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Calm mind, severe anxiety


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Hello and much healing to all,

 

So, I am aware that anxiety is a "normal" symptom of withdrawal. Yet, I find my anxiety quite different and inexplicable. My mind is calm: no worries, bad thoughts, life problems or other triggers that might give me anxiety. However, my body feels wrecked with painful anxiety; I mean severe. At times my whole body turns cold or just burns. I have this constant sense of agitation that can lead me to tears and desperation. Sometimes, I feel a tingling or itching sensation in my brain, stomach, arms or spine--just weird. It is not normal. The days when anxiety is low, I feel like my brain is lost in space. I have tried sitting meditating and relaxing but it makes the anxiety worse, as if my body/brain has a phobia of relaxing my body.  I feel better when I do a physical activity and move around. I do things all days to keep the levels low like organizing or something, though I don't want to because I am so tired. I just want to rest but my body is burning with anxiety. At times it feels like my flesh is being shredded and on fire. For the most part, I feel a little bit better at night, I guess due to cortisol levels dropping. I had to give college a break. I could not sit in class; it was absolute torture, though I have always liked school. I feel that all my other symptoms are due to the anxiety, and if this goes than I will be 100% again.  Anyone else have a calm mind, but painful bodily anxiety? Is this normal?

By the way, I have no prior history of anxiety, at all. Super confident before this, sole reason I’ve lasted this far and I’m  determined to get better, though sometimes I give in but get up.

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Yes, I had that sometimes during my Valium withdrawal.  Some people here have called it "inner vibes" and I call it internal tremors.  This seems to be a classic symptom of benzos.  Benzos are skeletal muscle relaxants, and so those deep muscles will tend to tighten up during withdrawal, and cause that restlessness and quivering sensation.  For me that was scary.  I never got the burning you are describing, though ..

 

Annie

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Yes, I had that sometimes during my Valium withdrawal.  Some people here have called it "inner vibes" and I call it internal tremors.  This seems to be a classic symptom of benzos.  Benzos are skeletal muscle relaxants, and so those deep muscles will tend to tighten up during withdrawal, and cause that restlessness and quivering sensation.  For me that was scary.  I never got the burning you are describing, though ..

 

Annie

 

 

Sorry, misunderstanding, I don't quiver or internally vibrate, thank God! I just feel in a constant state of anxiety with a calm, peaceful mind. The anxiety burns at times and I'm very agitated, physically. It's not at all like normal fear, it doesn't at all feel like a normal human sensation. I do feel like it burns almost to the bone, though. I've had anxiety for 5 months straight. Ativan is hell on earth and should be banned as an abominable evil--a true crime against humanity.

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Hi Inkbloom, okay that sounds a bit different from the tremors I got with Valium withdrawal, and sounds just awful.  I've never taken Ativan, but I've heard it's the pits ..

 

Annie

 

 

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Hi Inkbloom, okay that sounds a bit different from the tremors I got with Valium withdrawal, and sounds just awful.  I've never taken Ativan, but I've heard it's the pits ..

 

Annie

 

 

 

 

Haha. And never do! lol

 

Well, it's bad, I guess for me. I'm having my daily bad episode as noted. I just hope it goes. I seriously want to know if this ever goes away. I'm 20 WAY too young to feel this way for a long time. I gotta build a life and this is kinda debilitating my true potential. I want it to go and be ME again, though I have the feeling it'll take a while. I just want to know it went away for someone that feels the way I do.

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Hello Inkbloom,

 

When was the last time you took the wicked Ativan?  It's a short-acting drug, and since you C/T'd from it, that is no surprise you got  those symptoms. I'm thinking if you could  first reinstate and stabilize, then you might do a slow taper of say 10% every week or 2.  Do you have any Ativan left? 

 

Kat

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Hello Inkbloom,

 

When was the last time you took the wicked Ativan?  It's a short-acting drug, and since you C/T'd from it, that is no surprise you got  those symptoms. I'm thinking if you could  first reinstate and stabilize, then you might do a slow taper of say 10% every week or 2.  Do you have any Ativan left? 

 

Kat

 

 

Um. Last time was five months exactly five months ago. I knew I was hooked two days after I CT because my whole body went on fire and anxiety has raged since then. I knew that if I took more maybe I'd feel better but I was so afraid about what it did to me in the first place. I flushed it down the toilet. I didn't have as much information as I do now and my doc has not been cooperative in what I explain; they think I've gone mad or something. At first I was shocked and in disbelief that such a small thing could do so much damage but I was fine, perfect health, before it so it had to be the culprit. I'm not sure what to do. I'm a constantly in a dark place, though I know I want to be happy and healthy again. This anxiety just won't stop.

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Well, that's understandable about wanting to get rid of the Ativan after experiencing such terrible sx's.  Now that you have more info, you can feel confident in  seeing your doc again and explaining your plan to taper.  He/she might still not want to comply, but if you can get the doc to prescribe the Ativan to taper with,  that is all you will likely need.

 

When I decided to taper, my regular doc was on maternity leave for almost a year then, so I had to use walk-in docs.  The first wanted me to change to clonazepam, and I had to do a bit of repeating and impressing upon him, and he finally came around.  Now I go to a different walk-in doc every 3 weeks.  Thats four different docs.  Two were very supportive, and 2 were  what I'd call "neutral", but they all did not hesitate to fill my prescriptions.

 

There's also the Ashton Manual, which you can download, but I think for this time it would be best for you to write down everything you personally want to speak to him/her about...stick to your guns!  You can do it!  You're young and have your dreams...Ativan is destroying it.  With your break from college, this would be the ideal time to start your reinstatement  and  stabilization.  Let your doc know how  much you'd need for the first month.  I cannot even think your doc would refuse to help you.  Just be very clear about what's happening in your life and your plans to be well again.

 

About the amount for the first month:  I can't give you any idea about how much you would need, as I don't know how much you were taking at the time.  Even so, I know little about reinstating and stabilization, so I think the mods and others who more experienced than I 

would be able to guide you though.

 

My thoughts go out to you,

 

Kat

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Hi Inkbloom. I am an ativan survivor as you are also.I have the agitating anxiety daily. Mine starts about an hour after getting up and lasts 3-6 hours a day. I am 8 mths off and still have these feelings daily. I did a five mth taper off of 1.5 mg. Went real slow and low and have not avoided neither mental or physical symptoms by doing this. I don't feel reinstating is what you need, I think these horrid symptoms are the nature of the beast. I have noticed that it has lessened a bit in the last month after stating to eat every 2 hours again. I was loosing weight again from the anxiety feeling and it seems to help to eat more regular. I also have a calm mind, but i have this internal feeling of impending doom and it is draining! I need to recoup for a while in the afternoon to get thru the rest of the day. Once it subsides, I am physically exhausted.  Best to you. Stay your course, it sounds like what I have been experiencing, and once gone I will be back to norm also!

 

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Inkbloom,

I agree with Sama1222. Although I was on Klonopin I think you've come to far to reinstate. I have the same symptoms as the rest of you and I don't really understand how it can go on so long but......since you were good before I believe you will come back to that. I am taking some supplements from a Naturopath that help at times, don't know if that will work for you but thought I would mention.

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Well, that's understandable about wanting to get rid of the Ativan after experiencing such terrible sx's.  Now that you have more info, you can feel confident in  seeing your doc again and explaining your plan to taper.  He/she might still not want to comply, but if you can get the doc to prescribe the Ativan to taper with,  that is all you will likely need.

 

When I decided to taper, my regular doc was on maternity leave for almost a year then, so I had to use walk-in docs.  The first wanted me to change to clonazepam, and I had to do a bit of repeating and impressing upon him, and he finally came around.  Now I go to a different walk-in doc every 3 weeks.  Thats four different docs.  Two were very supportive, and 2 were  what I'd call "neutral", but they all did not hesitate to fill my prescriptions.

 

There's also the Ashton Manual, which you can download, but I think for this time it would be best for you to write down everything you personally want to speak to him/her about...stick to your guns!  You can do it!  You're young and have your dreams...Ativan is destroying it.  With your break from college, this would be the ideal time to start your reinstatement  and  stabilization.  Let your doc know how  much you'd need for the first month.  I cannot even think your doc would refuse to help you.  Just be very clear about what's happening in your life and your plans to be well again.

 

About the amount for the first month:  I can't give you any idea about how much you would need, as I don't know how much you were taking at the time.  Even so, I know little about reinstating and stabilization, so I think the mods and others who more experienced than I 

would be able to guide you though.

 

My thoughts go out to you,

 

Kat

 

 

I have thought about this as well, Kat--starting a taper. However, it has been five months already since my C/T and scared it might be a disservice to  if I took more; really, it could go either way but I am horribly apprehensive about the outcome. I don't think I could handle a more severe withdrawal. I was on a short time at 1mg . I don't want to imagine what a more prolonged ingestion of that poison would do to me. Really scared.

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Hi Inkbloom. I am an ativan survivor as you are also.I have the agitating anxiety daily. Mine starts about an hour after getting up and lasts 3-6 hours a day. I am 8 mths off and still have these feelings daily. I did a five mth taper off of 1.5 mg. Went real slow and low and have not avoided neither mental or physical symptoms by doing this. I don't feel reinstating is what you need, I think these horrid symptoms are the nature of the beast. I have noticed that it has lessened a bit in the last month after stating to eat every 2 hours again. I was loosing weight again from the anxiety feeling and it seems to help to eat more regular. I also have a calm mind, but i have this internal feeling of impending doom and it is draining! I need to recoup for a while in the afternoon to get thru the rest of the day. Once it subsides, I am physically exhausted.  Best to you. Stay your course, it sounds like what I have been experiencing, and once gone I will be back to norm also!

 

 

 

Hi Sama. We seem to be in the same boat. I, too, feel well when I wake up for about an hour and then the anxiety breaks lose. I was never an anxious person at all. I can't imagine consuming any more Ativan, so I will not reinstate. True, eating does lower the anxiety some. By late night I feel better, though I'm still agitated, scared, and sometimes traumatized from the day. Have you noticed that the anxiety has lowered if at all during your eight months? You describe my situation quite well. Sometimes I think I might have some illness but I was normal before this, the only new agent introduced to my body was this horrible poison. I'd be glad if we kept each other posted on progress or things that help.

 

Thanks.

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Inkbloom,

I agree with Sama1222. Although I was on Klonopin I think you've come to far to reinstate. I have the same symptoms as the rest of you and I don't really understand how it can go on so long but......since you were good before I believe you will come back to that. I am taking some supplements from a Naturopath that help at times, don't know if that will work for you but thought I would mention.

 

 

I'd be content to know what your Neuropath gave you, though I a apprehensive/cautious about what I ingest now. Thanks.

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Hi Inkbloom,

 

I was worried about you because of your dreadful sx's, not being able to go to school... you're doing what sounds right for you, and that's the best way...to just listen to our bodies. (It''s a worn out phrase but so true!)

 

All the best to you,

 

Kat

 

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Inkbloom,

 

I agree be concerned about putting anything in your body.  I only do it as it helps me but we are all so different and I had severe anxiety before my Klonopin you were good before any drugs, lucky you :) I have had hormone and neurotransmitter tests so I take supplements based on that and the test do coincide with what I feel. I take Gaba and seratonin. I take a product called Calm PRT as my norephineprine/ephinephrine levels are too high.  My Cortisol is also extreme in the morming and rises again in the evening so I take Cortisol Manager to lower it.  I just tried it at night for the first time and that really helped my wake up.  But......that can all change I have good and bad days.  I have tried to not take the supplements and I feel worse. My naturopath says its just a matter of getting the dosage correct for my body. I hope they are right.  Good luck to you!!

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Inkbloom,

 

I agree be concerned about putting anything in your body.  I only do it as it helps me but we are all so different and I had severe anxiety before my Klonopin you were good before any drugs, lucky you :) I have had hormone and neurotransmitter tests so I take supplements based on that and the test do coincide with what I feel. I take Gaba and seratonin. I take a product called Calm PRT as my norephineprine/ephinephrine levels are too high.  My Cortisol is also extreme in the morming and rises again in the evening so I take Cortisol Manager to lower it.  I just tried it at night for the first time and that really helped my wake up.  But......that can all change I have good and bad days.  I have tried to not take the supplements and I feel worse. My naturopath says its just a matter of getting the dosage correct for my body. I hope they are right.  Good luck to you!!

 

 

Thanks for the advice, really. I'll take what you said into consideration. I didn't have this anxiety before, so I'm keeping the faith that it'll go away by itself in time. I can only take so much, though. I'll ask for some test to be done. Hopefully my doc decides to comply with my desires. 

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Inkbloom, my husband reminded me again last night, we know our bodies better than the Doctors, if you don't like the one you have keep trying till you find one you like.  Its so nice to have their support.  Mine actually emails me. Its helped alot!!
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Hi, Ink.

 

I'm afraid I don't have much advice to offer, but wanted to let you know that I am right there with you and have this exact kind of anxiety and I absolutely HATE IT.  I would give my right arm right now to make this go away.  It's been going on for quite some time while I was in tolerance and then into w/d, and I'm now 6 months off.  It has improved in intensity and duration over time, but I often get very concerned about my anxiety levels this far off the benzo.  In fact, that is one reason I was searching in the anxiety section, to get some peace of mind that this will get better. 

 

I can specifically tell when it is me and my "regular" mental anxiety and when it is something more physical going on.  The majority of the time it is more physical, and as you say, I have the calm mind with nothing to be stressed or concerned about.  I can be laying in bed all comfy and cozy, with some music playing or TV on, no stressors or specific worries, yet, I feel completely edgy and doomed, as if a black cloud is hanging over my head. 

 

Coping techniques do not work very well for me when this comes over me, although I do still work hard at controlling it.  It seems this kind of anxiety really has a mind of its own.  Certain techniques may help so that it doesn't escalate, but it seems to come and go as it pleases.  I can often feel the anxiety just lift out of the blue.  One thing I have found to be helpful is allowing myself to cry when I need to, but lately I have a hard time physically breaking down and crying, even though I feel like I have so much tension and anxiety bottled up that needs to be released.  Talking about it also helps me, whether it be coming on the forum here and chatting or posting, and I am lucky enough to have an extremely supportive boyfriend.  When I get bad, I talk to him about what I'm feeling and that seems to help some to get it out and receive positive feedback.  I'm am sure he is getting sick and tired of all this benzo w/d talk and hearing the same worries and concerns come out of my mouth, but he hides it well and has definitely been my rock.

 

Well, hopefully we will see improvements in this area real soon.  As we're seeing from responses to your post, we are not alone in how we feel.

 

Take care and keep hanging in there.  Every day behind us is one day closer to feeling well and putting this behind us.

 

:hug:

 

Love, Sweet

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Bittersweet,

 

Ugh it was hard for me to read at 6 months you are still struggling.  I am 3 months behind you.  I pray it gets easier for all of us. Does anyone use massage to help their anxiety? It has helped me some.  It normally only last throughout the day but at least it is some relief :)

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Oh, snaphappy, I'm sorry if my post was disheartening to read, being that you are 3 months behind me.  One thing I know is it all progresses differently for each person, so it could very well leave you or ease greatly much sooner than it has for me!  I also have 13 years of Paxil usage that I rapidly came off of in March right before quitting the benzo, so I'm sure that is playing into my equation.  I completely understand what you mean, though...I get really concerned when I read of others 8, 9, 10 months off and ahead of me who are still experiencing this anxiety.  It is a scary thought not knowing how long this will last, and I often find myself questioning if it is "just me" and if it will ever leave, but I truly believe it will. 

 

I can DEFINITELY report that it has improved.  At 3 months off, this was much more intense for me.  I now do get longer moments of peace and clarity, and just two days ago I had a full day of very low anxiety all day long and that gave me hope.  A day like that was unheard of for me for a long time, so it really does get better.  When it hits, though, I get very discouraged, especially since I can't seem to control it.  In the past before tolerance and w/d, I got anxiety for specific reasons, such as a stressful event or something I was concerned about...but this anxiety is so different...it just envelopes you no matter what.  It's a feeling that comes on out of the blue for absolutely no rhyme or reason other than the fact that the body has been so altered by these drugs and is working to fix itself, that it acts this way during the healing process.  I still get a lot of physical symptoms, so I always try to tell myself, hey, if my body hasn't physically repaired itself yet, how can I expect that my brain will be functioning normally at this point?  It will eventually fully fix itself, I just wish it didn't take so long for all of us.  :(

 

As far as massage goes, I have never had a professional massage, but my boyfriend gives fabulous massages!  I get such horrible muscle tension and it definitely seems to help with the excess anxiety.  Another thing that helps me is foot rubs.  I really believe in accupressure, too, and have done a bit of research on that.  There are definitely coping methods and ways to make yourself a bit more comfortable when experiencing the anxiety, and keeping things at bay. 

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Bittersweet,

 

Ugh it was hard for me to read at 6 months you are still struggling.  I am 3 months behind you.  I pray it gets easier for all of us. Does anyone use massage to help their anxiety? It has helped me some.  It normally only last throughout the day but at least it is some relief :)

 

 

My mom is going with me to get one this weekend. I'll report on how it goes.  ;)

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Oh, snaphappy, I'm sorry if my post was disheartening to read, being that you are 3 months behind me.  One thing I know is it all progresses differently for each person, so it could very well leave you or ease greatly much sooner than it has for me!  I also have 13 years of Paxil usage that I rapidly came off of in March right before quitting the benzo, so I'm sure that is playing into my equation.  I completely understand what you mean, though...I get really concerned when I read of others 8, 9, 10 months off and ahead of me who are still experiencing this anxiety.  It is a scary thought not knowing how long this will last, and I often find myself questioning if it is "just me" and if it will ever leave, but I truly believe it will. 

 

I can DEFINITELY report that it has improved.  At 3 months off, this was much more intense for me.  I now do get longer moments of peace and clarity, and just two days ago I had a full day of very low anxiety all day long and that gave me hope.  A day like that was unheard of for me for a long time, so it really does get better.  When it hits, though, I get very discouraged, especially since I can't seem to control it.  In the past before tolerance and w/d, I got anxiety for specific reasons, such as a stressful event or something I was concerned about...but this anxiety is so different...it just envelopes you no matter what.  It's a feeling that comes on out of the blue for absolutely no rhyme or reason other than the fact that the body has been so altered by these drugs and is working to fix itself, that it acts this way during the healing process.  I still get a lot of physical symptoms, so I always try to tell myself, hey, if my body hasn't physically repaired itself yet, how can I expect that my brain will be functioning normally at this point?  It will eventually fully fix itself, I just wish it didn't take so long for all of us.  :(

 

As far as massage goes, I have never had a professional massage, but my boyfriend gives fabulous massages!  I get such horrible muscle tension and it definitely seems to help with the excess anxiety.  Another thing that helps me is foot rubs.  I really believe in accupressure, too, and have done a bit of research on that.  There are definitely coping methods and ways to make yourself a bit more comfortable when experiencing the anxiety, and keeping things at bay. 

 

 

You describe it so well. I thought I was the only one. We will heal in time. I, as well, have hope.  :hug:

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Bittersweet,

 

Ugh it was hard for me to read at 6 months you are still struggling.  I am 3 months behind you.  I pray it gets easier for all of us. Does anyone use massage to help their anxiety? It has helped me some.  It normally only last throughout the day but at least it is some relief :)

 

 

My mom is going with me to get one this weekend. I'll report on how it goes.  ;)

 

 

 

Went to get a massage. It helped some.  :) I'm glad to report that it did not exacerbate any symptoms. It was okay.

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