6 Month Milestone

6 months since my last tiny dose of diazepam. I was feeling very positive, coping well, lot of weed. Now I'm really putting the pieces back together, not taking as much weed. And I feel really good a lot of the time. I do a lot to help myself but I am aware that I am lucky to be able to. I know that others don't have the strength and must rebuild more slowly.

 

My problems were mostly psychological, I feel that I got off lightly with physical symptoms. But my jaw pain cleared up completely overnight when I was about 60 hours into a water fast. I got into cold showers and breathing exercises and I feel pretty epic. My tinnitus seems to be reducing ever so slightly. That makes me really happy, although I'm not allowing myself to believe it's likely to go completely. I am used to it by now but I want to experience silence again before I die. I feel really light, lately. Sometimes I push a bit too much and I have to sit down which is not normal for me. But on the whole I am regaining strength.

 

The big deal is that I really feel happy a lot of the time. It's slightly weird though, because things have been a little difficult in my personal life, people I care about going through some difficult times. Not a lot extra on top of what many people are experiencing with the pandemic and whatever else but a few things happening at once and quite a lot to process. It almost feels inappropriate to be joyful. I'm having something like deja vu except more precise. Like I am feeling a certain way that takes me back to a very specific setting a long time ago in my life.

 

I don't think it's possible I'll be the same as I was before psych meds but I don't want to be. I know there's some healing to go. My life is a mess through benzos. On paper, I am a failure. Yet, I feel good. There are some really decent people here, thanks for reading.

Cool, Buddie, congratulations! Thanks for the update. I know what you mean about it feels off to feel happy when others, close to you or in our world, are suffering. It's a somber time in the world.

 

I too have grown a lot since my journey of tapering ambien started at the end of September. Getting connected here means everything to my taper and I learned that no, in face, I do not want to use Benzes for anxiety. I'm so grateful that I'm learning about cognitive behavior support and have learned sooo much from others here.

 

Wishing you, and all who read this thread, well.

 

Kachina

Thanks a lot.

 

I didn't post here when I was going through the worst of it but I had read stories at an earlier date. I'm sure it helped me to stay relatively calm (friends and family would NOT agree with this summation  ) despite the sheer mental chaos and the people around me panicking.

 

As my recovery settled into something more manageable, I started to realise that it wouldn't be desirable to spend my life under the influence of a tranquilizer even if "it works". I don't think it's a good idea for anybody. I am certain that there are better options than benzos for every indication they are utilised for outside of a clinical setting. Now it's obvious to me, I don't have to think about it. I know that this forum has largely driven this shift in mindset. The recognition that psych meds are not an option is a liberation. The false promise that they give can too often restrict people from considering other options that are far more likely to help and without the risk drastic consequences.

Way to go Diaz! Keep going my friend. You got this!

Congratulations on your 6 months BAM, I'm glad to see you're experiencing happiness and I know what you mean about being a failure on paper.  The wreckage created during our time on benzo's is devastating but when we emerge from it, free of the pain, joy is what we feel.  You have time to put your life back together again and it will be so much easier without the fog of benzo's and the pain they inflict on us.  I'm happy for you.

So happy for you x amazingly done x 

That is so awesome and encouraging! Thank you for writing this and best wishes to you - you are so supportive of everyone here (even when you are being real with us - haha)

I always enjoy reading your posts and appreciate the support you give to so many!  Sounds like you are heading for the exit door from Benzoland, and that is the best news I have heard all day!!  Congratulations :thumbsup:

Dear diaz-e-BAM,

So happy to read that you feel joyful!  You deserve it! I can imagine how it might feel awkward while others are going through struggles, but the truth is that we can best help other people if we are well ourselves. By being joyful you can not only offer others love and hope but also show the way to their own joyfulness if you open up about your story. Embrace this nice feeling, enjoy it, share it with others!

Thank you for sharing

Sorry the short post..

So good to read..!! -and thanks for all you do here.. There is often much for me to learn from your posts and from perspectives outside of my experiences..

You will do great at “operation life rebuild”..

 

Thanks everybody.

 

I sorta forgot I'd said this. It feels so long ago already and I'm doing better still.

 

Happy healing to one and all.