is done in two phases where first you stop taking the medication and then you throw the medication away when it feels safe. At that time, it might be that you need to do some work on your psyche. Hopefully your doctor is there to help but there are lots of people here who know what they are talking about.

 

Sorry that you're still traumatised. I can promise you that this gets better the more distance you have from the med. If you can drop it now and everything is fine, then you'll be able to move on without the daily reminder of taking the same poison that hurt you. Life gets easier with time after we put these pills behind us. You've got the right attitude and you're going to be fine 

Thank you! I am seeing my doctor today and am going to discuss this with them. Thanks