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Short Term User


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Short term user. Started due to a loss of my mom suddenly and tragically. Mid September-Xanax 0.25mg took intermittently and sometimes half that dose off and on every few days just once from then til mid October probably took maybe 10 pills. sometimes would go a week between dose and then consecutively once a day at bedtime for 2 weeks that began @10/27. DP started pretty bad around this time had no idea what it was until later. Stopped this after the 2 weeks.

Then after that 2 weeks ( I may have missed a dose or took less than the dose here in there in the 2 weeks)

Then kolonopin instead. Used 0.5 one day at bed and then 0.25 the next at bed didn’t like it stopped.

Then tried Ativan per the doctor for sleep. 0.5. I would alternate between 0.5 and 0.25 only at bed time did this for 9 days before deciding to taper. Tapered 1 week.

Now 5.5 weeks since taper. Needing some advice. Thank you

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Hi Lovingkindness :hug: Welcome to Benzobuddies

 

I am glad that you found us, you will get plenty of support here.  I am very sorry for the loss of your Mom, my heart goes out to you.  It must have been a very traumatic time for you, losing her so suddenly!    It was quite a fast taper, what symptoms do you have?  Withdrawal symptoms can take quite a while to settle down, it will get better but it takes time.  Please feel free to post question, you will be able to connect with others who understand what you're going through.    . 

 

I suggest you read The Ashton Manual, reading this will give you a better understanding on why you feel the way you do.  It is a great resource for understanding the effect benzo’s have on our body, It also includes a list of common symptoms 

 

Here are a few helpful links

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post withdrawal recovery support.  this is a good place to start posting any questions you may have. 

 

If you would like to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

 

Welcome aboard

Magrita

 

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Lovingkindness,

I am truly sorry for your loss. These things can come as such a shock to us and take a toll on us. Grief is complicated and definitely takes time.

I hope you make yourself at home on the sight. There are many kind ppl here. I hope you find the support and answers you need.

 

Welcome. :smitten:

 

ps..there is life after benzo meds...a good life.

 

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Thank you. I am trying to get through it all. Taking the benzos right away at that time didn’t help I realized. I wondered why I felt more and more weird and different. Everyone said it was the grief but I think it was the meds. I am glad I am off of them but I really hope to feel more normal soon. I can’t describe really if I have “symptoms” it just feels like I get nervous very easy now, and that it’s hard to handle many stressors, hard to make decisions, overall just sad. Feel like I’m obsessing about how I feel all the time because I know i just don’t feel like me, and the past few months have been so traumatic.

So sometimes I just wonder if it even is the meds that made me feel weird, and that made my sleep even worse (still not good but a little better) or if this is just some normal anxiety (doesn’t feel like h to any kind I have ever had) or if it’s because of healing from the medicine. I was only on intermittently very sporadic for a few weeks and then consistent night time low dose for about 3 weeks and I tapered for 1 week because I didn’t think I needed to taper longer than I was on it.

Anyway I struggle to know what is just anxiety or what could be withdrawl? Since I just seem to have more mental symptoms. Intrusive thoughts or worried about the ones i had at the beginning of this while still on it, and just overall lack of Focus since this is all I can focus on. I thought I had OCD because of the obsessive thinking and worrying being stuck on the worry of the intrusive thoughts, but I didn’t really have sny issue like this before? Just mild worry before. It is frustrating, mostly just sad.

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Thank you. I am trying to get through it all. Taking the benzos right away at that time didn’t help I realized. I wondered why I felt more and more weird and different. Everyone said it was the grief but I think it was the meds. I am glad I am off of them but I really hope to feel more normal soon. I can’t describe really if I have “symptoms” it just feels like I get nervous very easy now, and that it’s hard to handle many stressors, hard to make decisions, overall just sad. Feel like I’m obsessing about how I feel all the time because I know i just don’t feel like me, and the past few months have been so traumatic.

So sometimes I just wonder if it even is the meds that made me feel weird, and that made my sleep even worse (still not good but a little better) or if this is just some normal anxiety (doesn’t feel like h to any kind I have ever had) or if it’s because of healing from the medicine. I was only on intermittently very sporadic for a few weeks and then consistent night time low dose for about 3 weeks and I tapered for 1 week because I didn’t think I needed to taper longer than I was on it.

Anyway I struggle to know what is just anxiety or what could be withdrawl? Since I just seem to have more mental symptoms. Intrusive thoughts or worried about the ones i had at the beginning of this while still on it, and just overall lack of Focus since this is all I can focus on. I thought I had OCD because of the obsessive thinking and worrying being stuck on the worry of the intrusive thoughts, but I didn’t really have sny issue like this before? Just mild worry before. It is frustrating, mostly just sad.

 

Absolutely everything you've listed here are withdrawal symptoms, they aren't you and they won't be you when you recover from this.  Please don't question yourself about any of these symptoms, trust us and trust what you read in chapter 3 of  The Ashton Manual where you'll see all of these listed and why you feel them.

 

You're going to be well again, I'm so very sorry for your loss but please know that you haven't lost yourself.  :smitten:

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thanks for responding. I dont know why I question it all the time. It's just i didnt think since i didnt take it very long and was sometimes consistent but sometimes not that it would have caused all this. Sometimes Im just wondering if I'm making all of this up.... I was so careful taking the med and didnt want to be on it long thats why I got off of it quickly after being on it off and on for 4 weeks or so... 1 week taper, not probably slow enough but i wanted off it. I experienced a very strange moment of paranoia sort of, cant really explain it, while still on it and started some intrusive really scary thoughts, became afraid of certain objects etc. theres more to it and for a week or so I just had all these morbid thoughts popping up, ive never ever had a thought process like that before? I was worried I was losing my mind and that I might lose control or something because I had no idea what was going on. Once that happened it seemed like its been kind of off and on again of weird thoughts. Ive intermittently had hard times watching tv because some weird ones would pop in my head too. I just feel overall a sense of not me. I mean i know I went through a traumatic loss (reason why i started a med) but i dont think grief does that? I sometimes just feel so sad now because I just feel off. I dont have any other physical symptoms, and just have some struggle with sleep but again I had that problem because I was stressed from the loss (another reason why i took the med, only at bed) I feel like I just ramble on about how I feel these days, and it seems obsessive how much I think and talk about not feeling like myself. I went from being 100 percent normal, happy, just had gotten married, to like complete change. I cant make much sense of it really.

 

Also I was put on antidepressant for mild anxiety 6 years prior (minor panic attacks every couple years, and some driving anxiety after a big move) i stayed on the same dose and never thought of it... I stopped it over 1 month (didnt know any better) but I didnt have any side effects from it actually. I had been off that about 6 months prior to all of this. I dont think that could have played a role ? They did try to start me back on it but within 2 days i had terrible phyiscla side effects i stopped it after 10 days- and then about a month later they tried zoloft and again i didnt like it and stopped it after only 5 days. I guess SSRIS just dont agree with me anymore, but I dont know is anyone ever confused of whats going on with them, and did i do too much damage???

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Lovingkindness -

 

We’re in a very similar place - I could’ve written much of your last couple of posts. I started on Klonopin in October to “bridge” new antidepressants that ramped up my existing anxiety. It never really helped, but I stayed on it thinking the AD might kick in and I could drop it then. 

 

By the end of November, I started suspecting the K was the cause of my worsening anxiety and depression (insane anhedonia right now), so I started a taper. I’ve gone from 1mg 2xday to .25 in am and .125 in pm. A bit rapid by some standards, but I’ve been mostly miserable for 3.5 mos, so I’m hoping I’m tolerating the worst of it and can keep doing so til I’m off it and beyond.

 

I empathize with your feelings of unease and wondering what you should expect as normal either now or in the near future. I know I’m feeling WAY more anxious and depressed than before September, but I have some underlying anxiety and depression, so I’m unclear on how much better I can expect to feel once my brain has healed.

 

My heart hurts for you.

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