Who has a reinstated benzo?

I reinstated (at the advice of others) after a rapid taper, still waiting to stabilize, getting close, hope to start tapering sometime in the new year.

Thanks for the answer. I understood from your signature that you did it in 10 days.

I was once restored. I had an anxiety attack and took a rescue dose of clonazepam and got kindled. Damn the day I did it. Better to die than take this poison again.

I, too, came to the conclusion that it will do nothing and will only make it worse.

I was once restored. I had an anxiety attack and took a rescue dose of clonazepam and got kindled. Damn the day I did it. Better to die than take this poison again.

Three weeks into my cold-turkey/"rescue" binge, I took a 5 mg diazepam for sleep (had akathisia and heart palpitations), the day after I still had akathesia, so again took 5 mg diazepam for sleep, and then all the symptoms were gone. Absolutely all. Didn't feel better in a long time. It lasted a few days. Considering how long that lasted I could've probably stabilized at 2 mg or 3 mg diazepam / day. In hindsight it should've led to successful reinstatement, and a slow taper afterwards. I'm an idiot, what else can I say. Currently, I'm no longer having waves and windows, maybe reinstatement would work, but I don't know.

I was once restored. I had an anxiety attack and took a rescue dose of clonazepam and got kindled. Damn the day I did it. Better to die than take this poison again.

Something similar happened to me. Tapered off benzos, was asymptomatic, tried amitriptyline for sleep, which had exactly the opposite effect. Then after days and days of not sleeping even micro-sleeps took 60 mg diazepam in two days, which threw me into cold-turkey withdrawals.

 

Three weeks into my cold-turkey/"rescue" binge, I took a 5 mg diazepam for sleep (had akathisia and heart palpitations), the day after I still had akathesia, so again took 5 mg diazepam for sleep, and then all the symptoms were gone. Absolutely all. Didn't feel better in a long time. It lasted a few days. Considering how long that lasted I could've probably stabilized at 2 mg or 3 mg diazepam / day. In hindsight it should've led to successful reinstatement, and a slow taper afterwards. I'm an idiot, what else can I say. Currently, I'm no longer having waves and windows, maybe reinstatement would work, but I don't know.

You will recover, but it will take longer. Once "kindling ", the cooldown is doubled. At twice "kindling " it triples. This is why some of us take so long to recover.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6761822/

The only thing I regret is my youth, which will pass in agony.

You will recover, but it will take longer. Once "kindling ", the cooldown is doubled. At twice "kindling " it triples. This is why some of us take so long to recover.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6761822/

 

The only thing I regret is my youth, which will pass in agony.

You will recover, but it will take longer. Once "kindling ", the cooldown is doubled. At twice "kindling " it triples. This is why some of us take so long to recover.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6761822/

 

The only thing I regret is my youth, which will pass in agony.

I'm losing hope as the time goes by.

Pace please please don't loose hope.  Your brain is in a complete benzo withdrawal fog and it is playing nasty tricks on you.  You will heal, you will get better.  Come on lovely - you got this - you have to draw that hope from places inside you you never knew existed.  You have a family.  You can and you will do this.  I promise you will get through it - I absolutely know you will.  Please take it one second at a time, watch some complete brainless shit on the disney channel -give yourself time to heal.  It is maddening that we don't know how long it will take and that it isn't linear - it's so so unfair.  But you are bigger than this - you are so much bigger and brighter than benzo withdrawal.  You got this girl - I know you do. Keep going - one foot in front of the other.  Don't give in the to tricks your benzo brain is playing on  you .  Repeat after me and repeat time and time again "I am healing, I healing, I am healing, physically,,mentally and emotionally, I am strong, I am brave, I am a wonderful person and I am doing well". Pace please please don't loose hope.  Please.  You are worth so much more than your brain is telling you right now.  I know that in a couple of months I'm going to be reading some amazing words from you.  And you will look back and marvel at what an amazingly strong, courageous and brave woman you are.  Forgive yourself.  You are the only one that can. Beating yourself up with a stick doesn't ever work - especially in the midsts of Benzo withdrawal.  Please know that here I am - sitting in the middle of summer many oceans away - cheering you on.  You can do this Pace.  Keep going.

Pace please please don't loose hope.  Your brain is in a complete benzo withdrawal fog and it is playing nasty tricks on you.  You will heal, you will get better.  Come on lovely - you got this - you have to draw that hope from places inside you you never knew existed.  You have a family.  You can and you will do this.  I promise you will get through it - I absolutely know you will.  Please take it one second at a time, watch some complete brainless shit on the disney channel -give yourself time to heal.  It is maddening that we don't know how long it will take and that it isn't linear - it's so so unfair.  But you are bigger than this - you are so much bigger and brighter than benzo withdrawal.  You got this girl - I know you do. Keep going - one foot in front of the other.  Don't give in the to tricks your benzo brain is playing on  you .  Repeat after me and repeat time and time again "I am healing, I healing, I am healing, physically,,mentally and emotionally, I am strong, I am brave, I am a wonderful person and I am doing well". Pace please please don't loose hope.  Please.  You are worth so much more than your brain is telling you right now.  I know that in a couple of months I'm going to be reading some amazing words from you.  And you will look back and marvel at what an amazingly strong, courageous and brave woman you are.  Forgive yourself.  You are the only one that can. Beating yourself up with a stick doesn't ever work - especially in the midsts of Benzo withdrawal.  Please know that here I am - sitting in the middle of summer many oceans away - cheering you on.  You can do this Pace.  Keep going.

Pace please please don't loose hope.  Your brain is in a complete benzo withdrawal fog and it is playing nasty tricks on you.  You will heal, you will get better.  Come on lovely - you got this - you have to draw that hope from places inside you you never knew existed.  You have a family.  You can and you will do this.  I promise you will get through it - I absolutely know you will.  Please take it one second at a time, watch some complete brainless shit on the disney channel -give yourself time to heal.  It is maddening that we don't know how long it will take and that it isn't linear - it's so so unfair.  But you are bigger than this - you are so much bigger and brighter than benzo withdrawal.  You got this girl - I know you do. Keep going - one foot in front of the other.  Don't give in the to tricks your benzo brain is playing on  you .  Repeat after me and repeat time and time again "I am healing, I healing, I am healing, physically,,mentally and emotionally, I am strong, I am brave, I am a wonderful person and I am doing well". Pace please please don't loose hope.  Please.  You are worth so much more than your brain is telling you right now.  I know that in a couple of months I'm going to be reading some amazing words from you.  And you will look back and marvel at what an amazingly strong, courageous and brave woman you are.  Forgive yourself.  You are the only one that can. Beating yourself up with a stick doesn't ever work - especially in the midsts of Benzo withdrawal.  Please know that here I am - sitting in the middle of summer many oceans away - cheering you on.  You can do this Pace.  Keep going.

The problem's these evil thoughts that keep piling on. I have this image in my head of me, spending the rest of my life in a dark room, like a disabled recluse, not even able to listen to the music anymore, life and friends passing me by. How are you doing these days?

Oh lovely.  Yes I’ve had those kind of images & invading thoughts.  Please hang on - these are the nasty tricks that our brains play on us when we are trudging through the hell that benzo withdrawal is.  Please please know Pace that your I are of sitting in a room alone not being able to hear the music is just a benzo brain trick.  It is not the truth - not at all - you will indeed hear the music again. & you’ll do more than sit in a room listening to it - you will Dance madly again with the life of life flowing right through your veins - I know it & you must believe it.  Please pace. Hang on. You can get through this.  Like what Churchill said @when you’re going through hell, keep hoimg@. All you need to do now is breath, take care of yourself, Reef yourself good nutritious whole food, think kind gently without tea about yourself & too yourself.  You just believe you are teaming because you are.  You are NOT going insane - this insanity feeling that encroaches is like a claustrophobic cake us just another benzo brain lie. You are sane, you are healing.  You are going through hell, be gentle, be kind to yourself.  Teas lightly through this,  please please know you will indeed heal. I know you will.  I promise you will.  You are here to do amazing things pace, & it is up to you what you do with this experience. You have a wildly intelligent mind.  You can help change things when you are healed so that less & less people have to go through what we are going through.  You must start to do one kind thing for you self each say, one kind thought, one kind word.  Breathe deeply.  You got this girl.  It’s only pain & it’s not going to last forever - you must believe this. You are doing well. 

As we speak I’m doing well.  Still on the roller coaster of benzo revivers.  I’m almost a year out dive I jumped.  If I can get this far trudging through the out of hell with next to no support apart from what I get here, with a very rare genetic cancer mutation that many people them treat me as an untouchable, with a back injury that changed my life almost 15 years ago, nearly 59, unmarried, single, pretty much friendless, with all of this I have gotten thus far - almost a year out - so can you pace, you are strong. You are brave, you are courageous, your spirit, your soul is bigger than benzo withdrawal/recovery. I’m getting better & so will you, so are you intact.  It’s not a pace that we want or need but sometimes in life you go through hell & learn a mountain of lessons about outsell. About other people & about the world & in the end it’s all worth it. One day you will heal - you must believe this. Do one thing kind for tots self you wouldn’t usually do & PM me if you like - whenever you need or want too.  You are here to do amazing things pace. You must not give up.

You will recover, but it will take longer. Once "kindling ", the cooldown is doubled. At twice "kindling " it triples. This is why some of us take so long to recover.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6761822/

 

The only thing I regret is my youth, which will pass in agony.

I'm losing hope as the time goes by.

I'm sorry.    I don't know what else to say, headaches are clouding my thinking. I just feel bad that you feel bad because you have been so helpfull to so many.

Who has had such an experience?

Just wondering, did you ask this because you are thinking of reinstating?

I did because I still had Valium in my system, and a few strongly suggested I take advantage of the short window for doing so.

Just wondering, did you ask this because you are thinking of reinstating?

 

I did because I still had Valium in my system, and a few strongly suggested I take advantage of the short window for doing so.

Just wondering, did you ask this because you are thinking of reinstating?

 

I did because I still had Valium in my system, and a few strongly suggested I take advantage of the short window for doing so.

You know my story, I could've easily reinstated 3 weeks into my cold-turkey/setback. I was feeling great for days from only two days of 5 mg diazepam. But now it's a bit risky. So I started a thread with the idea I had. The idea is to take an ultrashort-acting benzo and if it immidiately makes you feel better, it's safe to reinstate. If it doesn't than you might need a long stabilization period, which is risky because stability may never come. But if it goes paradoxical at least you'll be detoxed in a couple of hours, rather than having to get hospitalized to get diazepam out of your system with flumazenil or plasmapheresis.

My question was to Arnold53 who started this thread, I wondered why he asked because he never did say he was thinking about doing it. I know your story, and I saw and responded to your other thread where you explained it being like Russian Roulette and was undecided.

Who has had such an experience?

 

 

Just wondering, did you ask this because you are thinking of reinstating?

 

I did because I still had Valium in my system, and a few strongly suggested I take advantage of the short window for doing so.

I am in a desperate and hopeless position. I am strangled and torn by muscle spasms and I considered any options. But, now I realized that it will give nothing.