Well it has been a decade.

**Link to my 6 year update http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=165356.0

It has been so long since the last time I logged into this website that I had to reset my password. I truly can't wait for all of you to know what that feels like!

Onto my story.

10 years.. It has been 10 years since the day I stopped putting that medication in my system. While it in some ways feels like a lifetime ago, it can also feel very close at times.  I do still very much have fears when it comes to medications and I have an issue with being hyper-aware of my body all the time like I'm still worried it's coming back at the slighted headache/ache pain, but I'm so thankful to report that it hasn't! I have had about 5 years now what I would consider normalcy.

I won't go into a lot of detail as my experience was pretty well documented on this site and should still be around, but I choose not to look or dig. Briefly, I was put on an insane starting dose of 4mgs of clonazepam from a quack doctor (I had no idea) for some nerve pain that doctors could not seem to resolve. I took the medication as prescribed for the better part of a year and did an aggressive 4-month taper. What followed was 5 years of living hell. I'll quote what I said at my 6-year update.

I was a very outgoing guy, got along with everyone, always wanted to be out doing something to a complete lunatic in the span of days. I experienced just about all the symptoms, but the worst where probably extreme through the roof anxiety, manic,muscle pain all over body, body shakes (felt like laying on a washing machine when i slept), terrible headaches everyday for a very long time, felt like someone welded a metal band around my head too tight. The worst part of all of it is that I have difficultly remembered things that happened before i started taking the clonazepam  (like it erased a lot of detail).

I ask that those of you who are in early withdrawal not to panic or be scared of what I just said because In the time that I was active on this forum I saw many people come and go, not everyone experiences protracted withdrawal. For those of you that are, I want to you take that as hope that it does eventually end.

I'm proof of that. I'm here at 10 years free from the drug and have spent the last 5 years living my life! Has my life been perfect since the w/d symptoms eased? Hell no, but you know coming from a point of not wanting to go on another day, hour, or minute I'm so happy to be here and to experience the good and the bad times!

I pray that the majority of people who read this post have no idea who I am! To those of you who remember me, please know that I have not forgotten and do think of all of you often!

- Dane

All in all, it took you five years to feel better?

Did you have a gradual decrease in symptoms over time or was it really rapid?

Hi Dane,

I remember you. You are an inspiration to me. Thanks for coming back and writing this. It has been really hard for me too. You are a brave and successful.  I am so proud of you. I appreciate you, and it is so great to see this update. I wish you health and happiness.

Love,

Summer 

Thank you for this post. I am happy for you

I am 5 years behind you and still see the process of healing. I hope it will continue.

Dane 

Thank you for coming back to share. It means so much !

Nice! Thanks for coming back.

I am getting close to TWO YEARS...most days I feel good, then I will have a couple of down weeks mostly because of sleep. I will wake up between 2 to 4 Am and my thoughts wont stop...

But when I do get those good weeks it seems they are improving....I was thinking the other day that I never mentioned my slowed heart rate due to, I think, the benzo. I had and still to some degree benzo rage. I never hit my wife or kids but they and what friends I have left said I was angry all the time. I am a big guy so I think I scared them. Very sad as I am or at least used to be a docile individual.  And like you I was always outgoing, enjoyed about anything. Liked people but not so much now.....

I was on clonanzepam too. The dr. always told me we would retire together...what he meant was he would retire and leave me screwed. He is a POS....I saw him one day and it was all I could do not to get kick his ass for ruining 20+ years of my life....

Back to you. Keep giving people hope....

J

Dane and JPete... thanks so much for coming back to give us hope! I'm only one month off and feeling as low as ever.

SO VERY HAPPY BOTH OF YOU ARE HEALED!

Thank you so much for coming back and providing this update; it is so very appreciated.

At 3.5 years off and still healing, I experience times when I'm convinced I'll never fully heal, and these success stories, especially protracted ones, renew my hope and faith that I will get there.

Thanks again!

Thank you very much for coming back and let us know there is hope.

You suffered very long time and I saw you had a very bad headpain for extended time.. So happy to see it is gone and you living your best life.

Your post definitely giving me hope my headpain will end one day... thank you

I remember you Dane... back then I rarely posted due to the organic fear come terror, but I used to read everything... 👀

You probably won’t remember me as a result of that.

Great to hear you’ve come through it all... 💯

Just perfect... ✊🏻

Hi Dane.  Thanks for posting your comments. Like Wonder Woman, I really needed to hear some encouragement today and am trying to maintain some  positivity that someday I’ll be where you are.

Thank you!

2cats