New Member, 4 Months CT XANAX

Hello, I am Michellee, I am here from Benzo withdrawal videos on YouTube and decided to create an account. I have been on Xanax on and off for about 4-5 years. I am currently 26 years old. I am not sure how many mg I was taking but I know it increased to 3 to 4 pills. I would take them once or twice a week for sleep and would go anywhere between a week or three weeks at a time without taking them. I’ve always had a duration of not taking them versus taking them on a day to day bases. As crazy as it seems, I never thought I had a problem cuz I would take them every now and then when I wanted some good sleep and then I wouldn’t touch them for another week or so afterwards sometimes even longer. I never craved the pill, it was only something to make me sleep better. I really thought I had things under control but I was wrong. In Sept 2020, I decided to stop taking the pills because I’ve been trying to conceive and I’ve always wondered if the Xanax was the reason why I haven’t been able to. After I stopped, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and I noticed my nerves were extremely shot but I never connected the dots that I was withdrawing from Xanax. I’m not sure what I thought was the cause of it, but I know I didn’t think it was the pills or withdrawal for that matter. Well, I was wrong again! Then, I started twitching and having muscle spasms, which made me google the symptoms and boom, there is was..XANAX WITHDRAWAL! After reading everything, I was scared, devastated, and hurt that I’ve caused all this and not knowing the dangers of taking these pills. For some reason, I’ve always thought being addicted or dependent on a drug meant being on the streets doing any and everything for it, so of course, it I just knew I wasn’t in that category. Haha I was Wrong Again! When I started experiencing the symptoms, I panicked and took 3 pills before picking my mom up from work. The next morning, she told me that I was hallucinating while driving on the freeway claiming things were running across the road. She claimed we almost wrecked multiple times and how she was afraid that something bad was going to happen to us. She doesn’t know how to drive so of course I had to drive us home. I was so embarrassed because I’ve always hid the fact that I would take the pills and now everything had hit the fan. Afterwards, I was out my mind and didn’t even know it until she told me she would See me staring into space confused or having a whole conversation with myself. Well, luckily after 2-3 weeks, everything subsided. I was able to eat, sleep, and do just about everything except I get a little nervous around people especially when I’m out grocery shopping but I continue to expose myself to those environments so I’ll get use to them like I was before the withdrawal set in and it has helped a lot. It has now been 4 months since I’ve taken my panic dose and I’m actually alright, I still work, enjoy my free time, and do everything I would normally do before all of this happened. I still have weird dreams and constant thoughts from time to time but nothing major (NOT BRAGGING) my issue is that, I have read a lot where a person could feel fine for 6 months and fall into post acute withdrawal, which I am very terrified of. I know everyone is different but I have thoughts about it every now and again and questions on how to prepare myself if it does happen? I never knew about tampering so I just completely stopped. I’m wondering if the weeks that I would go without it helped my process?? I never had symptoms when I would go without it though. I know it is best to tamper and ween yourself off, but in my mind I wonder if adding a long acting benzo in replace of a short acting benzo effects the brain even more? I mean you are consuming more or different chemicals and toxins..right?..just a thought, I am not a medical professional or a scientist so I wouldn’t really know the type of chemical reaction or imbalance it would cause if there is any. I’m just wondering if my CT would cause problems in the future due to not properly weening myself off even if I’ve been fine for 4 months?

Hello Michellee,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies. Drugs like xanax, benzos, are very tricky. Even with sporadic, irregular use a physical dependency can develop.  It is not an addiction, people aren't actively seeking the drug. The changes that benzos make to the central nervous system cause the physical dependence.

 

Stopping cold turkey can be rough. It sounds like you had some fairly severe symptoms. But, you are off benzos now and appear to be doing well.

 

Not everyone will have a difficult, long lasting recovery. Try not to worry if the shoe is going to drop and symptom increase. It appears that you are over the worst of withdrawal. You are able to live your life and that is just wonderful. I would suggest you keep doing what you are doing and enjoy being benzo free.

 

I will give you a link to the Post Withdrawal Recovery board where you can post and receive feedback from others.  I'm pleased that you are feeling so well after 4 month cold turkey.  Settle in and ask questions, we're here to help.

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

pianogirl 

@pianogirl Thank you for your reply and encouraging words. I will continue to be positive and move forward. May I ask, how are things going for you? Do you have any other advice that may be helpful. Any tips or suggestions on lifestyle or healthy changes I could make to further support my healing?

@pianogirl Thank you for your reply and encouraging words. I will continue to be positive and move forward. May I ask, how are things going for you? Do you have any other advice that may be helpful. Any tips or suggestions on lifestyle or healthy changes I could make to further support my healing?

 

Good morning Michellee,

 

I am well and have been healed for many years. My recovery took a while but I'm glad I persevered. Any healthy lifestyle changes will pay benefits in the long run. For myself, acceptance and patience was key.  Your nervous system will seek to find balance again and it will work towards that goal.

 

Since you took benzos for sleep it might be good to find non drug methods to help with this. Good sleep hygiene is important and finding tools to deal with the issues keeping you awake. 

 

You are very young and have a good long life ahead of you.  I think you made the right decision to leave benzos behind.

 

PG