4.5 years off. what a journey.

Dear buddies. I’ve been 4.5 years benzo-free now, and glad to be posting here now. I’ll be short and sweet. I got on oxazepam because of severe insomnia, complex trauma, and OCD during grad school. After I completed my studies, my psychiatrist tapered me off rapidly and I found myself unable to function… they didn’t mention that Masters degrees mean nothing when you can’t even look at a computer screen! However, I can’t believe I’m saying now that this journey has been a blessing. I realized that I’ve been coping with the pandemic unusually well because I focused on coping skills and healthy habits so much in the last several years. I practice mindfulness, yoga therapy, iRest, TRE, DBT, and CBT, mostly through workbooks and online resources. I also managed digestive problems with a dietician. Although it has been socially isolating even before the pandemic, I was able to feel connected through spiritual community and practices. I have let go of all toxic people in my life and was able to discern a few true friends. I’m totally OK without a Facebook account and 500 fake friends! I am living much more simply and frugally, and have learned to enjoy the little things. I think the most valuable things I developed through this crazy mess was learning to be content, being able to tap into intuitive wisdom, and knowing that there is truly something unshakable inside of me no matter what. It's inside all of us. I feel connected to God, and I understand if you can’t relate, but my experience was discovering an indescribable feeling of being protected, loved, and held by something mysterious and beautiful, especially during my darkest moments. Although I still have a few symptoms that flare up here and there, I am able to witness them mindfully most of the time, and not let them sweep me away. Benzo withdrawal is really, really really, REALLY hard… and I really hope more of our voices will be heard, validated, and supported properly in the medical system. I do want to say though that there is a chance that you actually might come out better than other folks who take their health and privileges for granted. So I send great blessings to you all. Love and strength be with you, and remember... be excessively gentle with yourself.

Thank you for this.

Dear buddies. I’ve been 4.5 years benzo-free now, and glad to be posting here now. I’ll be short and sweet. I got on oxazepam because of severe insomnia, complex trauma, and OCD during grad school. After I completed my studies, my psychiatrist tapered me off rapidly and I found myself unable to function… they didn’t mention that Masters degrees mean nothing when you can’t even look at a computer screen! However, I can’t believe I’m saying now that this journey has been a blessing. I realized that I’ve been coping with the pandemic unusually well because I focused on coping skills and healthy habits so much in the last several years. I practice mindfulness, yoga therapy, iRest, TRE, DBT, and CBT, mostly through workbooks and online resources. I also managed digestive problems with a dietician. Although it has been socially isolating even before the pandemic, I was able to feel connected through spiritual community and practices. I have let go of all toxic people in my life and was able to discern a few true friends. I’m totally OK without a Facebook account and 500 fake friends! I am living much more simply and frugally, and have learned to enjoy the little things. I think the most valuable things I developed through this crazy mess was learning to be content, being able to tap into intuitive wisdom, and knowing that there is truly something unshakable inside of me no matter what. It's inside all of us. I feel connected to God, and I understand if you can’t relate, but my experience was discovering an indescribable feeling of being protected, loved, and held by something mysterious and beautiful, especially during my darkest moments. Although I still have a few symptoms that flare up here and there, I am able to witness them mindfully most of the time, and not let them sweep me away. Benzo withdrawal is really, really really, REALLY hard… and I really hope more of our voices will be heard, validated, and supported properly in the medical system. I do want to say though that there is a chance that you actually might come out better than other folks who take their health and privileges for granted. So I send great blessings to you all. Love and strength be with you, and remember... be excessively gentle with yourself.

 

 

That was beautiful! Thank you!!