Alcohol plus benzos minus alcohol ( plus benzos ++?)

I am confused. My benzo is klonopin. I was suddenly dropped from 2-2.5 grams daily to .5 (2x/day so 1 mg) last February. I started in 2013 at 3 times a day (1 mg) and always bragged that I always had extra. It's been a steady but erratic downhill drop. I was a clinical social worker. I was in an accident and got put on a bunch of meds and stopped taking them when I realized I was getting so bloated. I drank daily. i made marijuana edibles. I just had so much (emotional) pain. I won't get into all of that. In 2017 I worked my last day. I guess my question involves how much k to take as I am very very depressed and I have crippling anxiety. It's very distressful. I have children and I am alone with them. I do not have a supportive doctor but I may soon. I was drinking and taking my 1 mg ( 2 .5's) every night. I have been off alcohol since Xmas day ( after drinking xmas eve and forgetting a lot of important stuff). I have tremendous guilt. I feel I am tapering from the combo itself. I continue my .5  times per day. I would like to taper off all but one thing at a time. I started reading the manual and got confused. My goal for now is to stay on the .5 two times a day for at least spring. I know it's been somewhat quick because of the doctor but I don't want to go back, but I don't feel stable. Going into a hopsital or being 100% honest with my thoughts and feelings arent an option as I have my children and we have nobody else. I got rid of the weed and I'm determned to stay off alcohol ( bad pains in my lower abdomen help with this decision as they have disappeared when I am not drinking). I just want to make it. I only recently learned about the way the k has been a major factor in my personality changes throughout the past years. Thanks for any advice or feedback. I know this does not make a lot of sense. Or maybe it does? I am so tired of this.

Hey Annie. You've been through a lot! It's good that you've stopped drinking. My own drinking only added to my misery when I realized I was in tolerance to Ativan. I stopped cold turkey as you did, apparently. Strangely, I didn't suffer for the abrupt cessation of alcohol. It was the Ativan that was making me nuts. Try not to feel guilty, okay? We've all been there and have felt rotten about ourselves and whatever led us to fall down the benzo rabbit hole. About this:

 

My goal for now is to stay on the .5 two times a day for at least spring.

 

I think that's wise. I understand about the anxiety and depression. It's miserable. I saw my therapist (she's an LCSW btw) all through my taper and she was a great help. Having someone in your corner is so important, I think.

 

As for a supportive doctor, many of us, faced with the sad reality of not finding any doc who knows anything about benzo w/d, decided to just find someone (I found a nurse practitioner) to prescribe our benzos. We relied on each other for tapering help.

 

My advice is, just try to get stable. Then once you feel better, you can think about a taper. We'll be here to help you.

 

Best wishes,

 

 

Katz

Thank you. I saw a site-not sure which one-where doctors are identified that help and have actually thought of moving to a city just for this reason! The doctors in NV didn't seem to care about me! LOL. I did leave some good ones from the midwest/great lakes area who knew a lot about my life and PTSD ( which I made worse ). I agree the drinking made everything suck! Sometimes I would get in moods so dark and horrendous I felt I hd to drink. Vicious cycle. Dark and evil thoughts and scary to be never knowing when they're coming. I will just keep track of my progress and journal. If anyone knows of a city or place with good treatment ( outpatient and not rehab) please let me know. I am going crazy looking & searching.