No more pain

Today is probably the worst I have Been in months.

 

I seriously Am not sure where I will find the strength to get through this day.  I continue To pray and this wave is just relentless.

 

I have No motivation to help myself which makes this all so much worse.  When do we heal?

 

:*(

 

I just Cant take this anymore...

Me too, been in bed crying, had 2 years of this crap, wondering if it will ever end. Feel like I'm in acute again. Starting give up hope of recovering. So sorry you are going through it too xxx

Same boat here....waiting to hear from neurologist re another test...MRA to check if I have any artery blockages that would cause my horrible headaches.  Feels like acute days!

Oh gosh my fellow BBs.

 

I did some meditation and ate a nice breakfast, put some ghee on my rice flour and Millet toast that seems to be calming to me for some reason. 

 

I have given up the past few days...eating cookies and bowls of icecream.  I just stopped caring about myself.  I stopped doing yoga too.  I promised Myself last night that I was Going to help myself today.  This morning was BRUTAL, my mind was spinning so bad I could feel the tension building on my head and chest.  But I forced myself with everything I had In me to get into the bath.

 

Then I put On my diffuser with some lavender.  Then I logged into zoom and sat through a guided mediation.  Am I well.  Nope.  But I feel much better.

 

I’m sipping my Yogi Ginger tea that I love, so yummy and warm.

 

Something has to give BBs...it should not have to be this hard.

 

❤️🙏❤️

Glad you are feeling bit better. I just get hit by awful waves some days just cry and everything feels hopeless. I agree shouldn't be this brutal, and after 2 years I should have had bit improvement and a day without anxiety. Hopefully next day be better for us all. You are lucky to be able to meditate sure it's beneficial, I just struggle with it, but well done for doing it.

Happy for you, Fiercelady, that you are having a reprieve!  I cut out the decaf this morning and my head is not as bad!  Did 10 minutes of floor bike ride, so feel like I am helping myself a little bit today!  Yesterday in bed all day feeling like crap!  Leann, hang on to us and we will hang on to you....we will all hang together!

Thanks GG will do. Is it just in withdrawal you got the headaches. I used get lot migraines not so much now. I get bad sinus headaches since withdrawal. I had prescription pain killers but can't take them over certain age. I sympathise bad headaches are awful I just used go to bed in a darkened room.

I ended up with a wicked headache today after my therapy appointment.  I have Been a mess all day off and on.  So happy to now be in somewhat of a window.  I just Seriously can’t make sense of this anymore.

 

Yeah GG lay off the decaf.  Get some nips coffee flavored candy to calm the cravings. I cant Tolerate decaf at all, only herbal tea right now.

 

Leann,

Hang in there.  Ugh...I know What you’re going through as I live it.

 

I’m going to try Russian peptides for nervous system Ceroluten.  Look into it and let me hear your feedback.

 

❤️

This Benzoland journey is without a doubt the weirdest trip ever!  After feeling like total death warmed over for about five weeks, I got up this morning after a pretty good night’s sleep, had a healthy breakfast without the decaf coffee, and slowly started my day.  After a couple of hours I noticed that I had no burning or tingling in my head.  So I did about 10 minutes on my floor mini bike, and then rested for an hour or so.  Still felt pretty good, especially after feeling awful yesterday.  Then I helped my hubby move a few items of furniture around (I instructed and he did the actual moving), then fixed lunch and rested til dinner time.  Was able to fix dinner and do the dishes without too much effort, and still had no head issues.  Now enjoying Netflix and will turn out the light by 9:00 a.m.  Yesterday I was sure I had an aneurism and was going to speak to my neurologist about going ahead with the MRA.  Can you believe the changes from one day to the next   I think that after five long weeks in a wave, maybe my body was ready to put the brakes on.  My hubby is being very helpful in making me rest in between chores and to eat healthy.  Tomorrow is another day and we can only hope to have more and more of those wonderful windows.  Now that I am in my eleventh month, I am more hopeful that at the one year mark, I will be able to enjoy spring this year, my most favorite time of the year.  Just to sit outside in the sunshine and watch the world go by will be sheer bliss.  Peace my friends and I so hope you have many good days coming your way

P.S.  Leann, no I was not having headaches before the Valium....once in a blue moon I would get a sinus headache, but it would run its course and I would not think twice about it.  My neurologist keeps telling me that my headaches will run their course after the nerve endings in my scalp calm down.  If I had an aneurism or tumor, the head pain would not come and go like they have been.  Plus, I have no neurological issues showing up after numerous tests!  So I will hold off on an MRA and just roll with the punches.

 

Fiercelady...thanks for the suggestion about the Nips coffee flavored candies!  I will definitely try them.  My husband said he has noticed that I have been having more head issues since I started drinking decaf several months ago!  I had steered clear of any type of caffeine from the beginning of my taper, so it will be interesting to see if staying off of it proves that it was the guilty culprit of my morning headaches, or at least part of it.

I felt like this 2 days ago and feel fine tonight. Keep reminding yourself if you felt fine once you’ll feel fine again

This Benzoland journey is without a doubt the weirdest trip ever!  After feeling like total death warmed over for about five weeks, I got up this morning after a pretty good night’s sleep, had a healthy breakfast without the decaf coffee, and slowly started my day.  After a couple of hours I noticed that I had no burning or tingling in my head.  So I did about 10 minutes on my floor mini bike, and then rested for an hour or so.  Still felt pretty good, especially after feeling awful yesterday.  Then I helped my hubby move a few items of furniture around (I instructed and he did the actual moving), then fixed lunch and rested til dinner time.  Was able to fix dinner and do the dishes without too much effort, and still had no head issues.  Now enjoying Netflix and will turn out the light by 9:00 a.m.  Yesterday I was sure I had an aneurism and was going to speak to my neurologist about going ahead with the MRA.  Can you believe the changes from one day to the next   I think that after five long weeks in a wave, maybe my body was ready to put the brakes on.  My hubby is being very helpful in making me rest in between chores and to eat healthy.  Tomorrow is another day and we can only hope to have more and more of those wonderful windows.  Now that I am in my eleventh month, I am more hopeful that at the one year mark, I will be able to enjoy spring this year, my most favorite time of the year.  Just to sit outside in the sunshine and watch the world go by will be sheer bliss.  Peace my friends and I so hope you have many good days coming your way

 

Garden, literally same here. I was howling only yesterday in pain and I’m fine now. Unbelievable

Glad you are feeling bit better GG. I drink something called Barley Cup, don't know if you can get it over there, but I avoid all coffee. I've had headaches for years, have one most days, but def got worse in withdrawal. Yes real rollercoaster, I was complete mess yesterday morning but managed go for short walk later. Just really had enough after 2 years, the big mistake was trying anti depressants really put me back into acute. Just wish I would get a window.

Hope the things you are trying help Fiercy, I seem have reaction to everything, so bit wary trying anything, had been taking Unisom few nights in a row wondered if that had set off the depression who knows. Hope today is better day for us all😃

Just curious what window feels like?. My anxiety and OCD there all the time, just some days just erupts like yesterday, and end up  a blubbery mess for no reason, hits me like the proverbial "wave", and other days still there but more controllable not engulfing? Was thinking a window is when you feel normal??

Just curious what window feels like?. My anxiety and OCD there all the time, just some days just erupts like yesterday, and end up  a blubbery mess for no reason, hits me like the proverbial "wave", and other days still there but more controllable not engulfing? Was thinking a window is when you feel normal??

 

Yeah. Windows I feel normal. I still have a couple of symptoms during them but they’re really light and barley there and no mental symptoms. So maybe some light internal buzzing and adrenaline rushes or something for example

Oh well least I know definitely haven't had any yet! I know it took you long time before you had any.

Well, today is the complete opposite of a nice window yesterday!!!!  Woke up with the stupid headache and then made things worse by taking a diuretic called Maxide.  Got very ill feeling and dizzy in grocery store so hubby had to rush me home!  Now I am back to thinking I should go ahead and have an MRA to rule out any other reason for these awful headaches!  Is this criminal or what?  How are you all today?

Sorry you had a set back. I'm not too bad today, just finished knitting a cardigan been sewing up that so mind distracted. Starting to think might been Unisom made me so awful yesterday, seems doesn't take much. What is an MRA is that like an MRI? I envy you having Windows, haven't had one in 2 years, but not every day like yesterday thank goodness. Weather is improving here, I love my garden so hopefully be able get out in it soon.

Hi Leann.  Good for you distracting by knitting, and glad today is a pretty good day for you!  I think the Maxide caused my symptoms of fast heart and dizziness, which I have not experienced since the early days of withdrawal.  An MRA is an Magnetic Resonance Angiogram....a type of MRI that looks specifically at the body’s blood vessels.  This would rule out any blockages in the arteries, narrowing of blood vessels, and strokes or aneurisms.  If this test shows no such issues, then the headaches are all from the stupid Valium!  I, too, am looking forward to warmer weather as I am a big time lover of gardening and have missed the last two years of digging in the dirt due to being so ill.  Take care of You!!!!

Guess it would put your mind at rest to have it done. In past I went through period getting constant UTI's had a CT scan with a dye that checked my kidneys, all was OK but did put my mind at rest. I just wish I would get a window. We are allowed see people in our gardens end next month, then inside the following month so hoping that will help me recover. As not being able see family or friends since November been awful for me. Find it hard to explain to friends as mental symptoms make you sound completely  bonkers. Got some crocus in our garden now  cheered me up today.

Today my mind was crystal clear. I then felt like I could tolerate a call to my father...wham!  Racing thoughts, agitation, I seriously think I’m seriously broken.  How could I be okay for a good portion of the day, then be so sick another, then be fine now.  This makes no sense.  So annoying.

 

Anyway. I’m grateful I had some nice moments today.  I do feel funky since Covid though.  Like I’m still nauseas and sensitive to motion especially the car.  Feels like I’m on a boat almost so horrible.  I turned my head quickly to check for cars and I felt So sick. So weird

 

At 19 months I thought I  would be better.  So annoying.

Did you call your father or was it just the thought that triggered symptoms?

 

If you made the call, I guess that it will be a good thing because clearly it's something you felt a duty to do. It might have knocked you sideways but these things are going to happen. It's good that you could do it, although I wonder if next time you're feeling such a window, you could perhaps choose not to rock the boat.

 

If it's just the thought, well, I understand that too. Remember that you have to prioritise yourself first because then you will be better positioned to help others. Pointless trying to do too much for others then crumbling and not being too much use at all, right?

 

Glad you felt good for a while and glad you felt that optimism.

Did you call your father or was it just the thought that triggered symptoms?

 

If you made the call, I guess that it will be a good thing because clearly it's something you felt a duty to do. It might have knocked you sideways but these things are going to happen. It's good that you could do it, although I wonder if next time you're feeling such a window, you could perhaps choose not to rock the boat.

 

If it's just the thought, well, I understand that too. Remember that you have to prioritise yourself first because then you will be better positioned to help others. Pointless trying to do too much for others then crumbling and not being too much use at all, right?

 

Glad you felt good for a while and glad you felt that optimism.

 

Hi Bammie ❤️ and BB friends

 

Yes I actually called my father and then started feeling funny.

 

I read this success story, this BB went for inpatient treatment, started some strong medications, addiction meetings, (Zyprexa being one of them) and feels better.  Sometimes I question the path I am on...

How do we know it’s the right one?

I am so afraid to try another round of medications...but maybe it could help...then again let’s look at the BIG picture, I am not in a hospital and I am recovering.  Maybe not as quickly

as I would like but I am so much better than I was five years ago on multiple medications.  But I question maybe I was just on the WRONG medicines ie: benzos.  The other medications had no change against the benzo...ugh my brain.

 

 

❤️

 

I hope all are well.

I have incredible facial pain

 

I have incredible facial pain

 

 

I used CBD lotion when I had leg and foot pain.  It really helped.