21 Months today

I have come a very long way since April of 2018 when I began my taper ending to zero benzo on March 14, 2019. I dont think I will ever forget that day. Looking back I dont know how I made it. Life was so very hard!!!

Thankfully I had my faith and hope. Found a lot of hope by reading BB stories, reading where others succeeded and they were doing well gave me hope. And reading stories similar to mine made me realize I was in a battle.

I feel very good these days. My two issues are sleep and tinnitus. If I can get 7+ hours of good sleep I am golden. I have struggled a little lately in this area. I think some of it is because I dont have a schedule as I work from home due to this crazy covid lockdowns etc. I am working on this a little.

I feel very good. Gradually building my life back after 20+ benzo years. I am moving forward. I am blessed!!!

J

Congrats  :thumbsup:

So happy for you and hoping your last couple of Minor symptoms goes away soon. Did you had Dp/Dr and any other mental symptoms? By when did you start feeling really good .

Take care and wish you all the best  :smitten:

Hey JR,

I did have lots of Dp/Dr. I really noticed how bad it was when I started getting my brain back. People would tell me how different I used to be. I was a difficult and unhappy person. I would say around my 15 or 16 month mark I really started feeling better. My sleep improved exponentially. I think I mentioned I used Nyquil around this time last year for a cough I had....wow, that stuff hammered my sleep and I think threw me back into serious w/d. But all is good now.

I started last January trying to lose some weight and now I am down almost 30 lbs. I am a tall guy so I carried it okay but I was not healthy. Its hard to take care of yourself when you feel so bad. Again, I feel so much better mentally and physically! The best I have felt in 30 years. Looking back I struggled with depression for years and I know what caused that....now that I am off all the psychotic drugs I feel very good. I mean we all have something but overall I am much improved. I still struggle with the dp/dr so I am actively working on that....

Best wishes to you! You seem to be coming out of the worst so hang tough because it gets better with time. Stay healthy, exercise if you can find the energy and be faithful.

Merry Christmas to all!

Way to go J. Stone!!!

You've come so far, that's amazing after 20 years!

Continue to have Hope and Faith!

Were you able to work the entire time?

I just had to take a medical leave, as my cognition was starting to suffer, and I was having a hard time reading and understanding technical things that used to be so easy for me.

This has me greatly worried, as I still have a long taper ahead of me, and then eventual healing could mean I'm out of the work force for a few years.

Just wondering when you felt your cognition was better and work became possible and easier?

thanks,

WinnieDog

Congrats J Stone!

kanoba

Were you able to work the entire time?

I just had to take a medical leave, as my cognition was starting to suffer, and I was having a hard time reading and understanding technical things that used to be so easy for me.

This has me greatly worried, as I still have a long taper ahead of me, and then eventual healing could mean I'm out of the work force for a few years.

Just wondering when you felt your cognition was better and work became possible and easier?

 

thanks,

WinnieDog

Winnie, I lost my job in Sept. 2015 most likely due to my inability to function. I didnt know what or why that was happening but I knew I had become dysfunctional in many ways as I had been on clonezapam for approx. 15 years. By Gods grace I found a job somewhat related that only required me to walk the ship (I worked new construction on the new aircraft carrier). My function was really just to be visible and I would write a daily report of observations. I was observing the shipyard workers and construction of weapons elevators. My writing was never great but good by engineering standards. I have looked back at some of my reports and it was like a 6th grader had written sone of them. I managed make it four years but eventually was taken off the ship as I was falling asleep at lunch. I was really struggling. This occurred near the end of my taper and the first few months benzo free....life was hell there for a while. A shipyard can be a brutal place. I overheard some shipyard engineer calling me stupid and worse. They had no ideal what I was going through. I was taken off the ship in November and actually improved a lot up until now....

My cognitive abilities really declined over the years from the benzo use IMO. Thankfully, I have regained or made good progress in recovering my cognitive abilities. I have to work very hard at some functions. Working math problems and SUDOKO problems helps.

To those struggling, you have to work at it, its easy to get lazy.  Hang tough.

thanks Winnie....

wow, after being on clon for 20 years?! This is amazing, J!! you should be so proud. Congratulations! Here's hoping you continue to feel better and better.

Karen

thanks everyone... we all know the struggles of benzo w/d. My prayers are for everyone struggling during the taper and the following months. Life does begin to come back to you! I promise! Better days are ahead, continue the fight even in the down days because tomorrow will be a new day and another day to heal.

Merry Christmas.

J

Thanks for sharing.  I can relate to being an unhappy and difficult person.  That was me on benzos.  But now I am the optimist.  I never thought I would be that kind of person, but I am.  Without benzos I am so much calmer, the little things don’t bother me anymore. 

Merry Christmas or happy Hanukkah...oh heck after this year, just celebrate! 

Thanks for telling me your story J Stone!!

I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for you over the years!

You sound like you're doing really well, all things considered!

I think it's great that you are working really hard to improve your cognitive skills, I thought of soduko the other day as well.

Best wishes for great holidays for everyone!!

WinnieDog