[le...] Posted August 28, 2021 Author Share Posted August 28, 2021 Funny one therapist I saw said it was PTSD caused by how my Mum had treated me for years, plus when my husband had the cardiac arrest at home. Just wish I could figure where the crazy thoughts came from, or some sort of trigger that I could avoid. Yes the family stuff almost put be back into acute again. Sleep not great at moment. How how have you addressed the PTSD symptoms, I'm done with therapy already spent too much on it, but anything I can do myself I'll try Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[di...] Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 That's not very easy to answer. The first thing was to accurately recognise what has happened to me. It was a really big step for me to say out loud "I have been abused". Seems like you're already there. After making that admission, I felt a surge of motivation to not let it beat me. Daily breathwork exercises made me feel physically and mentally stronger and that allowed me to think about things in a slightly different way to what I was able to before. All I could think about before was the pain and suffering, but I became more able to see what was in my control and what triggered me. I checked out emotionally from my dad, stopped believing that he'd become something different, realised I was strong despite what he did. Things like that. I haven't had therapy as such because the pandemic made it impossible, but I was assessed by a really adept psychologist and just offloading really helped. I reflected on my childhood and realised that there were some traumas that I wasn't aware of, that weren't really any one person's fault. My parents had me and my brother when they were young and my brother has a developmental disorder which made it extra challenging. My mind allowed me to remember some moments, watching my brother go through the trauma of being taken out of mainstream school and being put into a school that wasn't in any way appropriate for his condition. Watching my dad try his primitive exposure therapy, putting him near loud noises as if he was suddenly gonna stop being sensitive. Stupid crap like that. I can look back on it with adult eyes now and put it in its place, but I'd never really considered how it shaped my life up to now. I stopped blaming myself and others for how things have gone and realised it's in my power to turn it around completely. Doesn't mean I don't stand up for myself when somebody tries to push me down. I know how to deal with them now and people like that are becoming less and less relevant in my life. I'm sorry I'm not able to give any clearer tips. It's been a really complicated puzzle to solve and we're different people. CBD is good for PTSD. Everything I've said just now... not sure I'd have been able to do it without having CBD and cannabis to calm my nerves at the critical moments. I get that not everybody will wanna go there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted August 29, 2021 Author Share Posted August 29, 2021 Thanks for that really helpful. Looking back think did have some anxiety over the years due to my Mother but not like this, it's definitelt chemically induced anxiety feels totally different. Like I'm on high alert all the time. Don't seem have any triggers for the intrusive thoughts sadly. I did try CBD tablets for a while but made me feel really depressed so stopped them. Have just ordered some pro biotic someone recommended, to calm down the nervous system. And just started l glutamine meant re set the GABBA. receptors, last ditch attempt at supplements! Really hard as all normal stuff like exposure therapy and CBT hasn't helped at all, as it's chemically induced, just doesn't respond to behavioural type therapies at all. I will try the relaxing breathing again. I have sort come to terms with toxic family, my Mother ruined my son's wedding day, refused go unless my sister went, ended up being day from hell. Think it's being able to cope without pill, in the past when they dud something I'd take a zop at night and briefly would go away until next morning. Have taken the odd one recently, but don't have that effect anymore. But won't take anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[di...] Posted September 5, 2021 Share Posted September 5, 2021 Sounds like on your better days, you have your mindset in a good place, but you're waiting for your biology to catch up. Those sound like good supplements with minimal risk and unlikely to produce side effects. I hope they help some but I think you know by now not to expect a miracle cure. I don't want to keep saying the same thing but I swear, it is like talking to a different person compared with how you were not too long ago. You've been forced to take the long road through and you can be proud of yourself for getting from where you were to where you are now. If you always took a pill every time something bad happened, then when loads of bad things stacked up at once you were forced to stop taking pills, then of course it is going to be a huge nightmare in the adjustment. But it's not the same horror now and I am pleased that you have come to terms with your toxic family. I couldn't have imagined you saying that when you were wishing them all the things under the sun! This is called progress and it's important to recognise it. Judging from how you're talking, it appears to me that it simply sucks and you're fed up of feeling run down and unwell. You're not living in an acute state of intense fear and anxiety so this indicates progress too. Do you believe you're going to be alright? I think you can dare to believe at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 Was thinking improving bit until recently. Had major bust up with my son.I am thinking he's actually got Aspergers trying find info on it. Given us no support over family issues ever , never shows empathy, husband lost it with him, lot screeching down the phone. Just hard accepting I'll never have a family like other people have. Think supplements are helping bit, just think I'm improving bit then something else happens to bite me on the rear. Least the weather is lovely here at the moment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[di...] Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 There are always going to be ups and downs in benzo withdrawal as in normal life. Bust ups are bound to lead to stress and that is always likely to cause some negative symptoms. That you're sometimes feeling optimistic and feeling like you're improving is progress. There was a time when you never felt any optimism for weeks/months on end. Just wall-to-wall of doom and gloom. But now it isn't like that, cos sometimes you feel like you're improving. Obviously your son finds it difficult to cope when other people are struggling. I hope for the both of you that when you're better, your relationship will improve. Just try not to let things get too bad in the meantime, maybe stick to the basics. Many people in my family struggle with empathy (actually, "struggle" is not quite right because they don't even try) and I know from experience that they can't help it and they are not going to change. Keep on keeping on leann. You are getting there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 Thanks not doing too bad. He definitely has Aspergers about 10 symptoms he ticks them all. Always though he was bit different but never really twigged before.Does explain a lot, will just have to try make allowances in the future. Doesn't help his wife bit highly strung, she's had lot therapy in past coz stuff her family did, not great combination!!. Yes do feel better than 6 months ago, some groups I went to starting up again which will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted September 9, 2021 Author Share Posted September 9, 2021 Pretty much given up on progress at moment. Family killing me at moment, here we go again. Husband said what did you ever do to deserve such S**t family! bad in a previous life maybe ?Not eating feeling sick all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted September 19, 2021 Author Share Posted September 19, 2021 Anyone else still suffering with all this crap. Make bit progress then back to square one again, just want a window for 1 blessed day!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted September 25, 2021 Author Share Posted September 25, 2021 Anyone still get these , wish there were more of us. Still got this have levelled out bit after the disasterous experiment with Bach flowered remedies. Do think mental symptoms take longer to improve than physical ones. Beginning wonder if my brain will ever recover😢 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 Anyone still get these , wish there were more of us. Still got this have levelled out bit after the disasterous experiment with Bach flowered remedies. Do think mental symptoms take longer to improve than physical ones. Beginning wonder if my brain will ever recover😢 Yes, me! Mine is not as much about life stress and more hypochondria. But I can really work myself into a lather about symptoms. Currently it's 2:20 AM here and I'm having another no sleep night because my symptoms have ramped up and I'm freaked out. I wonder if I'll ever recover too. It's so hard to have hope while experiencing this day after day, week after week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted September 25, 2021 Author Share Posted September 25, 2021 Sorry you are still suffering. It sucks doesn't it😩 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 Sorry you are still suffering. It sucks doesn't it😩 Yes. So hard to keep your chin up when you keep getting slammed down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted September 26, 2021 Author Share Posted September 26, 2021 Seriously thinking about reinstating can't go on lime this anymore. With no life. Mental symptoms are the worst . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ha...] Posted October 3, 2021 Share Posted October 3, 2021 Have you considered magic mushrooms? I'm just hitting 18months and seeing some improvement, but not nearly enough. I've just started lions mane mushrooms and will give it a few weeks/month. But seriously considering the magic mushrooms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted October 3, 2021 Share Posted October 3, 2021 Seriously thinking about reinstating can't go on lime this anymore. With no life. Mental symptoms are the worst . I can see you've been suffering a long stinken time. I'm sorry about that. I know how hopeless it can get to feeling if you're not sure when relief will ever come. I think you've got to remind yourself why you came off in the first place and what these meds can do to people. Even if you plan to stay on, they can turn around and bite you in the butt with tolerance or even a paradoxical reaction. Then you're really screwed. That's what I have to keep reminding myself. I also have horrible anxiety/depression/severe insomnia, intrusive thoughts. I often feel hopeless. But the drugs are not the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted October 3, 2021 Author Share Posted October 3, 2021 I didn't come off zopiclone through choice, never had any problems on it felt fine no problems, new GP forced me to go cold turkey. I'll carry on for moment re asses at 3 years if I haven't improved. I can see why people who had problems on meds would think differently. Had lot stress with toxic family members this year hasn't helped. But get there is no guarantee if you try something else it will improve things. Just find mental symptoms one of hardest things. Got no idea what magic mushrooms are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted October 3, 2021 Share Posted October 3, 2021 I can see how if you had no problems on it, you would really feel like going back on. This is pure torture, so I wouldn't blame you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[or...] Posted October 3, 2021 Share Posted October 3, 2021 Do you understand the concept of kindling, leann? Your zop may well not work as you remember it if/when you resume taking it. Just sayin' Katz Need to add this: Here's something to read about kindling if you don't understand the phenomenon: https://www.benzoinfo.com/kindling/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted October 3, 2021 Author Share Posted October 3, 2021 I can see how if you had no problems on it, you would really feel like going back on. This is pure torture, so I wouldn't blame you. I'll carry on for moment as I am and review things if no better at 3 year mark. Just had enough some days of keep fighting with no windows Mental symptoms are the worst as leave you physically exhausted as well, feel like I've had flu lot of the time.. Hope you soon improve😊R Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ca...] Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 Does nobody else on here have bad mental symptoms , anyone? I do more than ever. The depression/anxiety, intrusive thoughts, guilt and madness is worsening and really shoving me to the beyond the point of sanity. I've episodes I don't remember where my wife called police. I find myself thrashing about and sweating profusely, being seated in hand cuffs. There have been other episodes I hardly remember, finding myself in the hospital, unable to answer any questions - the usual verifications, I cannot get mind straight on. Wish I could talk to someone about my depression, pre and post Benzo withdrawals. God help me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted October 31, 2021 Author Share Posted October 31, 2021 Just wondered how everyone is doing. Still about the same here. Not dramatically worse, but don't seem to improve. Had a brief window of an hour, first in nearly 32 months, then anxiety back to normal again.. Thinking of going see GP, as she's new one, am wondering about hydroxyzine, it's anti histamine meant help anxiety. So hopefully not addictive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted November 16, 2021 Author Share Posted November 16, 2021 Nobody else still feeling like this, not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. Trying to appear normal. Trying zop was a mistake least only 3 days tiny dose, feel worse than ever just want to crawl into a cave and stay there forever. Starting to think maybe I am crazy and should be locked up somewhere. Feel worse than I did 6 months ago. Life feels totally hopeless at the moment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 Sorry it's still so bad leann. I know trying the Zop could have made it some worse these past few days. I hope you can ride it and feel better. If it makes you feel less alone, I'm also dealing with terrible anxiety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted November 16, 2021 Author Share Posted November 16, 2021 Sorry to hear you are the same it's s**t this goes on for so long. Just get so angry as the other benzo information site I found, said going CT may delay recovery and may increase the chances of being protracted, that B doctor caused this😟 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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