Feeling much better at 18 months, completely pharmaceutical free.

So first off, I'm not having acute symptoms and going through hell all day everyday and hallucinating anymore. I think I'm past my acute stage now. I still have lots of symptoms throughout the day and I'm still home bound for the most part but it's getting better.

 

18 months to be going through cold turkey off of Klonopin is a little bit too long, maybe I should have tapered. But now I'm starting to think everybody heals naturally without any kind of doctors and pills.

 

Two weeks ago I quit taking my Propranolol and primidone as well so now I'm not taking anything at all. Now my progress is going much quicker and I felt like I was being held up by the other meds but not any longer.

 

I'm also thinking maybe I never had anything wrong with me and I don't have any mental health conditions and doctors made a mistake.

So first off, I'm not having acute symptoms and going through hell all day everyday and hallucinating anymore. I think I'm past my acute stage now. I still have lots of symptoms throughout the day and I'm still home bound for the most part but it's getting better.

 

18 months to be going through cold turkey off of Klonopin is a little bit too long, maybe I should have tapered. But now I'm starting to think everybody heals naturally without any kind of doctors and pills.

 

Two weeks ago I quit taking my Propranolol and primidone as well so now I'm not taking anything at all. Now my progress is going much quicker and I felt like I was being held up by the other meds but not any longer.

 

I'm also thinking maybe I never had anything wrong with me and I don't have any mental health conditions and doctors made a mistake.

 

It is amazing how different you are talking today. Still remember how you were at the very beginning, you would have killed me as I told you, maybe you do not need all the meds

I am very happy and you can be proud of yourself. however, I am med free now for almost 5 years and in the last year it was like making such a huge step forward, I am sure you will see this progress to continue and 18 months is just not much time. So there is even more hope. I wish you a good life, be kind to yourself.

That's awesome, congrats. 5 years is a long time, hopefully you can just look back at the withdrawal days like it's not that big of a deal and just a bump in the road instead of trauma.

 

And yeah I think it was just my acute stage that is healing now, but I'm sure I still have years of recovering. I still feel limited on a day-to-day basis and really tense and still have agoraphobia. Sleep is still all over the place instead of a schedule. It is still hard to do things like cook but I'm starting to do it anyways. It will all be okay soon.

That's awesome, congrats. 5 years is a long time, hopefully you can just look back at the withdrawal days like it's not that big of a deal and just a bump in the road instead of trauma.

 

And yeah I think it was just my acute stage that is healing now, but I'm sure I still have years of recovering. I still feel limited on a day-to-day basis and really tense and still have agoraphobia. Sleep is still all over the place instead of a schedule. It is still hard to do things like cook but I'm starting to do it anyways. It will all be okay soon.

 

We grow after a trauma. Depends on how we react on it. I have learned all life lessons in these 5 years and in the years before, while being polydrugged. That is a fact. And I am so hungry for life and can enjoy sooo many things now. Life is so precious and worthful now. The thought that catching Covid could end this new born life is really not nice, but it just shows how much I love being alive now! Feeling life, living life. And with this feeling, it is hard to explain, but I try, .. it does not matter that I am not a fully healthy person, it is the way I can feel myself and life to the fullest now.

 

Go and get what you can! Life is good

I completely relate to the appreciation of life. Before when I was taking pills I didn't want to live at all, life was just a hassle to live. Each day that I woke up was like a prison sentence. But now that I am getting better, it's easier to get up and there's more to look forward to.

That's awesome, JIT. 

 

I feel like I'm on a mystery adventure cos it keeps getting better. Now I'm at the point where I know I am not fully well, but can't really imagine feeling too much better. It would be nice to get better sleep, but I do alright and I am getting a little extra without stirring. For a while I have been doing 3 cycles of a bit more than 1.5 hours to get between 4.5-5 hours of sleep before waking and then not being able to get much more sleep normally. Now I'm doing 3 cycles, but when I stir I can get back to sleep for another cycle. So I'm getting 4 cycles more consistently. I am probably holding myself back by not having great sleep hygiene. Sorry, rambling about me. Just relating to what you said about appreciating things and looking forward.

Thanks for this thread, it's WONDERFUL! Congratulations on your freedom, folks!

 

Yes, I do feel much much happier knowing I'm heading off my main med and that trying others to manage life's feelings is no longer an option. I am so relieved and enjoying life more and yes, sad that I gave that time away to dependency and all that came with it.

 

Cheers,

Kachina

That's awesome guys, we are on our ways. Diazepam oh, I know what you're talking about with the sleep cycles. Whenever I was going through the worst of it, I didn't get any sleep for a couple months. And then after that I would sleep during the day sometimes and then sometimes at night. And then after I got past my year mark, sometimes I would sleep half the night and wake up and then sleep a couple hours during the day as well. Now at 18 months, I sleep pretty much all night even though I go to bed late and then I take a couple naps during the day.

 

And yeah it's pretty scary being off of your last Pharmacy pill. You tend to have things go through your mind like am I going to have panic attacks or am I going to have a heart attack? Or will I be able to go for walks around people? Or what if people see me while I'm taking out the trash? Luckily, things will just keep improving and none of that will matter.

 

I'm still having a lot of withdrawal from my Propranolol and getting huge heart beat jumps and blood pressure spikes so that's pretty scary so I'm trying to take it as easy as possible. One day I can look back and think to myself, why did I ever trust a doctor? I should have trusted myself instead. Part of this process is learning to think for yourself and do the research first before believing anybody about anything.