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4 Months Ativan free


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Hi buddies. Today marks 4 months since I finished a 3-month taper from Ativan. It has been challenging, to say the least, but I wanted to hop on here to confirm that healing happens!

 

I had a difficult taper, and my first month off was intense and difficult. Symptoms included lots of chemical anxiety and depression, DR, benzo belly, muscle twitches, fatigue, more weight loss (I’ve lost over 30 pounds total), chest palpitations, and my most frequent and difficult symptom, air hunger.

 

Over the course of the last three months, symptoms have eased, I rarely have ‘stay in bed’ days which were the norm for me in taper, I am back at work, no longer experiencing any agoraphobia (this is huge!) and my cog fog is almost completely gone. Healing is happening, although slow. On harder days, I stay connected to my village who remind me of the truth, and not the lies that come with wd.

 

I currently experience windows and waves, which are mostly triggered by my monthly cycle or a food reaction. I’ve tried to reintroduce a multivitamin, but it’s still too soon for that. I do take fish oil and a garlic supplement daily which I believe has helped to support my brain and gut. I’ve kept to a low sugar, low gluten, no alcohol, no preservative diet and I think it has helped a lot. But I am also sick of worrying about everything and now allow myself to have a piece of cake, or chocolate if I want it. Do I react? Sometimes, but I also believe that fear can lead me to dark places and I choose not to be afraid (some days are harder than others! I’m working on it!)

 

I wanted to jump on here and encourage those who are still tapering... you can do this. I always saw myself as so wimpy. I’m not, and neither are you. My resilience has grown, my ability to acknowledge my anxiety and move past it has grown, which is a huge gift. I know I still have a long way to go, but I am living life, finding joy and allowing rest on days that are hard. I always say, where the body goes, the mind will follow. If you can, stay distracted, keep your hands busy, watch TV that makes you laugh, walk in fresh air, SING out loud.... the brain will follow where you tell it to go. And I am telling my brain, ‘I will heal’ 💗💗

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This is the kind of message our members need to see, thank you for posting your progress.  When I see what you said about your anxiety I hope I can remember where I saw it because other members need to see it.  So many fear the return of their original anxiety, how can they deal with it without the drug?

 

"My resilience has grown, my ability to acknowledge my anxiety and move past it has grown, which is a huge gift."

 

This statement should give others hope, thank you for letting us see your progress! 

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Marwegs,

 

Congratulations!  Glad to see you are doing well (as well as can be given the circumstances, of course) and experiencing an easing of symptoms.  You were so kind in welcoming and encouraging me in the Ativan taper thread when I was very unstable and first thrown into my nightmarish experience.  I want to say thank you for that and I hope your windows continue to open.  Healing most definitely happens! 

 

Best,

 

Amanda

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This is the kind of message our members need to see, thank you for posting your progress.  When I see what you said about your anxiety I hope I can remember where I saw it because other members need to see it.  So many fear the return of their original anxiety, how can they deal with it without the drug?

 

Thanks so much Pamster... and for the encouragement and advice you gave me during taper.

 

I want people to know that this process gives us grit. We are not weak, we are weary... there’s a big difference. My previous Anxiety, although mild and manageable, has always been part of my life. Withdrawal has forced me to look deeper into it. I read a great book called ‘Dare’ that has taught me that by acknowledging my bodily sensations of anxiety, accepting them, not panicking.... it goes away faster. Also, benzo anxiety is way worse than the anxiety I had before, so when symptoms start to settle, buddies, you will be so much better equipped to deal with it!! 💗

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Marwegs,

 

Congratulations!  Glad to see you are doing well (as well as can be given the circumstances, of course) and experiencing an easing of symptoms.  You were so kind in welcoming and encouraging me in the Ativan taper thread when I was very unstable and first thrown into my nightmarish experience.  I want to say thank you for that and I hope your windows continue to open.  Healing most definitely happens! 

 

Best,

 

Amanda

 

Amanda... such sweet words. 💗 thank you!

This is hard. But we can do it. Look how far you’ve come, from when you first came to the Ativan board, so sick, so fearful.... every bit of movement forward is progress! I pray you are enjoying every window and that it’s fuelling your mind to overcome any obstacle, until full healing comes! Xo

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Congratulations Marweg.

 

I had bad agoraphobia too, now I actually look forward to leaving the house from time to time.

 

Thanks for sharing your story. 

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Marwegs,

 

Thank you for this wonderful update! We do come out of this much stronger and more self aware than when we came in. I'm going to look up the book that you mentioned.

 

Glad you are doing so well!

 

~ Bibs jo

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  • 3 weeks later...

A little update, and a warning.... I’m 5 months off today.

 

Almost two weeks ago, I had a stressful event trigger a wave that has baffled me. I knew after the event had happened that I felt ‘off’ and that I would probably experience some difficulty in the coming week. It hit me hard, with cog fog, shakiness, anxiety, chest pain, breathlessness and the return of the nagging cough that I’ve had since I started taking Ativan. (Anyone else have this coughing symptom?).

 

After a couple days, I felt like I was coming out of it, but then it would come back at night (usually my best times). Insomnia and sleep anxiety kicked in, which I haven’t had in ages. Last night I had intense delirium, difficulty with speech, sleep jerks and complete body tension for most of the night. Something wasn’t right.....

 

Today I decided to look through my journal and I believe what has kept me really sick is a Vit D supplement I have started to take (DUH). I feel so silly, and hoping that this wave passes soon. I knew supplements apart from my fish oil were causing me symptoms, but I guess I got over confident with how I was feeling and forgot that I am still healing!

 

I know so many people warn of this, but I assumed I’d see a reaction shortly after taking it... I didn’t. It would manifest hours later. Even my topical CBD cream for my neck revved me up yesterday.

 

This is a good reminder that my CNS is still so sensitive. Discouraging set-back, but wanted to share in case other buddies were in the same boat.

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For awhile I tried to figure out what would cause a wave, but just when I thought I had it figured out, it would throw me a curve ball.  Last night I slept like a baby, but today I have some burning skin and feel a light wave coming on.

 

You can try changing things, but don’t be surprised if the symptoms show up again.  You are correct, our CNS is still sensitive and healing.  I’m 13 months off and still get some symptoms.  Luckily I also get decent stretches of wonderful waves.  I stopped trying to find reasons, however I admit it is still in the back of my mind.  Next week I go for my first covid shot and I do wonder if it will trigger something.

 

Good luck to you and I wish you endless windows!

 

 

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Rshack, thank you!

 

Ha, you’re right about trying to figure it out! And I think this wave may or may not have come anyways. But something is very different about this wave, which made me wonder what ELSE could have upset my CNS. Symptoms have been worse than ever, even worse than acute. Perhaps this is normal, either way, I’m not risking it by adding anything else in. I’m praying for those wide windows too! Waves will come, I know, just want to do as much as I can to minimize intensity.... this one has really wrecked me.

 

Good luck with your COVID shot! I’ll be praying for mild symptoms as your immune system works to protect you!!

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Yeah, I stilllook for reasons.  I had some dental issues for the past few weeks.  Was on antibiotics, then a steroid.  I’m still in pain but it’s getting better.  I was worried that these would affect me, but they did not.  I did avoid taking any kind of opioid.  I stuck with Motrin and Tylenol.

 

All the best to you!

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  • 5 weeks later...

Hi buddies, today marks 6 months off of Ativan, and although the last month has not been easy, there is a lot of healing happening.

 

My main symptoms:

- chronic cough (including throat clearing and a tickle)

- shortness of breath and chest pain

 

Symptoms that cycle in during my waves are muscle twitches, fatigue, cog fog and benzo belly. Anxiety comes in waves but has greatly reduced except for here and there when other symptoms pile in at once.

 

I’ve noticed that my waves are cycling quicker than they used to... lasting a few days instead of a couple of weeks. I am so grateful for that, because it gives me a boost in morale to keep fighting.

 

Something that I have tried to do is get up and dressed no matter how I feel. I find that the morning dread passes within an hour or so after getting ready, and my days are smoother. Also, I’m walking every day, 3-4 kms... it makes a difference in my daily energy!

 

The hardest thing for me is learning not to overdo it when I feel better. Stress almost always brings a wave. I found a benzo wise doctor who has affirmed that I will heal in time, and that my nervous system just needs time to reset.

 

Hope this brings some hope to those of you still tapering. It’s worth the fight 💗💗

 

 

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This is great news Marwegs!  Congratulations!

 

I like that you force yourself to get dressed.  I do this too, even though I am working from home. 

 

What you describe is typical.  I had the cough, but no chest pains, I had pain in my belly. 

 

I also had a stage where I had quick waves and windows that cycled in and out. 

 

Good to hear that you are making progress. 

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Thank you, RShack!

 

Did your cough resolve? I have been coughing on and off for a year, but it came and went while I was tapering. After jumping, it returned and now is constant, which givens me some concern. Doctor seems to think it’s post-nasal drip. The cough and the breathlessness really bother me.

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Yes, my cough was like post nasal drip as well.  It went away after maybe 6 months.

 

But remember, we all go through this differently. 

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Hello Marwegs,

 

Thank you so much for your updates. I’m now almost 2 months post jump and am feeling a lot better. I still have waves and windows, but the waves don’t bring me down as far and the windows bring me to higher places than I have ever experienced in 15 years.

 

I also have a chronic cough, and sometimes feel that swallowing is difficult. I think it’s wd. It comes and goes.

 

I’ve become very philosophical through this and am trying to accept that sx may come and go and not fight them too much. I just pray for the strength to keep going and when I do have a great window I enjoy every moment of it!

 

Praying for windows and complete healing for all of us here.

 

~ Bibs Jo

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Congratulations to you too Bibs!  The first few months were the hardest for me. 

 

I see that you are also thinking more clearly.  Your philosophy is the same as mine and will help you remain calm during the rough waves.  I’m at 14 months now—time flies— and I felt a wave incoming yesterday.  But so far, I just have some burning skin.  I won’t fight it.  Instead I got up and took a nice walk.  My energy is down, but so what, I had a stressful week at work.  I will just enjoy the day and wait for the symptoms to pass.  I expect a sleepless night but I have a new book ready to read for when I am wide awake.

 

Sending wishes for endless windows!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Marwegs,

 

Thank you so much for your updates. I’m now almost 2 months post jump and am feeling a lot better. I still have waves and windows, but the waves don’t bring me down as far and the windows bring me to higher places than I have ever experienced in 15 years.

 

I also have a chronic cough, and sometimes feel that swallowing is difficult. I think it’s wd. It comes and goes.

 

I’ve become very philosophical through this and am trying to accept that sx may come and go and not fight them too much. I just pray for the strength to keep going and when I do have a great window I enjoy every moment of it!

 

Praying for windows and complete healing for all of us here.

 

~ Bibs Jo

 

Bibs! I’m sorry for the late reply... proud of you for getting to where you are! Sounds like you are healing, and your perspective is great! I really believe my good days are majorly influenced by my state of mind. God is my focus, and prayer has worked for me to overcome hard days and ruminating thoughts of fear. We will get there!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today marks 7 months off of Ativan. I can say that I have been doing really well, apart from a few monthly waves popping in and out. When the waves come, they are uncomfortable and are usually the same offenders: Air hunger, chronic cough, bursts of anxiety and weepiness. They are shorter than they used to be. But I will say that the anxiety and weepiness have subsided tremendously. Depression is gone, completely, now I just feel normal ranges of sad from time to time. I am healing... I can tell I am healing, as my general disposition feels more like 'me'. I still battle with feeling like I shouldn't be lying in bed on my tougher days.... working with a counsellor on that, which I think has helped me so much to process all of the reasons I turned to benzos in the first place: grief and burnout.

 

I got my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine today, and so far, just a little tired and achey... nothing I'm not used to! LOL

 

I hope this encourages those of you who are still tapering, still fighting for your peace and healing. Things get better. Healing is slow, but I can say that I thought I would never feel hope again, and I don't even relate to that feeling anymore. Not even 3 months ago, I thought 'I can't do this anymore'. But as many of my friends on here have said.... the only way out is through. The coming months may bring more waves, but they also may bring more healing.

 

Shifting my thinking from 'What if' to 'Even if'...

 

Love to you all

:smitten:

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  • 5 weeks later...

8 months off today. This month has held some of my most normal days yet, but also, short bursts of waves that still whisper lies of fear to me. I attempted, for the third time, to introduce vitamin D into my daily routine. I started low, and with a pure, olive oil based product. Sad to say that I am now in a wave that feels like my last bigger setback at 6 months. It should take a few days to have this wave pass, but it is discouraging. I am low in vitamin  D, so I’m going to have to try to get it from food sources… cod liver oil? Oatmeal? Fortified foods? Food no longer bothers me, I can mostly eat anything again as long as it’s not too greasy. I try to keep my sugar low.

Air hunger, cough and physical anxiety are the clingers on… I’d be so happy to see this breathlessness go… anyone else struggle with breathlessness for this long?

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Can you eat mushrooms?  They are high in vit. D.  I don't have problems with Vit D supplements.  I also spend time outdoors in summer each day.

Overall, you're  doing well.  Best of luck as your CNS continues to heal.

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Thanks Kanoba and Gingermint  :smitten:

 

Yes, I can eat mushrooms! I will add them! So happy to see you’ve jumped, Gingermint! I pray you are coping well and journeying well through all of this 💗

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Marwegs so happy for you! Thank you for sharing your story. It is so encouraging and I need to hear these stories. I too had no idea what I was taking and how it could cause these symptoms after such a short time. I had been on it before and did not have as sever a reaction but took such a low dose. I am hopeful for a full healing and pray you will have complete relief from any residual effects.
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