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Nursing Home until I become healed?


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After 2 years of being bedridden, unable to care for myself, I cannot live like this anymore.  My husband has been doing his best to care for me, but I have not seen any signs of improvement.  My mental function is gone.  I live in extreme pain, with over 100 extreme symptoms daily. I am only 56 years old but living a life of a senior shut-in.

 

I am wondering if any of you know people who have ended up in a nursing home because of benzo injury?  What happens when our only caregiver cannot take it anymore and wants to get on with their life?  Then what?  I am unable to go anywhere (have even cancelled all my dr. appts. in the last years), cannot shower except for maybe once every 5 days now, live in my unkempt bedroom all alone while my husband is out living his life.  But, he wants to be able to travel, do outdoor activities, ALL the things we once enjoyed together, which kept us extremely busy.  He has been leaving town here and there to do some activities but has to be back by dark because I cannot be alone in the dark anymore.  My mind has been damaged and I no longer have any hope. I have not had any windows and I'm only getting worse.

 

The guilt is unbearable to me, even though I know I didn't cause this injury myself.  What am I supposed to do? 

 

P.S.  It took me a very long time to write this and everything I have to try to make sense of this post.  I cannot express myself, even in writing anymore, let alone with words.

 

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I haven't read of anyone who has had to do this, has your husband indicated he can no longer care for you or is this feeling a symptom of withdrawal, our tendency to think the worst? 

 

Caregiver burnout is real, I wonder if the two of you should sit down and talk about this, you may find your fears of him not being able to take it anymore are unfounded.  Or you may find out that he's struggling and needs the two of you to look for help together, there may be community services you could tap into. 

 

Facing this situation directly may help you understand how it's affecting you both and it may help you come to an arrangement that isn't as drastic as moving into a home.

 

 

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I agree with pamster. Talk about it.

Does your insurance cover any in-home physical therapy?

When I started doing mine, they would come to my house and that would give my hubby a much needed break so he could go to the gym. Does your insurance cover any in-home nursing care to help you shower?

Do you have any family or friends to help?

I know this sounds weird...but we had a sign up sheet for people to come "visit me", which meant my hubby or my mom could take a break or work or whatever. And the people that signed up would basically come devote some time to me, make and feed me lunch, chat with me, blow dry my hair, push me around in wheelchair, take me for a small car ride... Anything. It was good for me and GREAT for my caretaker hubby!

Yeah, I know I am really blessed with some pretty awesome friends and family and I know not everyone has this...but you would be surprised at what people will do...I was very surprised about who actually signed up(some people I thought would didn't...and others DID who I never would have guessed they would)

 

Also, do you have a good doc to work with you?

I know and understand that it really does take time for WD healing, but I also know about nonfunctioning pain...the kind that means others have to bathe you. So is there any chance you can find a good doc to work with you?

And by getting treatment I don't necessarily mean drugs. Though I did indeed take amitriptyline for mine. But I know there are other types of therapies too. Even doing water therapy in a pool can be helpful with pain and getting your body moving again.

 

I am just so sorry and hoping for some good changes for you!

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I know ppl in nursing homes because of this

 

However, if your husband can’t be bothered to cars for you he is not a very good husband is he.

 

What of it wasn’t WD, what if you had cancer or severe MS or ME or had a stroke or any other severe chronic illness?

 

If he loved you he would want to care for you.

 

Most ppl end up disabled at some point in their life. Pity he is so selfish.

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Thank you all for your responses.  He really would like to send me to the psych ward, even though I have showed him so many posts, blogs, information about why people in benzo withdrawal cannot go to psych wards.  I was already in a couple throughout the past two years and that's where I was cold turkeyed the first time.  They know nothing about benzo withdrawal!
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longing

 

First let me tell you that your post makes sense.  As awful as you feel, you are very much coherent.  Your sentences string together and your word usage is accurate.  As challenging as it was to write, your cognitive function seems fine here.

 

Your husband is tired.  It's normal.  Sometimes caregivers feel they aren't allowed to struggle, because the person they care for is struggling more.  But that isn't true.  It is really lonely to be a caregiver.  It is hard work.  It is frustrating.  It's normal that he wants his partner to share life with him.  This doesn't make him bad or unloving.  I don't say this to guilt you.  More to shine a light on the big picture.  Who cares for the caregiver?

 

I doubt a nursing home could do much for you.  First, you would have to qualify by virtue of age.  You are too young.  Many seniors who are very disabled are waiting to get in to nursing homes.  Nursing homes are very expensive, too.  Also, it would be so disempowering.

It is like saying that nothing can be done and healing is futile.  Maybe this age and money thing is only true in Canada.

 

You say you have over 100 symptoms every day.  Bedridden.  Cannot even bathe yourself.  There is no improvement at all.  So, this is a severe and rare case of protracted withdrawal.  What have you done to improve your situation?  Again, not to doubt you, because you have likely done many things.  Recovery is an active process.  It doesn't happen just by waiting for it.  Others cannot give it to us, no matter how well they care for us.  Maybe if you list what you have done, then we can perhaps add ideas? 

 

I wish you could find someone to talk to.  Possibly locate an online therapist?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

longing

 

First let me tell you that your post makes sense.  As awful as you feel, you are very much coherent.  Your sentences string together and your word usage is accurate.  As challenging as it was to write, your cognitive function seems fine here.

 

Your husband is tired.  It's normal.  Sometimes caregivers feel they aren't allowed to struggle, because the person they care for is struggling more.  But that isn't true.  It is really lonely to be a caregiver.  It is hard work.  It is frustrating.  It's normal that he wants his partner to share life with him.  This doesn't make him bad or unloving.  I don't say this to guilt you.  More to shine a light on the big picture.  Who cares for the caregiver?

 

I doubt a nursing home could do much for you.  First, you would have to qualify by virtue of age.  You are too young.  Many seniors who are very disabled are waiting to get in to nursing homes.  Nursing homes are very expensive, too.  Also, it would be so disempowering.

It is like saying that nothing can be done and healing is futile.  Maybe this age and money thing is only true in Canada.

 

You say you have over 100 symptoms every day.  Bedridden.  Cannot even bathe yourself.  There is no improvement at all.  So, this is a severe and rare case of protracted withdrawal.  What have you done to improve your situation?  Again, not to doubt you, because you have likely done many things.  Recovery is an active process.  It doesn't happen just by waiting for it.  Others cannot give it to us, no matter how well they care for us.  Maybe if you list what you have done, then we can perhaps add ideas? 

 

I wish you could find someone to talk to.  Possibly locate an online therapist?

 

I have had many tests, even been to Mayo Clinic two times.  They just want to put me into the psych ward because they don't believe in benzo withdrawal.  They tell me it's just a severe case of depression.  Well, of course, I'm depressed.  Who wouldn't in my situation?  But I was never depressed or had any kind of mental illness until I became tolerant to the clonazepam.  I was on it for over 20 years, daily.  My life is gone.  I have tried many supplements over the time I've been suffering, but none have helped.  I take a multi vitamin daily and an adrenal support supplement.  I have to take .25 mg. Trazadone to help with sleep, which is pretty much non-existent still.  This is the reason I was put on clonazepam in the first place.  I have chronic daily migraine and for years, I have not slept. My neurologist is the one who put me on benzos and now he has flat out told me that he doesn't know anything about benzo injury and withdrawal and therefore, cannot help me.  He actually told me that if I find someone to help to let him know. I wish his life would have been ruined, like he did to me. Horrible, horrible doctor! 

 

One of my family members thinks that if I would just start smoking weed that all this will go away.  I tried it...one puff...one time about a week ago.  I became even more depersonalized and it was awful!  Not for me.  I hear it helps others though.

 

If I have to continue to exist in hell like this, I won't.  There are many who have not been damaged nearly as much as I have.  Why does God not listen to me?  I have been a christian all my life and have always prayed, but it's like He's not even real to me anymore. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit: fixed quotes

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Dear Longing

 

I hear your pain.  I am tapering slowly and can’t imagine anyone who has had to CT a benzo after 20 years.  My time on it has been the same.  Doctors won’t listen (I have been to Mayo as well). I repeatedly tell them I am tapering and my sxs are due to benzo.  I have been told I am depressed and the only answer is an AD. 

 

My family and friends don’t understand at all.  I’ve lost all of my support except what I get here.  My boyfriend (over 24 years) hasn’t left me but I absolutely know he is incapable of giving the full time support I would need if I was CT’d.

 

I’m so sorry you are going through this awful time.  God Bless you for having made it this far.  I hope you keep trying and I’m glad you reached out for this help and support. :therethere:

 

 

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